What is limitation?; I Ramble: 12 May 2023

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I woke up today just as my husband wanted to go to bed at around 9am. No typos there.

I’m having difficulty keeping my eyes open and my body feels wrecked. Technically, I have only worked for two days and on both days, the crowd is mild. However, I feel super worn out right now.

Maybe I overexerted myself last night. I just kinda took it upon myself to help all departments with their customer-returned items by passing to them from the fitting rooms as well as the welcome desk.

Maybe I didn’t realise I have been overexerting myself by working everyday. I just never really get to have a proper rest. Being a GrabFood walker is no walk in the park. My shoulders and back are hurting a lot from carrying big and heavy orders.

Whatever it is, I only have a few hours to recover. Today’s shift is going to be more tiring with a small crowd coming in the evening.

Welp.

I’ve got nice things to be cheered up by, though. A kind soul at work, Davan, got me a bag that’s meant for fishing stuff. Hooray! I really like how compact it is. It’s not waterproof but it’s nifty! It comes with modular boxes that can help me organise my fishing stuff. I prolly don’t need all 4 boxes so I can have room to keep my reel in it! I am extremely grateful!

I also realised that everyone at work treats me as a valuable member. My sister even commented that I am happier now. It is definitely something to be grateful about.

I also had a deep conversation with Shike last night. That is also something to be grateful about. Mate pretty much is exhausted as I am. I think he works more than I do in Australia. We finally sorta caught up with whatever was going on in our lives. Mostly, I needed a perspective I couldn’t get from Singapore. Our conversation made me realise that I know what to do all along. I am just bound to inaction.

Well, what is limitation?

How far can I push my body? What are my physical limits?

How heavy are the responsibilities I carry on my shoulders that cause my movement to be limited? What can I do with and without?

How do I know what is the best outcome? What are my rights?

The conclusion for now is that I need an honest conversation with myself and an overdue long good cry.

And Allah is Al-Baari, The Originator. – MM

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I Ramble: 27 December 2018

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Meowsies.

Where do I even begin.

About ushering in 2019? Summarise 2018 and wrap up the year? About games and gaming? About being ill? About my husband? About life? About journalling? Ai yai yai yai yai. So many things yet so little energy for anything.

Maybe we’ll start with the following photo.

This is me taking a shot of my television, showing a gameplay of The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End on PS3 by my husband.

Yup, it’s close to eleven PM when we were playing a bit of POTC. I firstly want to express that I enjoy being married to someone who not only shares my hobbies but also engage in them. Best part is that neither of us were overly particular about how each other play. I must admit that I wanted him to save his gameplay on a separate file but then my better judgment got me to realise that hey, I can always replay the level if I ever feel like immersing myself fully in the game or being a completionist through collecting every single item and unlocking every chest and so on. There isn’t any pressing need for me to not share the gameplay anyway. But yes, if I was working on unlocking achievement seriously, I wouldn’t let him have the controller. Hahahaha!

The game was a fortuituos buy. Remember, I wanted to buy the first installment of Uncharted? Well, my husband and I stumbled upon a copy at Games Resort @ Compass One. It costs $30. My husband was telling me to just get it as PS3 games have noticeably dwindled in the shops. But when you’re the sole breadwinner of the family, you will obviously get sensitive about the price. $30, albeit half the price of what PS3 games usually cost, is still a pinch to me. So I decided not to get it from Compass One. Then, just yesterday, I jio-ed mum to go to Tampines Mall to look for a bullet journal. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the journal I wanted to get but then I remembered there were two game shops at one of the levels. The first shop that I went to didn’t carry Uncharted so I decided to try the adjacent shop, GameXtreme. I found a copy and it costs $25. So I thought I might as well get it because I don’t know when my next trip to Tampines will be and that I probably couldn’t get a better deal anyway. Lo and behold! Just as I wanted to make payment, the dude noticed a sticker on the case and said, “This one three for $10. Go and get two more with a sticker.”

