Need More Power; I Recall: 27 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I was still feeling a bit of hangover from the jamming session that happened on the 25th. I always feel this whenever I had a good time with the boys!

I only practised at noon on that day. Hahaha! I was supposed to have started earlier but oh wells. I did get a bit of rock education. Found out that Joan Jett went through hell to be a rock-and-roll icon. So I kind of channelled that rock spirit yesterday, even in my outfit, which, by the way, I think was absolutely cute. I didn’t point this out to any of the boys. Seems not to be something any of the boys are able to appreciate. *silent cry* Hahaha!

I went for a punk rock look. I had my favourite Uniqlo Sex Pistols t-shirt on and matched it with a short skirt and boots! I was actually dressed in all Uniqlo items (except my socks). Even my mates were wearing Uniqlo items and both A and G Hustler were wearing the same Uniqlo pants! Goodness! We should be sponsored by them when we reach international stardom!

I specially whipped out my Uniqlo faux leather jacket for the Joan Jett song, I Hate Myself For Loving You. Sadly, G Hustler didn’t get to practise that song much. Alamak.

I should look for a double breasted faux leather jacket instead. I don’t think Uniqlo Singapore will carry it anytime soon though so I might have to hunt for it somewhere else. Like Zara. Sad.

Sorry, I really cannot get over how good I looked yesterday! Here is a still frame taken from our jam video!

Cute, right?! Hahaha!

I don’t know if it’s too outrageous for a person in her 30s to wear, what more married. But then again, when else is a better opportunity to enjoy my youth if not now? I wonder if I can still pull this off 10 years down the road. I think that would be interesting to monitor.

I also think I look good holding the bass. I didn’t bother hanging it on me properly as I was just helping A to hold it while he meddled with the guitar. Here’s another!

Come on, you have to admit I look rad! Speaking of the bass, I challenged Didi to practise his guitar/bass/drums/whichever every night from 11pm to 12am while I am to practise the bass at the same time. It began last night! I decided to work on the Hotel California song. If I can play the bass for that song, at least it will be easier for A to play guitar with G Hustler. Good plan, right?!

However, after trying it out, I realised that it’s better to start wth Zombie. Zombie does need two guitars on it. A taught me how to play the riff so I practised it last night. Even on heels! Muahahaha! I can’t wait to show off to the boys that I can play bass and sing on heels! Yeah, I was inspired by Linda Ong of Lunarin, a local band, who is an Arsenal fan too, by the way. I watched her perform live. She had just finished her work as a lawyer and was still in her office heels yet she played her Thunderbird and sang like it was the simplest thing to do!

Also, I have to point this out, I look good with the drums! Here’s another!

Muahahaha! I think I managed the drums better than G Hustler! I wish I can have all money in the world to always book a jamming studio for at least a one-hour practice session on the drums. I’ll have to see my budget to consider playing for an hour on my off days. I think Trinity Studio would be perfect as the size is enough for me and the process of booking is quite seamless. I don’t have to make a minimum two-hour booking either. We’ll see about that but A would probably tell me to just play his e-drum.

But more importantly, I need to work on my vocals. For songs like Alone, I think my voice fits incredibly well with the verses and I need to develop more power for the choruses. I’m starting to understand the sound of my vocals a little now. Like I don’t feel I have a generic pop voice. When I first became more serious about singing, I was trying to follow the styles of mezzo sopranos. But maybe I am more alto? In any case, I know I impressed Didi and G Hustler when I tried to sing Zombie as similarly as possible as the original’s. You can see it in the video. Got good reactions when I first sang the Zombie lines. Hahaha!

Anyway, here’s the full video of the jam sesh. Enjoy! I know I did!

And Allah knows best. – MM

To Be Kinder To Myself; I Ramble: 24 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am wondering if I am too ambitious in trying to do a lot of things when I don’t have the luxury of energy and time.

I am also wondering if I have been too hard on myself as a wife. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t cook but I still feed my husband by buying food for us. Does it count as being a good wife? I really don’t know. “Outside food is not healthy,” they say.

I think I let down my husband last night. He was so eager to show me he learnt how to play PUBG on his phone by watching a YouTube tutorial and he was so eager to play with me but I did not reciprocate the enthusiasm. It was hard for me to be as eager because I was wondering if he had studied for the ITE entrance exam with the same amount of passion. Additionally, I completely crashed on the bed. I don’t know why I feel really exhausted that I missed the dusk and dawn prayers.

