I Ramble: 18 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

It’s amazing how the loudest and the longest alarms can’t get me up but the softest and shortest WhatsApp notification can.

A woke me up just now at 4.45am. He asked me last night if I was fasting today. I said yes so I guess he decided to wake me up. I didn’t tell him though that I have been absolutely shocking at waking up early lately. Muahahaha! In fact I was late for work 3 out of 6 times last week. My worst record this year. 😦

So sweet of him. He was even worried that he might have woken me up too early. He woke up at 4.30am. He wants to fast today too. He has been getting sweeter lately as much as he has been becoming more open to me. It is always nice to have someone who takes you seriously yet induce it with light-heartedness at the same time.

I’d say that would be his gift. He probably doesn’t know it himself though.

Ah, well, men.

He loves Samurai X. I will need to check out that anime one of these days.

You know, at the rate A is treating me, I am going to start forming high expectations of other men who are to be my potential suitors. I mean, look at the way he is spoiling me right now and he is only a good friend. Muahahahaha!

Have a great day, everyone! I know mine had a great start!

And Allah is Knower of all things. From A and I, all thanks and praises are to Him. – MM

I Ramble: 15 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

It has been a while since I last blogged, it seems. Well, things haven’t been going on well in my head lately and I can feel it affecting me physically.

After today, I can breathe a bit over the weekends. No plans whatsoever. My weekends have been packed for the past months and this weeked will definitely be a nice break to have.

I have so many things to do but what is new? I have so many things I need to do. I have so many things I want to do as well.

I am trying not to read into things too much nowadays. Gives me a splitting headache and it is definitely a waste of mental capacity and resources to do so. I shall take it as it comes but I shall just remain as aware as I can be.

Work has been daunting. Sighs.

I wish I can just not come to work but such is life. Hang on to dear life for the next 8 hours.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Plan: Visual Novel Project – Title Screen (A Singer’s Dream)

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Not much update, really. Basically, I procrastinated important work due Wednesday by using Paint for my title screen idea.

a singer's dream cover

Also, Windows 10 sucks monkey balls because I couldn’t install my Write Your Own Novel program.

Okay fine. I shall just use Microsoft Word then.

I shall revert back to Windows 7 one of these days. Grrrr….

And Allah is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 9 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

For the first time ever in my life, I was early by an hour.

Hahahaha! All thanks to Nora la!!! Horrible. Forced me to leave my house so early. Ish.

Hmm… I wanted to blog about a lot of things… but I have forgotten! Oh no.

Uhmmmm…

A sounded really tired on WhatsApp yesterday. What touched me was that he made an effort to reply to my messages regardless. In the end, we pretty much called it a night. All I did was to send him off nicely and he was touched by my concern.

Ah good la. Touch each other’s hearts. Hahaha!

But nope, that wasn’t what I wanted to blog about but that was the only thing I had in mind. Hmmm…

Maybe it has something to do about our friendship that I wanted to share.

Oh yeah!

I told him that our friendship lasted longer than my relationship. Hahaha!

My relationship barely lasted a month. Hahaha! He was shocked to know that. Our friendship on the other hand, has been going on for about two months now. He said it felt more like we have known each other for 20 years!

Pretty true. I came to know a lot about him in these two months as though I have known at least 20 years of his life’s events and milestones. I think he is somewhat still waiting for me to open up to him. I think he does look forward to my texts and he wants to know more about me but given the type of person I am and what I went through, I just learnt to clam up a lot about myself, particularly my feelings and thoughts, well except when I am blogging or writing in my diary. He mentioned to me before that he has been waiting outside my door under the rain or shine after knocking on it many times. Well, he put it very poetically like that in Malay. Haha! I find that interesting though because to be honest, I am not exactly sure just how much should I talk to him. As a friend, I really do not want to be a bother to him because after all, I am just a friend, right? At the same time, he has never explicitly told me that he simply regard me as just a younger sister. So hence my conundrum. Plus he told me before that he is the type of person who gets restless when someone persistently bugs him. So how? Hahaha!

Well, there was quite a heavy matter perturbing my thoughts. At first thought, I wanted to tell A about it but I felt I would just bother him. However, it bugged me too much that I ended up telling him about it.

His reaction? He thanked me for sharing it with him.

So… I supposed what he wants is to feel that I can go to him whenever and for whatever, because that would really reflect the comfort levels of our friendship. He even told me directly that I should nevet feel alone or lonely because he is there for me.

