I Ramble: 15 February 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Something not fun to announce: I have to postpone my wedding because I have family members who are stuck in a mindset that are not aligned with my principles in life but Beedin and I both wish to start our married life on a right note so this is the best solution we could come to.



Get your life. Hmph.

And Allah is Al-Basit, the Reliever. – MM

I Ramble: 13 February 2017

In the name of Allah, the All- Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Hey, all!!!

I am now an engaged woman, someone’s fiancĂ©e!

The feeling is quite indescribable but let me try to put it into words anyway. I do feel different but at the same time it feels surreal. Like, wow, I’m engaged to le boyfriend (okay now Beedin has to be called le fiancĂ©) but also how am I engaged to him? Did this engagement seriously happen? It hasn’t even been a year since we’ve known each other!

I remember when le fiancĂ© sent me a pic of his family in the blue baju kurung. Now, I am part of his family…and they wore the same outfit!

I still can’t get over the highs of yesterday. Even le fiancĂ© can’t. Upon reaching home at about midnight, we texted until past 3am. Of course, as usual, I fell asleep while texting. Hahaha!

Yup! He made our loveship called Black Lace, which carries my ring and tugs along a white wyvern carrying fruits and chocolates. Hehehe.

I also stalked le fiancĂ© by taking photos of him in action — praying and watching TV. Hehehe.

Well, in turn, he took these photos of me.

Honestly, my makeup was terribly done by myself but in the above photo, it looks on point.

And damn, I look young.

Oh, well. Le fiancĂ© said I looked drop dead gorgeous anway. 😉

And Allah is Ar-Rahim, the All-Merciful. – MM

I Ramble: 10 February 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I have been quiet for a few days because I had spiralled down into depression. The stuff at work, preparation for my engagement, my financial situation, and my period have led to my emotions reaching to the point beyond my ability to cope with it. I wasn’t being loving towards my man and I wasn’t being fun around my colleagues because I had mentally shut down.

So yesterday, I did what we all call ‘kheng MC’. It was for a selfish reason but it did me a world of good. I am in a better headspace now. I felt happier yesterday. I got to get rid of all the negativity that had strickened me. It is such a good feeling to do away with the emotional meltdown and shutdown.

At this point, I don’t care if people see me as being emotionally weak. That’s who I am. However, I am concerned about my manic depression. I am pretty sure, after reviewing and monitoring myself since I developed consciousness, that it is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Okay, I know that I will have to deal with it as it comes. Now, a more pressing concern is, will I be passing it on to my future child/ren? I seriously hope not. It is not a fun thing to have and it does push people away from you so shoo, depression, shoo.

And Allah is Ar-Rahman, the All-Compassionate. – MM

I Ramble: 2 February 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I’m listening to le boyfriend’s rendition of Trigun that he sent me months ago when we just friends as I’m typing this post in the train on the way to work.

I miss him already.

It is easy to have him like the things I like, which is definitely really nice to have in my relationship with him. To this day, he still asks me during such incidental moments, “Are you sure you are not my twin?”

Hahaha! Well, Bee, I am your other half! 😀

Anyway, I am trying to stay committed to my commitments but let me tell you, it is hard. It is so hard that I give up. Really. But then I realise, that’s the essence of a commitment; putting in a lot of hard work and not reaping the rewards immediately. I find this true in any sort of commitment such as relationships, projects, and goals to achieve.

So, let’s start over again — no, actually — let’s reassess our priorities. When to do it, when to do what, and what can be done later.

Another problem I am facing with regards to juggling my commitments is my energy level. It is not on par with the activities I have and need and want to do. Ergo, it all leads back to how I care for my body, which evidently, isn’t very well.

Well, I’m admitting this: I do not know how to prioritise. I have always been a free spirit, a bum or simply someone who takes things as they come.

Hais. Time with no table.

Schedule my life.

Nonetheless, le boyfriend has discussed the above matter with me and I’ve decided to keep on working on addressing those issues. It will take time for me to change and he will definitely continue to support me in my efforts.

And Allah is Ar-Rahim, the All-Merciful. – MM