I Ramble: 1 May 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Happy Labour Day, everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend! I know I have! However, the lack of sleep is killing my body. Ugh.

It’s that time of the month whereby I check my progress in achieving my 2016 goals. So far… very unsuccessful. Ha!

Anyway, I really have to get back to sleeping at 11pm and waking up at 5am. Until I nail that down, we are all going to have a problem with my lethargy, lack of productivity, and tardiness.

I have updated my goals. Those I have achieve and/or am consistent in achieving were struck out in black. Those I had to cancel or amend were struck out in red:

2016 goals updated 01052016

 

I have been wondering if I would do better in achieving those goals by having some sort of an anchor person or life coach who would help me keep on track. For waking up, I will just text my colleague upon waking up at 5am. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit? I will do that consistently for 21 days and see how it goes.

Alrighty. Right back what is wrong, we move along.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 28 April 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Yesterday, I started feeling a bit different. I am not sure if it was positivity or if it was nonchalance that was permeating through my mind.

Today, I woke up really late! Oh, my God! However, I woke up with the same feeling I had the day before, only stronger. I realised that my mindset has been adjusted from a grieving victimised ex-girlfriend to an empowered single confident and independent woman. In fact, I felt like I have never been in a relationship before. What is an ex? What is ghosted? What is a baby mama?

Basically it felt like I was on a clean slate. Like I have completely wiped out all my sentiments and memories of ALL — yes, get this, ALL — men I have ever admired/liked/loved.

At this point of time, they simply have no imprints left on my heart.

They have disrespected me so I don’t see the point of honouring them, even in my memory.

I feel good. I feel powerful. Shit, son, I feel brave.

I am ready to love… anytime.

However, while waiting for my man, I ain’t gonna sit around doing nothing.

I am working on myself. A lot of exciting things coming my way. I have a staff chalet this weekend. Hopefully, I’ll learn to be more active in capturing those moments. I will only stay for one night tomorrow, then after the BBQ on Saturday evening, I will head home. I am volunteering at the Istana again on Sunday from 7am to 1pm so I think it is best that I get a good rest the night before. I will be completely busy at work preparing for Mother’s Day celebration on 6 May, Friday. If my dad is not working, I might go to the game on 10 May, Tuesday with him. I am still keeping up with Zumba every Wednesday evening. I will be jamming on 12 May, Thursday at Aljunied. It will be the first time I am meeting a group of men in their 30s in a soundproofed room so pray for my safety. I hope they will like my vocals enough to keep inviting me to their sessions. The following is the confirmed setlist:

image

On top of all that, I am still keeping up with my Iqra’ classes and my Quran classes. Alhamdulillah.

More interestingly for you readers, I just got on this dating app called LunchClick, which is really catered for serious singles. So far, I had one interested in me but I am not sure if I am supposed to ask him out or if I should wait for him to do so. I will just go with the flow. Okcupid was cool but I actually didn’t want to throw myself into the dating scene so quickly to be honest. The only reason I got LunchClick was to sort of accompany my friend who was interested in the app. But hey, why not go for it? I don’t have to answer to anyone and it is not like my ex cares if I get together with anyone so quickly, eh?

On top of that as well, I am still working on my album called Boldly. Might have to set that aside for now since I am quite occupied with so many fun stuff.

Additionally, I am having fun blogging and vlogging here and singing on smule.

I am very happy right now.

Alhamdulillah.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 24 April 2014

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I have been so focused on forgetting the past that I have completely forgotten to celebrate my work anniversary, which was yesterday, 23 April 2016.

I have now been working the same job at the same place for exactly four years. It made me think of all the could-have-beens funnily. On a certain level, it made me feel as though I have been quite ungrateful to say that.

Well, I should just carry on forgetting the past, really. I can’t get my love back weeping over what was never there.

I am not really one to keep on regretting things beyond my control.

What’s done is done. My love was lost and gone.

I will get it back though. Such is the determined person I am. I understand my life has never really been handed to me. I always have had to work for the things I want. Alhamdulillah, at least the things I need have been provided by Him to me.

Once again, I find myself asking the same old question, ” What do I want?”

Because I feel like I have been driven into the darkest corner and my back has been pushed against the wall. I am now forced to regroup and rethink.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been giving it much thought. Like all other heartbroken people, I have been decadent, indulging in singing, mostly being on smule. The sense of having people listening to me and appreciating me. A sense of self-validation.

Do I really want that?

I love to sing but I can be quite a purist. I wouldn’t want my singing to be objectified and tainted by deep-seated contempt.

Basically, it mirrored what I felt before I entered into a relationship — that whole I-wanna-be-hot phase.

