Metropolitan Muslimah

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Hello! I find it kind of strange that as I was struggling to form the words for a new blog post, the previous post pretty much nailed it for me.

I guess, even time could not heal me. My feelings are still more or less the same.

I think though, I need more time for myself. Actually, mostly to forgive myself.

To tell myself, “It is written.”

As painful and as conclusive it was, it was written.

And I have to be at peace with it.

Looking back and looking at myself, I have loved a lot and I have lost a lot.

I still feel like I am losing a lot.

How does one get back to the way things were?

One cannot because it never will be the same again.

I have to be brave again. I have to be brave in allowing myself to get hurt again. I have to be brave in facing the ramifications of my decision. I have to be brave in facing myself and forgiving myself.

I can only do my best in doing what is good.

And for that, I have to be brave too.

I have to be brave to laugh again.

I have to be brave to live again.

I have to be brave to love again.

And be loved in return.

My Lord, please grant me the strength I need to be brave again.

Here is my journey as a newly divorced person to becoming a woman turning 35. May I live to see it. May I be better than who I was.

And braver.

And Allah is Ar-Rahmaan, The Most Gracious. – MM