On a different note, while he was playing, he looked super handsome and gentle. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because my ovaries are twitching for him, if it’s my hormonal sexual rage, if it’s because I sleptover at Tampines previously that the little distance made my heart fonder or if I just haven’t really had a good look at him for a long time. Because you know, I have been super busy.

He has been undeniably gentler with me lately. Perhaps a little distance does do wonders after all.

I dreamt about G Hustler last night. I dreamt I waltzed into his home office and he was surprised to see me. Only then I realised I forgot to notify him of my presence. Luckily for me, he was relieved to see me because it turned out he had to entertain potential clients and he could use my help.

Some kind of dream, huh? Maybe my head was too preoccupied with SG work that I ended up with that dream.

I had also dreamt of him previously but I would say that it was not a dream a married woman should have. So.

But yeah, Huda, just be gentler and kinder to yourself. I know you go hard, like go big or go home, but don’t drive yourself to frequent points of exhaustion. Like right now, you’re trying to make it to work by 9, you’re left with 2 mins and you’re still typing away.

Come on, now.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Super Cool Huda Is Super Busy; I Ramble: 22 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I don’t know if I was experiencing early signs of pregnancy with my hormonal rage last Monday and spotting last few days. But I think I was just experiencing weird symptoms at the end of my monthly cycle. So no baby for us yet! I was asked again to produce an heir but too bad! I am only what Allah gives me.

Okay so I’m actually typing this in the MRT on the way to work to review NH21. Let’s pull it up again:

I’m staying quite on course with my Quran reading with the exception of reciting Yasiin. I still haven’t managed to start that. I’m also quite on track with gathering Islamic knowledge via YouTube.

But I’m failing to start on all other goals in the other aspects, with the exception of putting in some effort for SG.

Okay, after reviewing, I’m supposed to come up with an action plan to be able to start working on the goals I have failed to kickstart.

To be honest, the reasons why I haven’t been able to start on most goals, is due to how weirdly dynamic my life is.

Like last Tuesday evening, my sister, Hazwanni, texted me asking if I could book a dental appointment for Umi. I’m the type of person who doesn’t ask why most times so I just replied that I would book later that night as I was still working. But then I was finishing up the transfer-out for the return of winter items to the warehouse that I ended as late as 10.30pm. So I completely forgot all about that. Then last Wednesday evening, my sister texted me again saying she visited the GP but my sister didn’t feel she would take the medicine prescribed for her.

Since I had worked overtime the day before, I decided to clock out earlier that day and take her to see my dentist friend, Liju. She had seen him before for her toothache and she was comfortable with him. I rushed to my Tampines home, prayed, and then off we went to the clinic. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything too serious but she needed to take care of her gums. She has a bit of a gum disease. So cleaning every six months is in order. I will need to check in with Umi and the clinic again in July then.

We got home and I finally get to eat dinner. Was starving by then because I only had brunch at noon earlier at The Centrepoint’s Kopi & Tarts. We reached home close to 10pm. So you can imagine how hungry I was.

Over dinner, my sister, Hidayah, gleefully tried to get me to sleep over. I video called A and he approved. So I ended up crashing at Tampines.

So you see, when things like that happen, it just throws you off track from your plans but that’s alright. At the end of the day, I’m happy to be doing something productive.

I do wish I have more income so I can go back to giving my mum $500 a month. I was able to do that when I was earning $3000 a month as a preschool teacher. Now I wish to achieve that plus giving my dad $500 as well. But this is hard for me to do as the primary breadwinner for my own little family and I bring home less than $2000 a month.

Okay, so that aside, let’s talk about action plan.

Basically, the action plan is to make up for the things I missed out on effective immediately. For example, tonight, instead of reciting Waqiah, I should recite Yaasin instead.

I know I set a to-do list for this entire week in the previous post and I have been religiously updating it, striking off tasks I have done and putting comments in bold for previous tasks I have not achieved. But I also can’t put my NH21 goals in the backseat. Most of the goals are meant to be good habits after all. I can’t develop them if I don’t make myself do them on top of all other things.

