I Ramble: 20 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Righto, I ended my good blogging streak. 😦 But that’s mostly because I’ve been out and about. I think it started with last Saturday, which was the day of the pre-selection test. I feel like I botched it but at the same time, I don’t feel too discouraged by it. Since it was a 50-50 sentiment, I went to apply for more jobs recently. A bookstore, two apparel stores, and the crowd’s favourite state of fun.

Right now, I’m about 8 minutes away to the start of my Skype interview with a Japanese company. Pretty anxious mostly because I don’t know what to expect and as with technology and stuff, things can get wonky.

Here goes nothing.

And Allah is Al-Musawwir, the Fashioner. – MM

I Ramble: 16 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Ola!

Yes, you may have noticed, I’m feeling better than yesterday.

I was being difficult yesterday but le fiance knew how to pacify me. 😀

That makes me appreciate him a lot more and I already appreciate him a lot to begin with.

But there’s always room for one to learn how not to be a jackass to one’s fiance. And boy, have I learnt.

I’m really worried about the test tomorrow. I hope I can excel in it and be employed. Only one chance at it, you know. 😦

But no matter what happens, whatever it is, I need to learn to be more flexible mentally. To adapt to situations quickly and to make quick decisions as situations arise. I cannot allow myself to be stuck on a problem or an emotion or a situation for a long time.

And Allah is Al-Baari, the Maker. – MM

I Ramble: 14 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Some days, I just want to cry. What a real pickle I have gotten myself into. And today, I feel it even more so when I had to buy a deodorant using twenty-cent coins from my piggy bank…because I ran out out one-dollar and 50-cent coins earlier this year.

Even the officer at the mosque kind of sighed when I gave him coins for the Muslim’s obligatory alms, otherwise known as Zakat Fitrah. In a sense, it made me look like I am some stingy monster who doesn’t even want to pay a mere $7 properly and used coins to be rid of loose change so I can hoard my notes for stuff that ‘matters more’. When really, I am that short of money. I feel absolutely upset by this.

Maybe I’m a monster after all, which is why I’m like this.

But other days, I realise that others have it worse than me. Their struggles are far more real than mine. I still have a family I can lean on for a bit until this wave of diffculty tides over. I still have a roof over my head. I still have access to information. I still have freedom of choice. I still have electricity to meet my basic needs. I still have food on the table. I still have my health.

If anything this Ramadhan has taught me so far is to 1) remain humble and humbled; 2) do not be stressed by things that are beyond my control; and 3) God’s tests are great but His wisdom is greater and He will continue to test me during times of difficulty and test me during times of ease.

How am I doing in His tests so far? I’m still doing very poorly. I still need to exercise patience and I still need to have more concentration and sincerity in my prayers.

The only good news though is that I’m about 90% done with settling my housing issue, Alhamdulillah.

Even better news is that I’m slowly rekindling my relationship with Allah. I have sinned in the process, yes, but I’m still trying to be a better Muslim. 

A concrete example is my change in mentality regarding Terawih prayers, the supplementary night prayers that can only be carried out during Ramadhan. I used to convince myself, “It’s just supplementary, not mandatory, no sins for not carrying them out”. I must tell you I really struggled with having to start Terawih again to the point where I had to force myself no matter how much I didn’t want to do them. Now, I find myself saying to the lazy bugger in me, “Terawih is only during Ramadhan, you can’t do them on other months and there are only a few days in one month”. And then it wasn’t such a hard thing to do after all.

I even managed to read the Quran before performing the obligatory night prayer, Isya’, followed by the supplementary night prayers, Terawih. Alhamdulillah.

I know, to you, dear readers, it seem like my acts of worship are only in vain. That my faithfulness doesn’t lead to me having a better situation in life. And it seems that even when I tried my best to practice my religion properly, it does not seem to reap any benefits for myself or my life.

Almost laughable.

But dear readers, this is where our purpose in life differs. What is your purpose in life? My purpose in life is to worship the one who created me, whom I will return to again in the Afterlife. If my acts of faith and worship benefits my life on earth, that is a bonus for me. I am more concerned about reaping benefits for my Afterlife, which is eternal. Life on earth is temporary. I’m not saying I won’t be making an effort for my life on earth. No, I will always make an effort. But I recognise that my efforts are never in vain. I may not reap what I sowed now but I will definitely reap them in the Afterlife, where it truly matters. Isn’t it meaningless, to put so much effort into bettering your life only to have someone take it away from you unfairly by killing you for example? What is the point then? Every good thing we do, is never in vain. It will one day save you. Even an atom’s weight of good deeds on the scales of Judgment Day will be accounted for. And you never know if that very atom might be the deciding factor between heaven and heathen as your final destination.

Yes, I prayed for patience. Do I have a job yet? No. Why? Because patience can only be exercised when you feel gan chiong (I still can’t spell that properly, shucks) or harrowed.

Yes, I prayed for good health. Can I tolerate motion sickness in land transport? No. Why? Because if I don’t have motion sickness, I won’t have empathy for those who do and will most probably accuse them of being the cause of delays or ruined fun in travels. And I certainly can’t suggest ways to counter it.

Yes, I prayed for wealth. Am I rich yet? No. Why? Because I needed to appreciate wealth in other forms. I still have a complete family. I still have my health. I came across a very powerful quote online:

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

I can be rich with all the money in the world but at the same time, if I am poor in values, poor in morals, and poor in good deeds and worship for my Afterlife investment, then I am just one of those with a loss. I cannot put all of my money and properties on the scales of Judgment Day to gain access to heaven. And I may even end up having to wait longer before I can enter heaven because I have to account for every single penny I own and spent, granted that I spent wisely and/or on enough good causes for me to go to heaven.

