I Ramble: 27 December 2018

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Meowsies.

Where do I even begin.

About ushering in 2019? Summarise 2018 and wrap up the year? About games and gaming? About being ill? About my husband? About life? About journalling? Ai yai yai yai yai. So many things yet so little energy for anything.

Maybe we’ll start with the following photo.

This is me taking a shot of my television, showing a gameplay of The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End on PS3 by my husband.

Yup, it’s close to eleven PM when we were playing a bit of POTC. I firstly want to express that I enjoy being married to someone who not only shares my hobbies but also engage in them. Best part is that neither of us were overly particular about how each other play. I must admit that I wanted him to save his gameplay on a separate file but then my better judgment got me to realise that hey, I can always replay the level if I ever feel like immersing myself fully in the game or being a completionist through collecting every single item and unlocking every chest and so on. There isn’t any pressing need for me to not share the gameplay anyway. But yes, if I was working on unlocking achievement seriously, I wouldn’t let him have the controller. Hahahaha!

The game was a fortuituos buy. Remember, I wanted to buy the first installment of Uncharted? Well, my husband and I stumbled upon a copy at Games Resort @ Compass One. It costs $30. My husband was telling me to just get it as PS3 games have noticeably dwindled in the shops. But when you’re the sole breadwinner of the family, you will obviously get sensitive about the price. $30, albeit half the price of what PS3 games usually cost, is still a pinch to me. So I decided not to get it from Compass One. Then, just yesterday, I jio-ed mum to go to Tampines Mall to look for a bullet journal. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the journal I wanted to get but then I remembered there were two game shops at one of the levels. The first shop that I went to didn’t carry Uncharted so I decided to try the adjacent shop, GameXtreme. I found a copy and it costs $25. So I thought I might as well get it because I don’t know when my next trip to Tampines will be and that I probably couldn’t get a better deal anyway. Lo and behold! Just as I wanted to make payment, the dude noticed a sticker on the case and said, “This one three for $10. Go and get two more with a sticker.”

Gnarly! What a deal! So I grabbed POTC and Assasin’s Creed: Brotherhood because nothing else interest me. For POTC, I played it on Wii before and I really enjoyed it so I thought I’d play it again on PS3 instead. Then I simply chose AC because my husband likes the franchise. Wow. It’s so different when you’re a single gamer and when you’re a married gamer, huh? Hahahaha!

So yup! Lucky me bought Uncharted for just 1/3 of $10 instead of $30. That’s like…errr…my fractions is not good. 1/3 of 1/3? Cos you know, it is like three times less of three times less? Oh, bollocks, nevermind me. Point is, it pays to be frugal. And nice. Cos nasty customers won’t get good recommendations. Muahahahaha!

So that’s about yesterday and games and gaming. It’s been a while since I’ve touched my console so I feel the vertigo pretty damn badly this time. My head just fucking hurts all the time now. Sheesh.

Oh, yeah, I mentioned about wanting to get a bullet journal. I know, I can just use any old notebook but I really wanted to emulate the creator of the bullet journal and I think that the dots would be pretty helpful in making markings and estimating the amount of space I need for certain sections of the bullet journal.

So there goes the dream. I know I can just get it online but like I said, I have to be frugal as I am the only person who is holding the money.

But yeah back to gaming, I haven’t started on Uncharted yet ironically enough. Hahahaha! That shows just how much I enjoyed playing POTC on Wii. To be honest, I can’t recall going through the same sort of experience on the PS like I did on the Wii! Let me just check for a moment if my instincts are true. Both versions really feel a whole lot different to me! Or is it I’m demented? Let me just check for a sec.

Oh yes, they are indeed different! Oh, my God! I recall smashing crates a lot more in POTC Wii and spending more time in the sea prison in the beginning chapter. POTC PS3 is like a super condensed version of the movie and I didn’t spend as much time in the beginning chapter.

Oh, wow, wow, wow! Nonetheless, this PS3 version that is new to me, is still enjoyable. It does have that Uncharted feel in terms of having to figure your way out and scaling walls and shimmey-ing ledges. So I figured that POTC is a great warm-up game to gear me up for POTC.