Tough, eh? A has also recently gotten back into playing PUBG and he pleaded to play with me yesterday. So I expect he would want me to play with him for some time, until he gets bored of it at least. So that definitely has to be on the daily agenda as well.

I seriously believe A is really lucky to have me as a wife now. Hahaha! I mean, it is quite precious to have your partner share the same interests and engage in the activities you both enjoy as a couple. Unfortunately, he’s unlucky in terms of me being a lousy gamer. Sorry, A!

So yeah. I’m just trying to catch up on a lot of things at this point. I hope I’m able to do so.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Deeply Unhappy; I Ramble 19 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I wasted the entire day yesterday when I could have gotten a lot of things done. I’m deeply unhappy about that.

And it’s always worse when I wasted it feeling deeply unhappy throughout as well.

So right now I am determined to not let yesterday’s episode have a rerun for the rest of the week.

So let’s plan the week:

Tuesday (AM shift):

Correspond with Myeongdong representative regarding my final claim.

Finish the transfer-out to warehouse.

– Correspond with Iskandar regarding our photoshoot plan. Postponed to Saturday.

Wednesday (AM shift):

– Withdraw from savings to pay for A’s insurance Postponed to 28/1 and for the rest of the month’s expenditure.

Scout Cold Storage’s The Marketplace at Paragon for microgreens.

– Scout Prime and Fairprice Xtra supermarkets near home for microgreens. Postponed to 22/1.

Thursday (Off day):

– Scout eateries that will be open to ordering microgreens from SG. Postponed to 22/1.

– Learn all the songs for jamming session. Postponed to 22/1.

– Practise all the songs for jamming session. Postponed to 22/1.

Friday (AM shift):

Review NH21 and draft out action plan to address unaccomplishments.

– Continue Customer Satisfaction video sharing. Postponed until I am done setting up the lockers and thank-you board instead

– Do Pickupp delivery if available to earn a bit of money. If not, check with Giant near home if they have a vacancy for ad-hoc part-time midnight replenishment.

Saturday (AM shift):

– Draw up financial plan for A to work on ad-hoc delivery.

– Check Service Channel to upkeep maintenance reports.

– Draw up financial plan for myself if I were to let go of my full-time job.

Sunday (AM shift):

– Watch a YouTube video on Islam.

– Pack clothes into boxes for Recycle Project.

– Blog about the video I watched.

And Allah knows best. – MM

I Note: 18 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I think videos like below are still good to watch to help people like myself introduce Islam to others should they ask me to tell them what it’s all about in less than five minutes.

So here are some pointers from the video:

1) Islam literally means submission. Contextually, it refers to the submission of oneself to God, which places everyone in equal standing.

(Not in video: For example, I may be literate but it doesn’t place me on a higher pedestal when compared to someone who is illiterate because that person may be better than me in terms of his kindness and goodness.)

2) Islam’s followers are mostly into two general groups: Shia and Sunni. I am categorised under Sunni.

(Not in video: Shia Muslims believe that ‘Ali, Prophet Muhammad’s cousin, should be regarded as the rightful last leader of the Muslim community. Sunni Muslims on the other hand, believe that Prophet Muhammad, the last Prophet, should be regarded as the only last leader of the faith. The Final Messenger.)

3) Even within these two groups, there are different schools of thought.

(Not in video: I’m not well-versed in Shi’ism so I’m unable to go into detail. The four main schools of thought within the Islamic Jurisprudence in Sunni Islam are taught by four Imams: Hanafi, Hanbali, Maliki, and Shafi’i. Singapore is largely influenced by the Shafi’i school of thought, which relies mostly on the Quran and the Hadith in executing day-to-day Islamic practices. The Hadith is a record of actions and words of the Prophet Muhammad. In cases where the Quran and the Hadith both did not specify on a ruling, Shafi’i posits that the consensus of Islamic scholars, also known as ijma, is needed. And where no consensus is met, qiyas is employed. Qiyas is analogical reasoning. To me, the Shafi’i school of thought makes sense as what better way to live your life as a Muslim than to follow the direct words of God and the examples set by His Messenger? But to be honest, living in a contemporary world and as a city Muslimah, I find myself following the other schools of thought sometimes. For example in the treatment of dogs. You can read about it here and see:

