What is limitation?; I Ramble: 12 May 2023

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I woke up today just as my husband wanted to go to bed at around 9am. No typos there.

I’m having difficulty keeping my eyes open and my body feels wrecked. Technically, I have only worked for two days and on both days, the crowd is mild. However, I feel super worn out right now.

Maybe I overexerted myself last night. I just kinda took it upon myself to help all departments with their customer-returned items by passing to them from the fitting rooms as well as the welcome desk.

Maybe I didn’t realise I have been overexerting myself by working everyday. I just never really get to have a proper rest. Being a GrabFood walker is no walk in the park. My shoulders and back are hurting a lot from carrying big and heavy orders.

Whatever it is, I only have a few hours to recover. Today’s shift is going to be more tiring with a small crowd coming in the evening.


I’ve got nice things to be cheered up by, though. A kind soul at work, Davan, got me a bag that’s meant for fishing stuff. Hooray! I really like how compact it is. It’s not waterproof but it’s nifty! It comes with modular boxes that can help me organise my fishing stuff. I prolly don’t need all 4 boxes so I can have room to keep my reel in it! I am extremely grateful!

I also realised that everyone at work treats me as a valuable member. My sister even commented that I am happier now. It is definitely something to be grateful about.

I also had a deep conversation with Shike last night. That is also something to be grateful about. Mate pretty much is exhausted as I am. I think he works more than I do in Australia. We finally sorta caught up with whatever was going on in our lives. Mostly, I needed a perspective I couldn’t get from Singapore. Our conversation made me realise that I know what to do all along. I am just bound to inaction.

Well, what is limitation?

How far can I push my body? What are my physical limits?

How heavy are the responsibilities I carry on my shoulders that cause my movement to be limited? What can I do with and without?

How do I know what is the best outcome? What are my rights?

The conclusion for now is that I need an honest conversation with myself and an overdue long good cry.

And Allah is Al-Baari, The Originator. – MM


Agenda; I Ramble: 3 December 2020

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Sometimes, I hate the fact that my company does not issue the 13th month bonus at year end but in the month that coincides with Lunar New Year.

Anyway, I promised myself that I would blog yesterday but it was the only thing from my agenda that I failed to complete:

My dead Dracaena looked like a green Tiger Lily.

I still need to give my head a good wash today. More scabs have formed on my scalp and they have been flaking on my t-shirt.

I’m not sure if my basil microgreens are ready to be harvested. They really have a lovely foliage. I think I did a really good job with the bottom watering.

If they are, I’ll eat them with instant noodles. Lol.

I suddenly have a craving for kopi peng (iced coffee) and instant noodles.

I’ll read another chapter from the book mom gave me.

I’ve gotten a better hang of the Peaky Blinders: Mastermind. Will definitely do anoter Let’s Play session for that.

I’m also up for Borderlands 3 but if Nora is not up for it, I’ll work on my Adventure Captitalist. Lol.

It’s really itchy. Also, my neck and shoulders are really tense from not being able to lie supine on the bed. Hais.

I also need to remind myself to sort out my finances today. Need to budget.

The salon has agreed to compensate me accordingly to my claim submissions. Despite the government subsidies, the medical fees chalked up to about $200++ now. Mostly due to A&E fees, which is $123.

Their managment wants their employees to drop by my house and pass me a fruit basket. I don’t know why I said yes. Deep in my heart, I really don’t want to. To be honest, I feel a lot of resentment and unhappiness and I have been trying to keep them bottled. On the other hand, it’s essential to my growth as a person. To be able to handle it with a little class and grace.

It will really force me out of my comfort zone.

Take it and run!

And Allah is Al-Muta’ali, The Self Exalted. – MM


In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.


I’m doing considerably better than my first day with open wounds after seeing the Plastic Surgery doctor.

I couldn’t really get any sleep on that night. I kept waking up every hour due to the sensation of the dripping serum/pus or my hand cramping from cradling my head due to the prone sleeping position I was forced to take on.

However, the next day, which was just yesterday, I became more productive.


I repotted a pot of Dracaena that my undercover boss gave to me after my husband left the house to set up a friend’s computer.

Took out from that pot and repotted them into three separate pots.

It was my first time repotting and I wasn’t sure on how to go about it. So I video called my dad and he guided me through the steps. My mum happened to be beside him and so she chipped in as well.

After which, I decided to reciprocate a gift from a friend and colleague, Matthew.

He drew me a character from Totally Spies back in July. I promised him that I’d draw for him. Since my time was freed up, I decided to try it out.

Obviously, I messed up on the eyes and the length of the face. I shared it with Matt and he’s happy with it so that’s all that matters!

I have been rewatching Archer on Netflix. Just been informed that Season 11 will be ready on 4 December! Can’t wait!

I also started playing its mobile game, Archer: Danger Phone. Am I obsessed with the series?

Well, I really do like the colourful character of Archer. Don’t tell my husband that I fancy him! He’s already jealous of Mesut Özil! Hehe.

When my husband returned, he cooked chicken rendang for me but before we had a chance to dig in, my parents popped by for a surprise visit!

My mum brought a chicken dish for us as well. She said she made curry chicken without using curry powder! I haven’t tasted it yet until now. Secretly hoarding it. Lol.

She bought me a mask extender and whadya know, she bought me a book from Times as well. She said since I had sudden free time, I might enjoy reading the book she chose for me. She said after she read the summary on the cover, she thinks it might be something I’d enjoy.

What do you guys think? Will I enjoy reading this? Only one way to find out!

My husband packed some of his chicken rendang for my pops and I got a Grab to send them home. After that, my husband and I had our dinner and then washed up and hit the sack.

I only woke up once last night, which was an improvement. Woke up panicked when I realised I was sleeping on my left neck! I think it was possible that I was too tired from the lack of sleep and from the activities I engaged in. Hopefully, I can sleep better tonight!

Not quite sure if I should start on my microgreens or read the book my mum gave today. My undercover boss gave me more seeds and soil and a new tray to play around with. My husband will be heading out shortly to assist his sister in moving her things through the night. Not sure if I’ll do one or the other or both.

Decisions, decisions.

Or maybe I’ll even play a computer game since I can have the computer to myself! Muahahaha!

I also need to give some attention to my repotted Dracaena. My undercover boss verified that they’re attacked by fungus as seen from the spots.

I have been advised to get Hydrogen Peroxide on them but I’m forbidden from leaving the house. I told my husband to help me buy it if he somehow had a chance to get it along the way. Which I don’t think is very likely.

My husband wants to bring me to the salon tomorrow to raise the issue and to settle. There’s a pharmacy right across so I might just get it tomorrow.

Truthfully, I’m not looking forward to it at all but I have to grow some balls and face the unpleasantness of having to do so.

If they are willing to settle, I don’t know if I want to opt in for skin grafting to attempt to restore my neck to its original condition. I mean it makes sense that they should cover the cost but at the same time, am I willing to subject myself to more pain and trouble? In the end, it’s still a medical procedure so it definitely comes with its own baggage of medical risks and post-op care.

Feeling a little lost here.

And Allah is Al-Batin, Knower of the Hidden. – MM

The New Normal

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Right now, I’m really knackered but I’m struggling to find a comfortable position to sleep.

The plastic surgery department doctor decided not to dress my wounds.

So bare. So open. Kinda painful that it’s straining.

But I have to get used to this for the next seven days. I stress nao.

So far it’s looking better for me but it’s going to be extremely troublesome to care for.

My husband has forbidden me from leaving the house now since I’m walking around with open wounds.

I received very nice treatment from the nurses there though. I felt like I was being mothered.

While one Chinese nurse worked on cleaning my wounds and talked about how her child is better at the Bible than her, the other Malay nurse brushed my hair and applied olive oil and talked about how her child is better at the Quran than her.

That is the Singapore I’m fond of.

I thank God for allowing me to be attended by very good and caring medical staff.

So back to the subject, I have to adjust to this new norm: having to withstand the pain while showering and cleaning the wounds and having to sleep on my tummy.

I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep.

The medical staff were also concerned that I have yet to alert the salon about this. To be honest, I’m just not in the headspace to face conflict. I just want to heal.

I don’t know. Should I alert them? I’d probably do it myself. Can I just email them? Sighs.

And Allah is Adz-Dzhahir, The Manifest. – MM

I Won’t Let This Build Up Inside Of Me

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Today, I feel a little blue. Like I just want to cry out of sadness over what had happened to me. Yet at the same time, I don’t want to allow myself to do so.

I don’t know which option is better. I don’t know what’s best for myself anymore.

Anyway, I changed my dressing yesterday and the nurse was really kind and attentive to me. She helped me take photos of my wounds as she wanted me to sue the salon. She was quite spirited about it and really pitied me before being concerned for her daughter’s safety as well. Apparently her daughter patronises the same franchise but at a different branch.

Shared the photos with my undercover boss and he wondered if I was Wolverina LOL. He said the wounds were healing nicely. I hope so.

Today I woke up and got my husband to check on the dressing.

Still looks like pus is oozing out from various blisters.

Anyway, my next appointment for a dressing change is tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll get the same nurse so she can help me to take photos again. Hehe.

Then I’ll have an appointment with the Plastic department at the hospital on Tuesday.

I just hope everything will go smoothly and I get to recover quickly and get back into music again.

Just very simple dreams for now.

May He grant me His Favours. – MM

Mrs Too Patient, Too Independent

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I’ve had a horrible accident happened to me on Thursday 19/11. I’ve only just found the spirit to talk about it.

Remember my previous post when I talked about getting my hair done? Well, my hair wasn’t done properly but my neck was overdone.


I remember asking up front if there was anyone available for cut and colour.

I remember asking if my hair is okay to bleach.

I remember writhing in pain in the chair, unsure if I was supposed to feel intense pain. I was trying to get her attention but I was in too much pain and too unsure of what the heck was going on and she was too absorbed in serving another patron who made an appointment at 6pm. She was the only one working in the salon.

I remember feeling that my neck was burning up. I even asked her if I can have a wet towel to put on my neck because I felt it was burning. She refused. She ran to the nearby pharmacy to get antiseptic cream and only took a photo with the cream on. And the photo wasn’t even clear. It should have been a red flag to me but it was my first time and I definitely couldn’t see my neck.

So throughout the entire time, I had no idea how bad my neck was.

Even my ear had blistered.

I think the only reason why I sat through the entire time was because I had no freaking idea of the seriousness of my wounds. And the stylist kept telling me to get her attention when something felt wrong.

I don’t know, man, at that point, with the blame-shifting and the covering-up was just…

I basically cried throughout the entire time from when I felt my neck flaring up like crazy. I even mentioned if it was possible that the bleach was still on my neck but she was adamant that it couldn’t be because she separated it.

I don’t know, I mean, if it was someone’s first time bleaching, wouldn’t you have explained what will happen, what the process is like, and what kind of pain you expect to feel and what sort of pain you shouldn’t experience?

I didn’t even have much energy to reply to texts from Nora, whom I contacted about getting my hair done, since she had prior experience in bleaching, even her roots. Even she was alarmed that I was feeling pain and she suspected that I was burnt. Even my siblings who have bleached their hair felt that it was weird that I was still complaining of pain.

I just remember crying and crying from the pain. Like I really wanted to pass out from the pain. Like I really wanted to have water on my neck but I was made to stay in my chair.

I don’t know why it never occurred to me to text my husband about my ordeal. Like just inform him from the start. Like ask him to come down to the salon I was at to fetch me and help me as it was a 15-minute walk away from our home. I think towards the end of the session, I began to feel the need to see a doctor, which happened to be just across the salon in the mall.

The stylist wanted to bring me to the doctor but I refused. In my head, all I wanted to do is to know that I wasn’t overreacting from the pain and to just get medication to ease my pain.

At that point, any sane person would have refused to pay but because I didn’t know the extent of my burn and whether it was something I could remedy at home, I just paid my dues and right after, I walked to the clinic. The doctor had his backpack in his hand, ready to leave, when I entered the clinic but after seeing me in massive tears, he decided to take a look at me. Even the receptionist was kind to assist me in filling up my company-insured medical benefit form.

The doctor cleaned off the antiseptic cream that the stylist applied and remarked that there was chemical burn on my neck. He said even he was unsure of popping a big blister that had formed on my neck. He told me to visit the next day for a review and prescribed me painkillers and cream.

He shook his head when he saw my injury as he left the clinic.

But at that point, I still had no idea of the extent of my injury.

My phone was blowing up with texts from Nora on my way home, visibly upset that I still paid the full amount. It was only when I was about to approach home that I texted my husband to open the door for me due to an emergency.

He was grouchy when he opened it, demanding to know what the emergency was about but I kept crying and crying. You can imagine how much pain I was in.

I just urged him to close the door as I quickly undressed and when he saw my injury, he was truly devastated. He took photos with my phone but I didn’t look at them until after I got him to help me flush my neck with water as per the doctor’s instruction. I felt a whole lot better with the water but as soon as I stopped, my neck flared up again. If at this point, you are unable to imagine my pain, the following photos are going to give you an excellent idea.

Yeah, after I saw the photos, I was truly appalled. Like all that time, nobody showed me what exactly was going on. Not even the doctor showed me what happened. Maybe, if somebody had shown me the wounds, I would have taken a Grab straight to A&E. Or I would have even asked my undercover boss who was a former paramedic to guide me on the first aid I need to perform on myself before I head to A&E.

That brings me to thinking about how unreal my patience is. I’ve been accused of being impatient by someone I fancied before. Even my marriage, in the eyes of that person, felt like it was born out of my impatience. That it happened too quickly and that it was bound to end as quickly as it started.

I mean, I only knew my husband for six months before he asked me to be his girlfriend and three months later we got engaged before we got married about a year later.

But that got me thinking as well if I never fully processed the fact that I’m married. That I don’t have to be independent all the time. That I don’t have to shoulder my burdens alone. That there is someone I am supposed to turn to in my darkest hours of need. That I don’t have to be the strong one always.

My husband was extremely upset that I didn’t share about my pain when I was happily sharing with him my before picture and the transformation of my hair colour after bleaching. I even shared with him the video of the steamer going round my head with the bleach on.

When he asked me why I didn’t tell him, I said that I think I’m too used to being independent, getting things done myself and just trying to solve my problems on my own.

I think, maybe, the circumstances of my life has shaped me into this person who simply learnt to handle everything in silence. I think the biggest problem that comes with my patience and independence is that I don’t know when and how to ask for help.

And it also doesn’t help that the nature of my work entails solving problems for others and having to resolve issues myself.

In fact, while I was lying in bed in pain at close to midnight, my manager texted me asking about the aircon at the workplace. When I woke up the next day in the afternoon, my colleague texted me asking how to make the announcement regarding the purchase limit for the special collection launched today.

I digressed. Anyway, my husband felt too grossed out by the wounds to apply the cream that the doctor gave and I didn’t feel like he should slather any of it either.

He had to cancel plans we made with people, which I’m still feeling extremely bad about. One of those people is my undercover boss. When he got the news, he immediately called my husband to find out more.

In the meantime, I tried to eat dinner but I just couldn’t finish. So I went to bed after taking Ibuprofen and tried my best to sleep while laying on my tummy.

The Ibuprofen was only good for an hour when I woke up at 1am. I tried to make myself comfortable but the pain was still the same as before I went to sleep. At around 2am, my husband entered the bedroom to check on me and he saw me crying in bed so he offered another dose of Ibuprofen.

After that, he asked if I was perspiring and I said no. He became alarmed and took a closer look. He suspected the blisters popped and that pus was just oozing down my neck. He took a tissue to swipe and verified that it is as the stain on the tissue was yellowish.. He took photos and the entire time, he was just like, “Ya Allah, Sayang…”

That actually made me decide to go to A&E and seek medical attention. My undercover boss really wanted me to get to the hospital ASAP when I shared with him the photos my husband took earlier but I held out on that decision because I thought the injury was dry and I didn’t mind putting up with the pain.

Pain, I can tolerate. Infection, I cannot risk.

So off we went to Sengkang General Hospital at 3am in the morning. It’s still my favourite hospital. As a couple, we probably spent more time there together than any normal couple had. How the tables had turned though. Previously, it was me accompanying my husband to A&E but he got an ambulance ride. Now, it was him accompanying me to the hospital but I got a Grab ride. The Grab driver was really nice. He gave us an ETA, which felt like a nice gesture of telling me not to worry about having to endure pain for long as the ride will be a short one.

I was surprised that they still tagged me to my Tampines home. Lol. But we sorted that out when I made payment.

The reason why SKGH is my favourite is because the medical staff members are really top drawer. From Triage to treatment, everyone was kind and attentive. The doctor took photos of my wound to send to the Plastic department before proceeding to arrange wound cleaning and dressing. My husband watched the cleaning and dressing and was grossed out when he saw the medic peeling off my burnt skin to which my hair was stuck onto as well.

More pain for me, yippy.

But the pain wasn’t as bad as the burn, to be honest.

After that, they gave me a tetanus shot because they were worried that I might get infected by the bleaching chemicals and I was prescribed antibiotics as well. They prepared a memo for me to bring to the Polyclinic on Saturday to change my dressing and arranged an appointment with the Plastic department on Tuesday. And so goodbye to my zero MC streak this year. I received MC until 25/11.

Then we picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy and made payment. It was quite a hefty bill for me. It really was the A&E cost that hurt my wallet and my insurance doesn’t cover the bill.

Everyone we informed was outraged and told us to sue the salon. It isn’t your typical neighbourhood salon either. It’s actually part of a Korean franchise.

To be honest, my A&E bill was cheaper than my salon bill.

I managed to read a bit of Sun Tzu’s Art of War and there was this terrifying account of an emperor questioning Sun Tzu’s military training method. The emperor asked if the method could be used on women as well. So Sun Tzu asked him to gather his concubines, split them into two teams and appoint two of his favourites to become the leaders representing each group. So all these women were asked to bear arms and were taught basic military commands and were showed how to execute them. So after these women were briefed, they were asked to carry out as instructed. However, they kept giggling. I suspect that it was something new and surprising for them that they felt awkward and shy about executing the military actions. It’s human nature, common in women. Even when they were threatened with the prospect of having to face dire consequences for not following the directions closely, the women were still giggling. After which, Sun Tzu told the emperor to behead the two leaders for their inability to control their groups. Everybody, including the emperor was alarmed by this but Sun Tzu got the two beheaded anyway and after which, another two were appointed to be the leaders. Needless to say, nobody giggled and everyone complied perfectly. With no mistakes.

If I were to learn from that account on the surface, I could essentially put the stylist’s neck on the chopping block for damaging my neck. Make a complete example out of her and break her rice bowl.

However, what I actually saw from the account is that firstly, Sun Tzu didn’t say much to make his point but demonstrated his point by taking actions instead and that secondly, he claps back at the emperor’s doubts cast upon him by using what is dear to the emperor, which are the concubines, against him.

So what I really intend is to never allow anyone go through the mishap that had befallen me due to negligence. And I think a good way to do that is to request for a full refund (because I will still need to get my hair fixed at the end of everything) and compensation for all the unnecessary costs incurred on my wallet. I just hope that my request for a financial claim would be enough for the salon to handle this matter seriously and scrutinise the employees and work procedures more carefully. If they refuse, then I will have to take it to the authority. My husband on the other hand, felt that it might be better to take it to CASE straightaway.

We’ll see how it goes. Even my husband admits that after marrying me, he too became far more patient than he usually is. And it surprises himself and his family to this day. They kept feeling like he’s a completely different person.

While it does feel nice to have that effect on people, I hope people don’t become too patient like me!

I haven’t shared this incident on Instagram, particularly because I didn’t feel like retelling my story to each concerned individual.

I’m pretty sure if I did, that place could possibly shut down for unsafe practices. I have very fierce friends and they find it hard to withstand my tolerant trait.

For now I just want to focus on my recovery, finish reading Art Of War, and learn to play chess. I haven’t won a single game of chess in my life and I’m pretty upset by that.

Also, the arm on which I got tetanus shot hurts so bad. Is it normal? I really don’t know. Sighs.

May Allah ease my affairs. – MM

Cup Of Coffee For The Day and Cup Of Tea For The Night

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I should be sleeping in bed but for some reason, here I am in the living room, wide awake. Sipping on tea. Thinking about everything and anything. I’m really tired. I kid you not on how tired I feel yet here I am wide awake and blogging away.

Okay maybe not entirely wide awake because I can feel the heaviness of my eyelids setting in.

Okay my brain is starting to turn to mush now. Let’s see if I can blog anything decent.

Oh! I had a lovely surprise today! Well, actually, yesterday since it’s past midnight. My undercover boss dropped by my workplace to have a cup of 100% Arabica with me. I still remember the first time we had one together there when we were just starting to know each other. We were just immediately comfortable with each other. Which is nice. And now I feel like we’ve grown since we last met at the place. He’s less tense now. I still remember feeling like there was a burden he wanted to share back then but he shook it off when I pressed him. As for myself, hmm, while I’m still busy with work, I’ve learnt not to get too caught up with the load and I’ve also learnt to appreciate everyone’s hard work — not just my colleagues but my vendors as well.

I think that place is going to be nostalgic for me. Anyway, I digressed. Yes, he mostly came for the coffee and hot ladies but hey, the fact that I’m given the honour of sharing a cuppa still counts as a lovely gesture. So cheers to him for that!

So that turned my day around positively and made it so much more bearable for me. I managed to get through the seemingly neverending laborious task of unpacking clothes from the boxes.

I also think I strained a hand muscle or a finger joint? It’s slightly painful when I open and close my left fist. My pinky knuckle does look slightly red and swollen. I hope it simply goes away when I wake up in the morning later. Haha.

Another lovely surprise is when my husband told me when I reached home that he saw a bigger sign of growth of my Holy Basil! Check it out!

I seriously don’t understand plants. Just this morning, I was struggling to photograph the tiniest signs of life and now, boom!

Speaking of plants, I was also greeted by seeds in the mailbox sent by the government! I received Lady’s finger seeds and Chinese Spinach seeds!

I’ll read the instructions in the morning. For now, I’m too beat to be absorbing any information.

So yeah. A day full of surprises. Ihana!

I’m very thankful. So very thankful.

Alhamdulillah, thank You, Allah, for Your blessings on me. – MM