I Ramble: 2 August 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Today, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Yesterday was the first day I experienced Shop Floor (SF) duties. Now I feel like crap already. Hahahaha! The good thing is that I’m starting late today at 12.30pm but I end at 11pm. The bad thing is that I’m starting early tomorrow at 8am. You see the very small time window I have before I start work in the morning? But the good news is that I end an hour earlier tomorrow, at 5.30pm instead of the usual 6.30pm. The day after tomorrow, I will be working from 12.30pm to 11pm again. But then the bad news is I’m working straight to the weekend, with my next off day falling on this Sunday.

Ah, my body. Help. T_T

And Allah is Ar-Rahman, the All-Compassionate. – MM

I Write: My Ache (Original Lyrical Idea)

My feet ache
But not as bad as my heart
Plunged into the abyss
Waiting to hit the bottom end

My head spins
But not as dizzying as your games
Rotating on wheels
Creaking sounds of carousel

Round, round, round we go
When we stop, nobody knows

And so it turns
The wheel of life
Hoping it will bring me somewhere
I realise
We are so full of despair
The only thing we have is air

My hands hurt
From the bites of the cold
But not as cold
As your heart

My heart burns
From the flames of your lies
Screeching tyres
I gotta burn some rubber out of here

Round, round, round they go
Where they stop, nobody knows

And so it turns
The wheel of life
Hoping it will bring me somewhere
I realise
We are so full of despair
That even the day is
As dark as the winter night
I hold a light to your face
But you erased my name

The only thing we have is air
The only thing we have is air
To breathe
But we never know if we do live

And so it turns
The wheel of life
Hoping it will bring me somewhere
I realise
We are so full of despair
The only thing we have is air

And so it turns
The wheel of life
Hoping it will bring me somewhere
I realise
We are so full of despair
That even the day is
As dark as the winter night

The only thing I have is you
But you erased me

I Write: I Chant Your Name (Original Lyrical Idea)

I chant your name
A wish in the back of my head
Hoping to see you right in front of me

I cry out Your name
A desire that is deep in my heart
Hoping to know if You will hear me

Blasphemy

This love is just an illusion
Yet it’s so real to me
If I can see, I can feel
If I can feel, I can touch
I guess a little is too much

I bow down in fear
A longing to make you stay here
Hoping that you will love me

I walk away when You’re near
A yearning to be with my dear
Hoping that You will let me love him

Impiety

Your love is more than illusion
It’s so real yet I oversee
I’m deaf and dumb
And dumb and blind
I know too little in my mind

I Ramble: 29 July 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I must say that five out of the seven songs that the guy highlighted in the video below, are the ones that helped me through life. In fact, many Linkin Park songs have helped me out a lot.

I know, you’re probably sick of the whole Chester’s death thing but I guess it affects me quite a bit.

I suppose it’s because I, or even we, have always thought of the lyrics as words that were meant to relate to us or to connect to us…but I/we never realised that they were cries for help or even suicide notes to a certain extent.

What I really want to talk about in this post is about songwriting.

I miss it. A lot. It’s been a while since I’ve tried to write a song. As someone who aspires to be a songwriter, I feel like I have regressed so badly in my craft. G-Dragon from the famous K-Pop group Big Bang shared that he wrote a song every night before sleeping. That’s the ideal calibre for any songwriter really. It’s not about waiting to be inspired or waiting to have the mood to do so. It is a form of discipline. You cannot develop or progress without discipline in anything you do. I’m slowly picking up the habit of being more disciplined but I need to do better. For now, I have somewhat become a bit more consistent in blogging but there is still room for improvement. Even blogging is a skill which needs to be honed. Maybe to people, it is laughable or negligible…

Until they realise, wow, I don’t know what to blog about. That is one thing. Content generation does not come out of thin air. If it is a personal blog with no intended audience, fine then. But actually even so, what exactly do you intend to reflect on your day? What is important to you? If you have readership on the other hand, what is important to your audience? Are you restricted to a certain theme or style if you blog for a publication?

Another thing is about how to blog what you want to blog about. Are you coherent? Can people understand you? Do you even want to be understood? How are you going to express your tone just by using words or only pictures? How do you say something without offending people unintentionally? How do you intentionally offend people in a subtle way?

So, conclusion: I would like to get back to writing songs now that I’m quite settled in writing blog posts.

And yes, as an aspiring songwriter, I too would love to write meaningful songs that anyone can relate to.

If even a single word from me can save someone’s life, I would be the happiest person in the world because that would mean I have done my job as a responsible individual.

And Allah is Al-Ghafur, the All-Forgiving. – MM

I Ramble: 28 July 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I was thinking of discussing a difficult topic but I realised I may be well out of my depth to talk about it.

So I think I’ll just stick to what I know.

You see, I have this newfound friend who is going through a difficult time in his personal life. From the very first time he shared with me his story when we first met, I could already sense the grief he has about it. There was so much sorrow in the way he express it. On a certain level, even, it felt like he needed to talk to someone about it but didn’t have the opportunity to do so.