With that said, yes, I will continue working hard on getting a job while seeking help in patience and prayer. I will also make a special prayer this Thursday night, Solat Hajat, directly translated as Request Prayer. I have never done it in my life. So far I have only needed to pray as usual. However, given the almost dire situations of Baeda and Beedin, I am a desperate Muslimah now. Whatever the outcome may be, whether my request will be fulifilled immediately or later on or never, I know Allah is the most wise and He is the best of planners so I trust that His decisions are the best for me in this world and in the HereAfter.

May Allah guide us onto the right path and let us not be among the losers, especially in the HereAfter. Amin.

And Allah is Al-Baari, the Maker. – MM

I Ramble: 12 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Ola! I’ve been keeping myself occupied with sleep, The Nanny, studying for the pre-selection test this Saturday, reading (A LOT), and learning a bit of 3D programming from this book I picked up at the library:

csjava

I just realised the editor’s name isn’t your typical Western name. Smashing. What if one day it was to be my name on a book about programming? The wonders! ❤

Anyway, it’s really a good book. Simple and easy to follow. I definitely recommend this to anyone without any knowledge in 3D programming like myself. I must admit, it is easier if you have dabbled with HTML and CSS codes before. Not exactly the same but similar in terms of scripting rules like adding a semicolon at the end of each line of code you write. I thank God I was a keen enough blogger back then to design my own blog layouts from scratch. I mostly used HTML though because it was simpler to me. With WordPress though, I think you have to be a Premium user before you can access the coding editor page so for this blog in particular, I have just been using the free templates available.

Also, besides worldly matters, I’m glad to say I have reached the end of Surah At-Taubah and will be starting Surah Yunus on my next recitation of the Quran. At-Taubah means The Repentance and is somewhat appropriate in accompanying me during my attempt to turn my life around a bit for the better. But hey, now, I’ll get to learn more about the Prophet Yunus, also known as Jonah according to biblical references.

And oh, yes, about Mortal, well, I decided to continue the night timeline instead of going into Zola’s first day of classes to talk a bit more about the mysteries at hand. The thing is, I actually planned for the book to consist of only 10 chapters yet I already spent three chapters dwelling on a single day and night. I suppose it would give an interesting edge to the action that will ensue in terms of things happening in a very short time. Logically, six months can be considered quite long for a mother to find out that her baby is dead and want to take revenge or simply find the cause of the death. So why is it only now are our immortal protagonists shaken? Why is it that only when Zola arrived at Arevig that things are about to unfold very quickly? I am so tempted to give more spoilers but let’s leave it at that.

As for my visual novel, it might reach a certain point of frustration because my saved project was recently infected by a malware. I will have to start from scratch again and the prospect of doing so, isn’t really something I’d be very enthusiastic about. Still, I’ll continue to work on it. The last time I touched it, I was struggling with trying to make an opening sequence using RPG VX Ace. I will need a lot of time on it.

Also, I’m very pleased with Arsenal signing Sead Kolasinac. Gosh, he is what Arsenal needs in the Premier League (PL). Big guy. Most of the guys in Arsenal do not have that physical presence besides Olivier Giroud, whose deft touches on the ball make him look more nimble than gargantuan. Otherwise, I’m rather displeased by lies told by the media about Hector Bellerin, Alexis Sanchez, and Mesut Özil leaving. Let’s face it, Özil signed for Arsenal due to Wenger being the manager on the most part of it. Özil was leaving it late to extend his contract because he probably would like to know if Wenger is still signing on. So even if the club doesn’t want to keep Wenger, the club definitely wants to keep Özil and the only way that can happen is to keep Wenger.

But that’s just my speculation. I could be entirely wrong about it of course. It’s just what I’d like to believe. Hehe.

In any case, I feel what Manchester United fans feel when they had to play for the Europa League instead of the Champions League (CL). It feels somewhat embarrassing but it might just be the bitter medicine that the club needs to remedy its lack of winning ways. Judging from our performances in recent years in the CL, I’d say we’ve looked completely out of it. Inconsistent and not validating the club’s quality in any way. I mean, look at our players’ recent performances in international games this week — where was that same quality in the PL and CL matches?! Rather baffling isn’t it? Wenger gets the flak for most of the disappointments but one definitely has to wonder why those players aren’t turning up for the big and important games. Also, as much as Wenger and the club have been criticised, they are definitely doing something right in training the players to be top quality international players. I’ve seen the fantastic goals by Giroud, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, and Aaron Ramsey. If they turn up for Arsenal games like that, we might just have another Invincibles on our hand if not at least PL winners. Even Shkodran Mustafi, a defender, scored!

And I must say, after being out of the loop for an entire season, I am pleasantly surprised to find out that Granit Xhaka is a Muslim. Oh, my stars! I mean look at the picture of the players below for an Arsenal event! I’m pretty sure that’s the ‘Halal’ table! Hehe!

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Okay, Bee, let me introduce you to my handsome Muslim husbands whom I have divorced so I can marry you. (Hehe! Just kidding!) From left to right in clockwise rotation: Mohamed Elneny (Midfielder, Egyptian), Mesut Özil (Midfielder, German of Turkish descent), Shkodran Mustafi (Defender, German of Albanian descent), and Granit Xhaka (Midfielder, Swiss of Albanian descent).

Oh, Wenger really knows how to get his Muslim footballers, doesn’t he? I think it helps greatly that London has many Muslims living there so getting Halal food and going to a mosque is not an issue either.

But more than anything, Wenger really has a good sense of finding good-looking footballers. I mean look at the latest one, Kolasinac. Gosh.

Anyway, that’s all from me for now. Happy fasting and have a good day!

And Allah is Al-Mutakabbir, the Greatest. – MM