How sweet is that? What a great friend. I am truly thankful to Him and to him for this friendship.

You know, I usually stalk people but for A, I really didn’t bother to. Okay, maybe more like I never really felt the need to because he himself shared so many things with me and he is so open about himself with me.

He, in turn, doesn’t stalk my blog and SNS-es either.

Not that I would mind though. He is one of my greatest supporters anyway! ^_^v

But yeah, this guy has successfully repaired my confidence that other guys have damaged.

All within two months.

Thank you so much, my minion aeronautical captain. You also successfully turned a ramble post into a gratitude post.

Only A.

And Allah is Knower of all things. – MM

I Recall: 7 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Hi! So the previous post was not as cheerful as my Eid celebration yesterday. I am feeling great actually unlike what the previous post suggests. Muahahaha!

This year’s Eid was different as we broke our annual tradition of visiting as a large group on a chartered bus.

But I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself! I got to reconnect with my paternal grandmother.

I also got to reconnect with a very special cousin, Riyandi!

I told him about my ex, my band, and A. It was fun being all nostalgic with my cousin about the good old days when we jammed together. To be honest, I never thought I would jam again and then my ex happened which consequentially led me to finding a band to sing for. Hahahaha! Let the good times roll.

I also invited him to collaborate with myself and A. Imagine this trio set-up: Ruu Dee, Huu Dee, and Ryan Dee.

Glorious, I tell you!

So I hope everyone is feeling happy too. I actually have a few more things to share including updates on my VN project, other project plans, and a new handphone.

Yep!

Nothing glam la, just had to upgrade and I went for the cheap one with decent specs that is all.

Anyway, have a family photo and a solo photo… because I know you all love me. 🙂

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 5 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Ola.

I actually didn’t want to blog until the next update for A Singer’s Dream. However, there were a few things I needed to get off my chest.

Firstly, I have mentioned before that there was something that has been haunting me for a bit. Well, I was supposed to co-own the house yesterday in a bid to pay off the remaining house loan through my CPF as my dad wants to stop working already given his age and health. However, when we were at HDB, they explained to us that that policy had ceased in April. Now, if I would like to help in paying for the remainder, I would need to reapply for the loan with HDB or the bank under a completely new transaction of me being a co-owner or my parents selling the house to me. At that very first mention, my mind was already decided to forget about the whole matter. It is best that we fork out the $1157 per month by cash. I am unable to help this year as I am currently paying my study loan at $1070 per month but should things be too difficult, I will have to borrow off from the monthly $500 I give to my mum.

Yea, the sadness therein lies in me looking forward to financial freedom next year upon settling the final payment for my loan in December this year. However, I guess it is not to be so. I will have to instead stick to the usual $1k and more flying out of my pocket.

Once again, I find my back driven to the wall.

So one fateful day had turned into fateful years ahead.

Secondly, for some reason A had a lot to say about the injustices I suffered in my life. It even seemed to outrage him more than it outraged me. Anyway, we came to the topic of my past. He told me to love myself.

Okay. Stop.

I have a huge problem with that statement to be honest but I was not able to be honest with him about it.

To be fair to him, he was saying it in the context of my past when I had absolutely lost it and gone astray, ironically in the frustration of guys telling me to love myself when I offered to love them.

Okay, look here, maybe it never occured to them boys that I was already loving myself that the love grew bigger than myself and that I was ready to share it with someone special.

Deal with it, I am fine on my own with or without. I went to football matches, seminars, and other events by myself when even guys themselves brought company.

And quite frankly, I am quite sick of admiring my beauty myself. Muahahaha!

Okaylah, I may not be a supermodel but I have my good days when I look absolutely gorgeous. *hands you bucket for you to vomit in*

You’re welcome.

However, sure, since it came from a humble 35-year-old who had been through hardships, I would be an arrogant fool to not heed his humble advice/reminder. God knows we all need reminders, even when we think we don’t.

So, since I don’t know how much more I can love myself than I already do, with my back driven to the wall once again, I am basically putting myself off the market.

I am done asking and looking. If you want me, come and find me and get me. Even if you do try to find me, sorry, there are no guarantees that I will bother.

This is the stake I’m planting on my ground: I can’t be bothered.

So, boys, how does it feel now that I have been loving myself?

Yeah, I thought so.

And Allah is Knower of all things. – MM