I found out about the versions being different from GameSpot. Man, it has been a while since I’ve been there and blog there. Now, I miss blogging there about games and all that jazz. Really takes me back given just how much I have rambled on about games in this post! Felt like the good old times!

For a proper game post, I should write about the differences I experienced in both versions and whether I enjoy one more than the other. Apparently the Wii version is the same as the PSP and PS2 versions but the PS3 and XBox360 versions are different, with the XBox360’s varying slightly from the PS3’s.

Wow, amazing! We all discovered something new!

Anyway, I feel like I rambled on long enough. Will definitely want to complete the games I started playing on both the PC and on the PS3. Also, will definitely want to get back to bullet journalling and be more life-organised.

I really like to make up my own words sometimes. Just how do you guys live with me? Hahahaha!

And Allah is Al-Wahhab, the Supreme Bestower. – MM

I Ramble: 21 July 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Managed to have a quick celebration of 8 months as a couple with Beedin on the day I signed my contract with Uniqlo, which was last Wednesday. I even put on a bit of makeup for the occasion, which was a treat for Beedin. He makes me feel very comfortable in my skin so I rarely wear makeup on our dates.

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Coincidentally, a Mexican navy ship was available near the place I signed my contract. Now, if you recall, Beedin made a ship for me out of ice-cream sticks to carry my engagement ring. So to have that ship around on our special day, was definitely significant. ^_^ I just had to snap a picture despite the sun being in our eyes hehe.

Sighs. I’m going to miss him terribly. I’m starting work tomorrow and I’ve been feeling quite nervous about it. I mean, I’ve read the reviews and experiences online and I personally have an idea of what retail is like because I’ve worked as a packer before at Giant Hypermarket Tampines. Here’s one experience that can probably scare anyone from working at Uniqlo: https://onesundaymorning.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/uniqlo-operations-management-trainee-singapore-2/.

Sure, the person was an OM trainee who revealed the salary to be at $2.7k so you might think, what’s the relevance, Baeda? But if you were to read the descriptions of the job, seem rather apt for a typical retail associate. So in that aspect, I’m quite mentally prepared.

Am I going to have the same experience? Well, we’ll see. I’m known to be a crybaby but hey, five years of childcare? I’m probably made of stronger stuff now. I’ll take folding clothes into the night any day compared to washing children’s toilets at the end of a tiring day.

And oh, I actually applied to be a Retail Associate but surprisingly, they assigned me as a Senior Retail Associate. I suspect it is due to my degree. Imagine if I had chosen to keep my degree a secret. Would have been a shame. I almost did so because the first time I applied to Uniqlo, I was ignored. HAHAHA. I thought probably my qualifications put them off. For some reason, I thought, hey, why not re-apply. And whazaaaa…they reverted to me in less than a week. Toinksss.

So yeah, good luck to me on that. I shall endeavour to blog about it every single day if I’m not exhausted but I have a feeling I will be completely knackered at the end of each working day. Hahaha!

But I’m hoping to be able to schedule my life properly because I do have a lot of commitments after all. I just need that staff roster and then I can plan from there.

But yes, a one-week’s grace will be very much appreciated. So if I’m quiet here for about a week, you’ll know exactly why. HAHAHAHA.

Had a meeting today with SMC brothers. We discovered that the purchasing system on the wixstore site was disabled as it needed us to pay for it. Toinksss. So apologies all. If you would like to order, please email streetmobclothing@gmail.com. Thanks!

Also, I’m very sad about the passing of Chester Bennington. He influenced me greatly in music and my songwriting. In honour of his memory, here is a song that helped me through shit, especially when I feel so alone and when I feel people couldn’t understand me.

Because I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself

May Allah ease the pain of his loved ones and may He have compassion and mercy on his soul. Amin.

And Allah is Al-Hakam, the Judge, the Arbitrator. – MM

I Ramble: 28 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I haven’t slept a wink and it’s already 5:25am now. I might be in trouble over the lack of sleep because I have not one but two interviews today.

Of all the days to be so wide awake at night….zzzzz

Maybe retrieving le fiance’s mail wasn’t such a good idea. Oh, the things he was put through. D:<

When it comes to money, both of us seemed to be tested greatly. Money going out but money not returning when it should be. I think if the both of us were to survive in the future, we need tighter financial policies. Hahaha!