How does one avoid being so bitter when one is forced to keep a lid on one’s reactions and negative emotions?

I am only human and I am trying.

Sometimes, I just feel like jumping back into that dating wagon again. Just get a new guy and everything else is resolved.

But I know for sure, it doesn’t really work that way. Sure, one day, some guy will make me let go all of my painful past and hold onto a happier future. But that day may not come too soon because there is no way I will allow myself to make the same mistake as others have, especially when it has happened to me.

Get this because you are never going to get me — I am not a rebound girl, I am not an alternative, I am not a spare tyre, I am not a sex slave, I am not a dude, and I am not an option.

I am a rare specimen and you better believe it. They don’t make girls like me anymore. Even my ex can testify to that.

Okay, rant over.

This is what happens when Arsenal can’t win a goddam game even with all of the possession in the world. I rant.

Oh, yes, this post was supposed to be celebrating my achievements thus far as a preschool teacher but I have always been harder on myself in terms of my expectations of a working professional. I don’t feel like I have much to celebrate. In fact, I feel like I have to step up even more. I have been letting go quite a bit to restore my mental health. I think all things considered, given the drama I have gone through this year, I have been handling my emotions quite well at work. At least, better than previous years.

So that is that. A goal I have set myself to achieve is to attain the 5-year long service award during my 6th year working here. After receiving that award, I will then regroup and rethink again about where I wanna be in the next four to five years of my career. Insya Allah.

Back to what do I really want…

In all honesty, all I really want to be is a rockstar and a housewife. Contradictory ain’t it? I can’t be both. If you don’t understand how ambitious I am after all these while of knowing me, I hope you will begin to understand that about me now. My dream is to collect a Grammy and a Quran Recitation trophy and an Anugerah Planet Muzik award (the Malay music award for Malaysian, Singapore, and Indonesian artists I think) all within a few days consecutively. Nice dream, right?

Impossible.

Still, it keeps me going in this provincial life.

I have a staff chalet coming up this weekend. I just want to kick back and forget about everything.

Lose control. Lose myself.

Meanwhile, I am defining myself as a Metropolitan Muslimah. I even subscribed to this domain, can you believe it? Maybe it was a post-relationship retail therapy. Ah, heck. I have deleted all other WordPress blogs of mine and the only Blogger blogs I have left are those created for school back then. In fact, please note I will be using my Angelfire site to host media like images. It will no longer act as my headquarters. This is my one and only domain you should ever visit and keep up with.

I am still in the process of putting all of my online information here like I did on my Angelfire site.

That’s it. I wasn’t intending for this to be a very long post so bonus for you, my stalkers.

I quite enjoy being stalked online so go on, keep hitting my site and I will come up with more exciting and interesting things to feed your cravings for news about me. Insya Allah. I mean that in the most honest way, by the way as I think it might be misconstrued as sarcasm.

Also, it gives me a very good focus on myself as a Metropolitan Muslimah and away from my past.

There we go. Goodnight, I know I am well past my bedtime. Hope you will never have to go through the bad things I went through in life.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Read: Fase Awal Penyebaran Islam — Khadijah: The True Love Story of Muhammad (Bahasa Indonesia)

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

This chapter discusses the early phase of the spread of Islam. Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) spent a lot of time — to put it simply — meditating at the mountains and valleys near Mecca. One day, while he was ay the valley, the angel Gabriel came to him and taught him the way to pray.

I am just sidetracking here; it would have been great if camcorders had already been invented at that time. Currently, there are over 20 variations of the mandatory prayer and only one is the accurate one as exemplified by Gabriel to Muhammad. Alas, unless we make the effort to research on praying just like Muhammad, we might not know.

Back to my actual point of interest — Khadijah’s relationship with Muhammad — Khadijah was the first person to carry out the mandatory prayer after Muhammad and with him. That shows us just how deep her love and support for Muhammad is. She did not simply show her support for him as a messenger of God through her words but also through her actions. That is what a wife should for her husband.

Another lesson we can take away from this is that Allah deliberately chose Khadijah to be the first follower of Islam. Remember, Khadijah is a woman yet her status transcends the average man. That is how much women are valued in Islam so it is very disheartening when gender discourse pertaining to the treatment of women in Islam are framed within negative contexts.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

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I Read: Risalah Kenabian — Khadijah: The True Love Story of Muhammad (Bahasa Indonesia)

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

This chapter talks about the period of time when Muhammad (peace be upon him) became a Prophet.

His daughters were growing up well and fast, with the author of the book attributing this fact to the love and attention that the Prophet and his wife gave to them.