I may not be the brightest or prettiest or most talented or most popular. But I am certainly blessed with the gift of allowing people to feel comfortable to confide in me or share things about themselves with me, which they normally don’t even with their closed ones.

So today, to feel that sorrow again when I met him for business, affects me a bit. Made me rethink a lot of things that’s got to do with myself.

Made me think about how much more worn out he is yet there he is still hustling and here I am struggling to be energetic after a week of work. It’s an ugly truth but I should face it nonetheless: I get very self-absorbed when I’m tired. Moral of the story: Other people get tired too and their fatigue can actually be greater than mine. Be more considerate, Nurul Huda.

I feel very guilty and sorry for not pulling my weight more in the partnership. I’ll have to practice mindfulness in order to circumvent similar situations from happening again.

Another reason why I would need to step up more than ever in the partnership is to contribute in a personal way, my way of showing emotional support as a friend. I know this is a very sensitive period for him. Usually, I’m very carefree in my interactions with those of the opposite gender but I’ve been restricting myself from interacting freely with him. Why? Because people are dumb asses. There is a tendency for them to make assumptions, especially those from the negative camp. I think it’s wise to avoid generating fodder for the rumour mill. Girls, please take note; Yes, there is nothing between yourselves and your guy friend but think of the people around your guy friend. Be mindful of their situations and carry yourselves appropriately. I have seen some girls going around asserting their right to be friendly. Yes, it is your right but isn’t it also right to spare everyone including yourself the trouble by being proper in your interactions?

That’s just my two cents though.

So yeah, as much as I’d like to be all “Bruh, I’m here for you anytime” kinda thing, I can’t be that kind of friend. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend, right? There are many ways to be a good friend so working harder on the business, I feel, is a good way of showing brotherly support.

*fist bump*

Also, we are all too familiar with how student-looking I am so people may not feel the ‘engaged woman’ vibe from me. HAHAHAHA. So see, all the more I need to be careful in the way I carry myself.

I hope nobody at work has a crush on me. HAHAHAHA EH DON’T LAUGH, PLEASE! When le fiancé and I worked together for the warehouse sale part-time gig, a Bangladeshi worker had a crush on me, which I totally did not realise until le fiancé pointed it out to me HAHAHAHAHA! He even dropped his chicken while offering me food during lunch break and got laughed at by his friends. Poor chap. He was still sweet to me on the second day though. HAHAHAHA.

I miss working with Beedin. Hehehehe. Maybe one day, the both of us can work together again. Not necessarily job-wise but things like music collaborations, which we did successfully last year or making things like for our engagement gifts. Basically projects and stuff.

But of course, it will be nice to see him around at the workplace but he doesn’t fancy working at my workplace hahahaha.

Anybody wanna join me? Hahaha! I wouldn’t recommend it per se but I’m just saying it would be nice to see a familiar face around. Hehehe.

I hope everyone is in a better situation than myself and my friend. I’m not exactly in the worst situation but I’m struggling. I do not wish for anyone to go through what I went through.

But do not be mistaken. The both of us may be in turbulence in or own situations but we are at peace with ourselves.

And that’s a kind of happiness that people frequently long for but rarely find.

Be grateful, my friends.

Keep calm and support Street MOB Clothing. HAHAHAHAHA.

Eh, t-shirt idea sia. I should suggest that to him!

And Allah is Al-Halim, the Forbearing, the Indulgent. – MM

I Ramble: 27 July 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I know I mentioned I was supposed to rest at home today but my shift was swapped. So I’m working today from 7.30am to 6pm and I will get my rest day tomorrow instead.

I told le fiance that it has begun…the last-minute change of working day/hours and all negative connotations attached to them.

I have heard a lot of talk around me and I could now see why many of them are unhappy.

But for now, I shall play nice.

Anyway, I’m typing this in the MRT on the way to work. A bit upset with the fact that I had to keep standing in the MRT from Tampines to City Hall and if I’m to be unlucky some more,from City Hall to Somerset but I usually don’t complain much about that short ride.

I realise now why I’m more knackered than I thought I would be. Having to travel 1 and a half hours to work and then another 1 and a half hours back tires me out more. The work hours thus far are not too bad if you think about it. It is pretty much extended for an additional hour to your usual 8-hour work. It just seems longer in numbers due to the one and a half an hour break.

So right now, I need to let my body fully assimilate to the back and forth train journey.

I know I could always get up earlier and leave the house earlier to take a train to Pasir Ris to ensure I get to sit down all the way to City Hall but I much rather use the time to sleep peacefully on the bed than nodding off on the train. Hahahaha!

Anyway, I’ve reached City Hall interchange and am on the train to Somerset. Pretty empty train hahaha.

I’m hungry. Had a hard time getting out of bed so I didn’t have time for breakfast. Will squeeze a bite in when I reach since I will arrive at the workplace half an hour earlier. HAHAHAHA.

I know, it’s weird, Nurul Huda is early for work. By half an hour some more. 😱

And Allah is Al-Khabir, the All-Aware. – MM