4) Despite the differences, all Muslims believe in the five pillars of faith:

i) Proclamation of faith

ii) Praying five times a day

iii) Giving charity

iv) Fasting during Ramadan

v) Pilgrimage to Mecca

So that’s essentially the basics of the faith. It’s a lot to take in if I were to go on and on. I mean, heck, even my not-in-video notes are too much to condense. I tried my best but there is a lot to know about the faith and even for myself, I’m still struggling to get a good grasp on it and I’m always learning about it.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Not Meant For Me; I Ramble: 15 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I have to admit now, the Quran is my compass. I was looking for a little bit of healing from it. I just randomly scrolled through the Quran index on my phone and I landed on one of the chapters. Then I scrolled through the chapter and landed on the verse, “We gave these to another people to inherit”.

Somehow I feel comforted. I think it solidifies my reconciliation with the fact that what I want is intended for others instead. So I have to let go of my desire.

Out of curiosity, I read the verses before and after the one that jumped to me. The section was actually talking about the people of Israel who were suppressed by Pharoah. They had to leave their home behind, including their personal effects and cross the Red Sea to escape his tyranny.

We all have to make sacrifices in order to attain something better whether we see it immediately or not.

So I guess I’m not meant to feel love in the form I desire but others are. So I just gotta take one for the team.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Whether I Like It Or Not; I Ramble: 14 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I have decided that if I don’t feel, I won’t cry and that if I don’t cry, I won’t feel.

Now all that’s left to do is to regroup and get back to achieving targets I have set for myself.

Let’s pull it up again. Clearly, I have forgotten a lot of things.

My daily Quran reading was halted since I got my first period of the year. This is not good as I should still continue my daily Quran, just that I am only able to read the translation instead of reciting the Arabic verses out loud.

I’m going to squeeze in a bit of Quran translation reading shortly after typing this blog post.

I have been blogging on videos related to Islam, just not according to schedule. I decided to keep my schedule flexible as my life is not as routine-like as most people’s. It’s pretty dynamic so I always have to adapt to any form of situation.

I was inspired to write this song called Ducati In The Distance. Only managed a couple of verses. Not sure if it’s safe for me to work on it as a single for public release since Ducati is a huge global brand. Of course, Bruno Mars can get away with Versace On The Floor but that’s because he’s Bruno Mars, man. But I think I’ll archive that song idea. Probably best to work on something safer.

A’s friend is keen on procuring custom graphic t-shirts, so now I’m thinking if it makes sense to work with him. I prefer being independent because I don’t like to wait around for people to make decisions sometimes but I have learnt that there really isn’t such a thing as a standalone business. You will always need people. But you just gotta be smart with them.

I have set up a meeting with my photographer friend and G Hustler tomorrow as part of my efforts to launch SG officially. I think I will need to really go through the business side of things with G Hustler. Shortly after my Quran reading time, I will have to pen down my plans for both of them so that the discussion will be fruitful for both tomorrow. But I don’t know, at this time, my brain already feels a little fried so I might do it tomorrow morning instead.

I have not been exercising every Monday per se but I have been walking a lot. I will count that as exercise as the distance I covered definitely warrant the term ‘exercise’. However, I’m craving for some good burning cardio. Just so I could feel somewhat Amazonian. Hahaha!

I don’t know if I should feel happy or sad that I haven’t been gaming on console. I mean, it’s good to have less screen time but I did pay for the PS+ membership. Hais. I’ll either play tonight after doing business as a self-reward or tomorrow morning instead.

This is where it gets absolutely obvious that I’m a shit wife. I didn’t even get to work on both wifely goals. Absolutely shitty of me.

To be honest, I really don’t know how to get started with both goals. Those demand a lot of care and time from me, which I struggle to carve out from my day-to-day chaos.

They say that if something/someone truly matters, you will always make the time for it/him.

So what does that say about me? Nothing short of being a shitty wife, right?

Regardless of whether I am the one who has to force myself out of the door to work most days and be away from home for at least 12 hours on those days…whether I like it or not… people will judge me as a wife based on whether my house is in good order and whether I am feeding my husband well.

So whether I like it or not, I cannot allow myself to feel. As long as I don’t feel, I won’t cry. As long as I don’t cry, I won’t feel.

I don’t see any other way out of this. The only way is through it.

I will get through. I somehow always do. Dei Gratia.

And Allah knows best. – MM