But actually, no, it’s not really a laughing matter when both of us keep getting suckered out of our money out of our kindness.

I need to sit down with him and re-prioritise our pending payments.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure now that I’m annoyed by the thought of people getting away with our money, enjoying their lives, while the two of us battle hunger, sickness, and limited funds.

But knowing him and knowing myself, we won’t be fighting to get our money back. Instead, we’ll be fighting to start our earnings from scratch. Yes, it’s very painful to be conned of a four-digit sum and for him a five-digit sum if not a six-digit sum. But because we are very thin on resources, all the more we should utilise those resources in growing them.

So please, please, please pray for us our affairs will be made easier for us.

I also cannot thank Nora enough for helping me through these difficult times and both Nora and Lyra while I was in the Philippines.

I am also endlessly grateful to Him for letting them both into my life because if we were to base things on first impressions, both of them would certainly not be my friends and I would be worse off right now.

And I can never fully repay my family for spotting me cash in my time of need.

As for le fiance’s health update, he’s still weak and drowsy. It’s been a week now since that fateful night. I think what kept me up as well beside the abovementioned frustration in life is my anxiety in finding out if he will finally be well today. At least well enough to follow me to a group interview by the Japanese retail company I mentioned before in an earlier post. He is still keen on an outdoorsy driver delivery job but I much rather he stays indoors with people around him in a well air-conditioned place and goes home with a higher pay.

But I seriously think my pitch to him would centre more on the air-con. Hehehe.

Wow, it is 6:07am and I am still not sleepy and I have to be out of the house in about two hours.

Hais.

Stay financially wise everyone.

And Allah is Al-Baasit, the Expander, the Munificent. – MM

I Romance: 24 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Dear Bee,

Here are a few easy-listening songs for you to relax to while you are recovering. And well, okay, our favourite song at the end of the list hehe.

Love always,

Bae xoxo

P.S.: If you guys haven’t noticed, I have been signing off with Allah’s names (there are 99 of them), some were mentioned in the third video.

And Allah is Al-Qaabid, the Restrainer, the Straightener. – MM

I Ramble: 4 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

When it rains, it really pours.

My personalised Ramadhan challenge suddenly pales in comparison to the real life challenges I am facing in Ramadhan right now.

Received worrying news about le fiancé’s current health situation. He had to quit smoking cold turkey, which is causing him to relapse into a mild stroke. His hands are starting to be numb. I feel more frazzled right now. I truly hope, in case of an emergency, I would be able to respond accordingly and promptly.

Now I have to replan. The plan now is to make sure I don’t break under pressure. It is a race against time now and we have to pray hard that our situation right now does not worsen further.

I haven’t been able to sleep well for a couple of weeks now and even if I do, they’re mostly mares. I know for a fact that this is caused by the stress that is overloading my head. And my heart is ever oh so heavy.

Suddenly, I have to grow up overnight, overwhelmed by the prospect that I might lose him but at the same time, I have to accept my fate if all of my efforts fail and if Allah wills it to be.

For now, I am still trying.

It is back to those times when I had my cancer scare in 2015. I hope everything right now is just one big scare and nothing more than that.

I hope when I wake up tomorrow morning, both of our lives will turn around for the better. I need to hustle a couple of people tomorrow and if they do not deliver, I will have to march down and pray that I can walk in for an interview at Uniqlo.

Bright side though, I have finished reorganising my closet. So that is one Ramadhan challenge met. And that we all know that it takes Nurul Huda three days to do so.

Will update the ‘CHALLENGES’ page when I use the desktop computer. Right now, I am on my mobile.

If anything, I am most probably being tested for my readiness to be a wife; to see if I have it in me to be someone’s lifetime partner, to ride and die with. So far, I haven’t been doing well in the test, really looking like I’m flunking it but I don’t want to cave in yet. I am determined to the point of absolute stubbornness.

Ya Allah, please make it easy on me. I just need that greenlight…so near yet so unreachable. It all hinges on that one lifeline I have been counting on for some time to be fair. Ya Allah, grant me strength and resilience in asserting my rights. I waited to be interviewed for the job for hours only to be stood up and even after being interviewed, I am still waiting to be given the online test that was agreed to be given to me two months earlier. For this alone, I know I am one who has been done wrong. My prayer as someone who has been done wrong is for me to get the job tomorrow in order to sustain my livelihood and my families, both current and future. Amin.

And Allah is Al-Mu’min, the Guarantor. – MM

I Ramble: 1 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

“So what are you gonna do in your free time?”

Golden question. I replied to that question by saying I have been searching and applying for jobs. I applied for four in total I think by now. I will be ringing up my prospective employer later at 10am. I can’t believe it. I’m usually a bum but I’m actually ready to work. Well, when you are used to being financially independent and you have financial liabilities, I guess it is much easier to feel the urgency to work.

I intend to apply for the public library later in the morning. Will be a drastic change from the noisy environment I am used to at the former workplace. It would be nice for some quiet time.

But back to the question. I think besides feeling overwhelmed by restlessness, I should definitely utilise my free time for other productive things.

I am so spoilt for choices now. Hehehe.

That rambling aside, I miss le fiancé very much. I know, we just saw each other last Monday when he picked me up from the airport but we didn’t get to spend much time together because it was getting late for the both of us. He even had to walk home from Buangkok MRT station at midnight. </3

That brings me to the realisation that this is my last Ramadhan with my family. Next year onwards, I will be spending Ramadhan with le fiancé who will be my husband by then. In fact when we get married next year, it will be less than a week before Ramadhan.

I don’t think any of my family members realise that. :/

Well, I’m not going to make that a big deal. I just want to enjoy my last Ramadhan with them quietly. 🙂

And speaking of not spending enough time with le fiancé, it was a nice surprise when we both discovered we have the same love languages during our marriage course. Look it up online, the ‘5 Love Languages’. There is even a free test you can take to know how you communicate and feel love. For le fiancé and I, we both scored highly on ‘quality time’ and ‘acts of service’. That means we both express love to each other and feel loved by the other by spending a lot of quality time together and doing things for each other. Like him helping me to carry my backpack whether it is heavy or not or anything I’m holding (except my handbag unless I need to go to the toilet or need to do something). It’s helpful to know your love language and your partner’s because it will help you greatly in your relationship. For example, if le fiancé scored highly in ‘physical touch’ but I am not a physical lover, it might become a contentious issue if I don’t know how to meet his need to feel love through physical touch. And when you are married for life, every little thing tends to magnify because in the general understanding of a lifetime commitment, you know you will be stuck in that situation until death separates you two or until you end it yourself. It may seem like a little thing now to us who are not in a marriage but if you read up on divorce cases, you will realise that some are a result of couples having different love languages and not being successful at managing that because most of the time, they were unaware.

That’s why I am always very grateful for having him in my life. It does help to know that there is someone who is so alike yet different enough to be compatible with me. Too many similarities can lead to repulsion. Too many differences can lead to irreconciliation.

But oy, look at me, rambling until 2.30am! Goodness! Have a good day ahead, everyone. Enjoy these blessed days of Ramadhan.

And Allah is Al-Malik, the King. – MM

I Romance: 25 May 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Dear my love,

I have just finished the last piece of paperwork that I ‘owe’ the centre. I feel very overwhelmed right now because I know the past week has been difficult for the both of us…and it may be until we have both reached our goals for the upcoming month.

Sayang, it’s really crazy how fast Allah is rewarding me for every difficulty I went through. Right after pulling myself together to overcome my final moments at the workplace, He rewarded me with our booking at Lagun Sari. I was looking at FaceBook and they have just announced that they were having a promotion — secure wedding date with just $100 — which we managed to do before the promotion was announced! Then there was me finishing the article for the company newsletter although it was dropped to my lap one week before I left the workplace, which we all found unfair. Nonetheless, I finished it last Tuesday, way after I have resigned, and within three hours. Right upon completing, my dad passed me the cheque from the company. Timely reward, wasn’t it? Lastly, after finally finishing the centre’s resource inventory list, which took two consecutive Saturdays in my final month of working and a whole chunk of my time after my resignation (days actually), I was getting ready for bed when I saw my cash collections…of overseas currency. More precisely, I saw Pilipinas Piso. My jaw dropped. I took down the glass bottles containing the overseas money and lo, in total, I had PHP511.25. It is good for two meals. Alhamdulillah! What a blessing duing these difficult times! In fact I even found a 50 000 Korean won note. If I change that I could get at least SGD45. I was so tempted to take it! But… I felt that it is best to leave it there until I need it. Maybe one day, I will be grateful to have kept it for a future trip to Korea again. Wallahualam bisawab. Only Allah knows best. I’m just very thankful to Allah for all the good things. I’ll take responsibility for the bad things.

I hope that we can both continue to seek help from Allah through patience and prayer. He always answers, just in ways we cannot imagine or in the time He decides when is best for us.

I’m going to miss you terribly, my darling. If you ever feel lonely, you can always text King. 🙂

Yours forever,

Bae ❤

I Ramble: 11 May 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, I think my cold/flu or whatever it is has started to cleared up.

At the same time, I’m also getting over my recent bout of depression.

It really is very difficult to regulate myself whenever the pendulum sways all the way to the left. Look, the thing is, whenever something like that happens to me, to the human eye, I look like I’m just being annoyingly emo. If you feel annoyed by that, imagine my frustration when my body biologically refuses to get unstuck from that end of the spectrum when my mind is fine. My mind is aware that okay, I’m in a bad place and I’m feeling this way and I know why I’m feeling this way but for some reason both my mind and my body are not in sync.

Then what happens is that my mind gives in to my body.

It gets consumed by the chemical reactions responsible for the emotions.

So I start to isolate myself. Not necessarily physically but more often, mentally disassociate myself with everyone. I feel like I’m not part of the collective so that renders my existence redundant.

And that’s when I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel the need to drink or eat. I no longer crave social interactions either.

And so there it is, the critical stage whereby I need someone to keep on talking to me to break the spell that my body has cast on my mind but usually at this critical stage is when people who are trying to do so finally give up helping me.

I don’t blame them because it is not fair to them. I also have to tell myself that I can’t blame myself either. I have also come to terms with the fact that this is one struggle I have to live with. As long as I am not a danger to myself nor to others, I don’t find the need to get my head checked for shrinking.

Like you, dear readers, I’m trying to shrug it off as just being emo. Why make a mountain out of a molehill?

But at the same time I am staying cautious. I have been like this since my early years. There are patterns and the patterns are consistent…throughout my life. So I can’t totally downplay it but at the same time, I don’t want it to be a big deal.

Le fiance was at the receiving end of my recent bout and fate had it that he was rendered physically ill that he was running low on the resources in managing me.

So as we were walking beside each other, the distance never felt greater when we were actually physically close. Even as I gripped his hand, that distance taunted me more. Throughout our walk from The Analog Factory to Admiralty MRT station, it was silence that accompanied us.

That’s when I realised, it wasn’t the silence that was killing me.

It was his silence that was killing me.

Man, I never want to go back to that state ever again. I’ve had so many silent treatments before but this was the worst.

But props to my man, I guess he could never not talk to me and I could never ignore him.

And we’re back to the happy place we are in now naturally. He’s recovering from his illness [migraine and stomach flu, my poor baby :'(] and I’m recovering from mine.

Props to Lyra as well for not going Bridezilla on me.

If there is something profound she said during my depression mode was, “You’re actually not naturally emo…you’re naturally cheerful.”

I’m acknowledging the fact that resigning is actually affecting me more than I truly am feeling. My mind needs to be stronger than my clutch on le fiance’s hand…more than ever for the next seven days.

The way out is inevitable and soon, this too shall pass.

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And Allah is Ar-Rahim, the All-Merciful. – MM

I Ramble: 5 May 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

So I spent yesterday at home instead of attending my sister’s graduation as planned because I still wasn’t feeling too well. Plus, the fact that the doctor gave me an MC for yesterday as well just shows that it ain’t fly for me to spread my ‘blessings’ with the world. Hehehe.

So what I did yesterday was to clean my room. Damn, it feels good to finally be able to see the floor of my room. I threw out a lot of things too. I can’t possibly hold onto every single thing. I can’t take anything with me to the grave eventually. Now I’m left with is the dusting of shelves and sorting and organising. That would take a lot of time so I’m hoping to do something about it on Sunday. I’ll be spending today working on my Malay children’s portfolios. Tomorrow, I will be packing up and listing whatever it is I need to do for the Malay resources at work. I’m getting le fiance to swing by to speed up the process and then we’ll zhao for paktor from there.

As I was trying to get back some control in my life, I realise that if there is something that I’m blessed with that doesn’t get messy, it would be my relationship with le fiance. It’s a healthy relationship and a very loving one. I never felt like I have to try so hard to make it work. In fact, I feel like I should try harder in loving him back! Hahaha!

My man has roped me into playing Cabal Online with him and it has been amazing and fun!

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He is always reassuring me and always coming to my rescue without me telling him or asking help from him.

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He even brought me to a dungeon with him although I pretty much suck at dungeon mechanics. The way he played with me and guided me through it is very kind, just like the way Nora does it. I really gotta give it to Nora for roping me into cool games and roping me into MMORPG. As for my man, he pulls me in deeper into the mechanics of a game. He loves programming more than gaming so it was really refreshing for me to see a different perspective of games and computer technology in general. In fact, his passion inspired me and I have been reading up on computer science such as this:

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It’s a very good read. I would recommend it for anyone who wishes to know some historical backgrounds on the pioneers of computer science and how a mathematical problem transpires the technology we have today. Call me dumb but I finally get what SQL and Boolean strings are from reading this book although they were mentioned briefly. I must admit I don’t understand the entire book 100% but for an average reader like me, I really got some general insights from it. If ever, this makes a good introductory read to computer science.

That aside, I received my first wedding gift! Hehehe. I’m not married yet but since I’m leaving the workplace soon, my ever reliable colleague decided to get the gifting out of the way. Hehehe. She’s older than me and gets amused by my antics and she is one of the people who knows how my friendship with A turns into a relationship and finally engagement. She really bought me a classy gift, which I felt is much needed for my soon-to-be-new home.

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She’s only a part-timer yet I feel the love so much. I guess that’s what happens when you touch people’s lives enough for them to show some care towards you. I must admit, I enjoy the positive human emotional aspects in a workplace.

With that said, well, here’s to moving forward.

And Allah is Al-Malik, the King. – MM

I Ramble: 20 April 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Hey, there. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I think. Haha. Anyway, I decided to finally write one now because I’m just going through an existential life crisis. If you don’t know what it means or if you’re not sure what form it takes, have a read here.

I’m not going to reveal exactly what mine is because I feel it is a combination of a lot of things such as the factors that contributed to my current situation and challenge after challenge that got thrown in my way.

I’m trying to deal with things the best I can but right now, it feels like the more I’m trying to take control of my situation, the messier it becomes.

But all that I will have to push to the back of my mind tonight as I will be meeting old friends for dinner. I’d imagine sharing sad things about myself doesn’t quite cut it for dinner pleasantries. I’ll feed their curiosity about all things positive though. Just to assure them I’m doing alright. I don’t want them to worry. We don’t meet often so I figure, it wouldn’t be great to end the night with heavy hearts.

My mum bought me an alarm clock, you know, the one with bells. Hahaha! I haven’t been using it though. I’ll try to get up by 5am tomorrow. It’s already April and I am nowhere near to accomplishing that goal. I feel I did better last year. Plus, I tried to stick to the 11pm bedtime last year. This year? Mostly 1am, 2am and 12am if I’m good. So.

Anyway, yesterday marked the celebration of five months being le fiance’s special someone. Hehe. I didn’t take any photos of our date last night but needless to say, I enjoyed myself very much. We had a humble dinner and a few quick rounds of billiards. It was fun playing with him. Hehe! I’m very very blessed to have him. Needless to say, I’m always falling in love with him. It’s a great relationship. I suppose our challenge as a couple is having to face extenuating circumstances. We’re good inside but the things outside are affecting us and they may be beyond our control. Still, we’re trying.

Maybe what I’m feeling right now is that I’m sick of trying. Like, I want to do something to affect change but I find myself having to wait and be patient before I can tackle those issues.

But I will be a little more patient. I’ll still try.

And Allah is Al-Malik, the King. My King. – MM