Khadijah started getting Zainab who was about eight years old to help her out with the house chores and taking care of her younger sisters, especially the youngest, Fatimah, who was only a toddler.

What I really like about this is the exemplary parenting style. Yes, Muhammad and Khadijah have servants but they still carry out some of the house chores themselves so that their servants will not be overworked. Then they got their children to help out as well. What this does for children is that they are taught to have a sense of responsibility. A lot of parents these days, and I am speaking out of a teacher’s standpoint, tend to overlook the importance of non-academic lessons such as self-help skills, virtues, and so on. If you are able to impart values to your children from a very young age, it will be easier for you during their adolescence and adulthood.

That aside, you have to marvel at Khadijah’s strength to raise her children and at the same time provide the emotional support Muhammad needs when he thought he has gone crazy after the angel Jibril (Gabriel) revealed to him the message from Allah — that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

Any other woman would have probably accused Muhammad of having gone crazy, albeit jokingly. However, Khadijah having complete faith in the goodness of her husband, reassured Muhammad that he has not gone insane. She also took him to her cousin Waraqah, who had read the Old Scriptures (in simpler understanding, the authentic Bible and maybe even Torah), which told of the last prophet sent to mankind. Waraqah confirmed that it is true the final prophet was to be sent to mankind to guide them back to the right path and that Muhammad showed many signs of prophethood.

This shows that Khadijah is very proactive. She took necessary steps to resolving a problem instead of feigning ignorance or denial.

There are many things we can learn from their relationship and the character of this great woman in Islam.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

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I Recommend: A short post on Aasiyah

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I know, I’m single and childless but I have been thinking alot about a name for my future girl, if He wills it.

I have finally settled on Aaasiyah. Well, if I want to follow the phonetic rules, that would be the spelling. However, as a preschool teacher, I want to make it easy for her to learn her name so maybe Asiya would be the simplest. Even Asiyah doesn’t look too bad. Oh well, I will let my future husband decide the spelling then. Whoever he may be, if He wills it.

So the following is a short background info on a great female historical figure in Islam. It’s a shame sometimes that the world does not honour such women anymore.

http://idealmuslimah.com/personalities/pious/744-aasiyah-the-wife-of-pharaoh.html

Now I’m just left with thinking about a name for my future boy, if He wills it.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

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I Read: Rumah Tangga Muhammad dan Khadijah — Khadijah: The True Love Story of Muhammad (Bahasa Indonesia) by Abdul Mun’im Muhammad

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

In this chapter, we get a closer look at the household affairs of Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Khadijah (blessings be upon her). Muhammad took the role of the breadwinner by continuing Khadijah’s business while she looks after the needs of her husband and children. It is what she preferred doing as a wife. Although they have servants to do household chores, they still help out at home, not allowing their servants to be burdened by the workload.

I think this sets the tone of an ideal household. The man manages the work aspect but at the same time does his share of the housework while the woman manages the home aspect but at the same time supports the man’s efforts in work. There is also nothing wrong in engaging domestic help but care has to be taken in not overworking them either.

Khadijah was also portrayed in this chapter to have similar thought processes like any wife — being concerned over having children and meeting the needs of the husband and children. Her worries were mostly based on being afraid of disappointing her husband. This is something men should note — women are not worry warts because they simply are. Rather, they love their husbands so much that they hate to disappoint and husbands would do well to assuage their wives’ fears. Khadijah at one point was quite depressed (this is the feeling I get from reading the book) due to not giving her husband more sons and the death of their first son together at a young age of two just increased that sadness. However, Muhammad never tire of cheering her up and being that, in my own words, emotional rock that every woman needs to be honest. In fact, he was so attuned to his wife’s sensitivity that he was afraid she would break down when she gave birth to their last daughter, Fatimah (blessings be upon her), as he knew very well she was afraid of disappointing him. Instead, he was glad to find her overjoyed that Fatimah resembled Muhammad the most out of all of their children.

At the time of Fatimah’s birth, Muhammad was 35 and Khadijah was 50. They had spent 10 years together as husband and wife. The fact that their marriage, under circumstances highlighted in the previous chapter, lasted that long shows that it is down to the couple themselves that decide the longevity of a marriage. Many things can happen, especially trials and tribulations that may potentially hurt the marriage but if both husband and wife are able to support each other emotionally, then it can definitely last long.

Another interesting thing about this married couple is their sense of social responsibility. They often spared a thought about others who are less fortunate and also looked out for their family members, especially during an economic crisis in Mecca.

I cannot help but see that the household of Muhammad and Khadijah is very well-balanced. Unfortunately, we metropolitan Muslims and Muslimahs struggle to achieve a good balance our everyday lives but persevere, we must.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM