I Ramble: 7 June 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

As I sit here on my bed, thinking about life, thinking about my non-existent romantic life, I have begun to seal my fate.

Well, whether it will be unsealed will depend on Him. If He chooses to give, He will give. If He chooses to leave me be, He will leave me be.

I have accepted and whole-heartedly embraced the fact that I am not to have a lover in this world. That he will be waiting for me by the gates of Heaven. Even my mum is resigned to this fact. She said it is better for me. It is eternal love.

Well, perhaps this is why since long ago I have been keen to believe it is so. That God has willed it that I will never be reunited with my other half on this earth. Rather, in the Afterlife.

Perhaps that explains why I kept seeing the same guy in my dreams sporadically throughout my entire lifespan of 26 years. The same guy who said no words of love to me but held me in the most comforting embraces.

I have actually written a ballad, would you believe it, called Where Can You Be?

Maybe I can write a part two to it, a follow-up on me giving up my search to find him on earth. Instead, give my best to find my way to Heaven.

But then, who can love this beast more than Him? I suddenly crave and long to be by His side after so many heartaches created by men. I have lost count. I do not want to care anymore.

Meanwhile, I will continue to wander on these barren lands as a Metropolitan Muslimah, as a make-believe Javanese-Malay mermaid princess who can’t, for her life, swim, and as one lonely heart that beats reconciliation with her past, her future, and still it beats for now.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM


I Ramble: 5 June 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Ay, just how do you be a good friend to someone who is grieving?

Now I just feel like some selfish spoilt little girl. &:/

Well, I did pray for his heart to heal. Other than that, best course of action is to give the man some space.

Wow, I am starting to mature a little bit more now.

Or maybe not? NYEHS.

Hello, Ramadan. I was very grateful to be able to greet you again that I was slightly more enthusiastic in my worship than I usually am. Alhamdulillah. Even during Iqra’ class in the afternoon I felt that rush of blood to the head when I recited some verses of the Quran.

The Quran is awesome! I love it!

Well, right now I am polishing up on my recitation of Yaasiin. Hopefully, I can recite it every night.

In any case, I am really in a happy place, in a happy headspace. It took me long enough to remove the toxicity from my life. I just can’t thank Him and him enough for helping me through.

Hmm…. what else can I do? Was really thinking of baking him some comfort food but would he want to receive it? Haiy haiy haiy…

Never mind. I will just try. Going to be a challenge baking while fasting. Gosh there are just so many things I wanna do suddenly!!! Hahahaha!

Life is beautiful to me right now, which is why I secretly hope that I can share some of my sunshine and rainbows with those under clouds of grey…

Ehehehe. Yes, I have rediscovered my passion for lyrical writing.

Push mo yan Nurul Huda.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 4 June 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I have found my partner in crime.

Muahahaha! Well, basically he is thinking of us working on music as a duo, which is really really nice. He is pretty much a one-man band and I am pretty much in need of someone who can actualise the song ideas in my head. So, why not eh?

I am quite passionate about music after all. Having the opportunity to do so beats everything else. Well, maybe except being able to pursue a doctorate.

Insha Allah if I stick to my guns and guts, I can have the best of both worlds.

Let me be free. Let me be myself because all I ever really wanted in this world is to be myself.

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 28 May 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Looks like my blogging is turning into a weekly thing. Never my intention. Been itching to blog everyday but there doesn’t seem to be much for me to write.

Well, there is something that is going on in my personal life but I still feel very reluctant to share. Hahaha!

Yes, it’s about a guy. &;)

Hmm… I will just go with the flow, really. I only am certain that I trust Him. If we turn out to be each other’s prayers, great! If not, I shall not falter with the disappointment.

I still do think, “Who could ever love a beast like me?”

But at the same time, I know what I am capable of and despite the beast in me, I am still somebody’s beautiful dream.

Oh, the romantic poet in me!

And He is Knower of all things. – MM