Gnarly! What a deal! So I grabbed POTC and Assasin’s Creed: Brotherhood because nothing else interest me. For POTC, I played it on Wii before and I really enjoyed it so I thought I’d play it again on PS3 instead. Then I simply chose AC because my husband likes the franchise. Wow. It’s so different when you’re a single gamer and when you’re a married gamer, huh? Hahahaha!

So yup! Lucky me bought Uncharted for just 1/3 of $10 instead of $30. That’s like…errr…my fractions is not good. 1/3 of 1/3? Cos you know, it is like three times less of three times less? Oh, bollocks, nevermind me. Point is, it pays to be frugal. And nice. Cos nasty customers won’t get good recommendations. Muahahahaha!

So that’s about yesterday and games and gaming. It’s been a while since I’ve touched my console so I feel the vertigo pretty damn badly this time. My head just fucking hurts all the time now. Sheesh.

Oh, yeah, I mentioned about wanting to get a bullet journal. I know, I can just use any old notebook but I really wanted to emulate the creator of the bullet journal and I think that the dots would be pretty helpful in making markings and estimating the amount of space I need for certain sections of the bullet journal.

So there goes the dream. I know I can just get it online but like I said, I have to be frugal as I am the only person who is holding the money.

But yeah back to gaming, I haven’t started on Uncharted yet ironically enough. Hahahaha! That shows just how much I enjoyed playing POTC on Wii. To be honest, I can’t recall going through the same sort of experience on the PS like I did on the Wii! Let me just check for a moment if my instincts are true. Both versions really feel a whole lot different to me! Or is it I’m demented? Let me just check for a sec.

Oh yes, they are indeed different! Oh, my God! I recall smashing crates a lot more in POTC Wii and spending more time in the sea prison in the beginning chapter. POTC PS3 is like a super condensed version of the movie and I didn’t spend as much time in the beginning chapter.

Oh, wow, wow, wow! Nonetheless, this PS3 version that is new to me, is still enjoyable. It does have that Uncharted feel in terms of having to figure your way out and scaling walls and shimmey-ing ledges. So I figured that POTC is a great warm-up game to gear me up for POTC.

I found out about the versions being different from GameSpot. Man, it has been a while since I’ve been there and blog there. Now, I miss blogging there about games and all that jazz. Really takes me back given just how much I have rambled on about games in this post! Felt like the good old times!

For a proper game post, I should write about the differences I experienced in both versions and whether I enjoy one more than the other. Apparently the Wii version is the same as the PSP and PS2 versions but the PS3 and XBox360 versions are different, with the XBox360’s varying slightly from the PS3’s.

Wow, amazing! We all discovered something new!

Anyway, I feel like I rambled on long enough. Will definitely want to complete the games I started playing on both the PC and on the PS3. Also, will definitely want to get back to bullet journalling and be more life-organised.

I really like to make up my own words sometimes. Just how do you guys live with me? Hahahaha!

And Allah is Al-Wahhab, the Supreme Bestower. – MM

I Romance: 25 May 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

Dear my love,

I have just finished the last piece of paperwork that I ‘owe’ the centre. I feel very overwhelmed right now because I know the past week has been difficult for the both of us…and it may be until we have both reached our goals for the upcoming month.

Sayang, it’s really crazy how fast Allah is rewarding me for every difficulty I went through. Right after pulling myself together to overcome my final moments at the workplace, He rewarded me with our booking at Lagun Sari. I was looking at FaceBook and they have just announced that they were having a promotion — secure wedding date with just $100 — which we managed to do before the promotion was announced! Then there was me finishing the article for the company newsletter although it was dropped to my lap one week before I left the workplace, which we all found unfair. Nonetheless, I finished it last Tuesday, way after I have resigned, and within three hours. Right upon completing, my dad passed me the cheque from the company. Timely reward, wasn’t it? Lastly, after finally finishing the centre’s resource inventory list, which took two consecutive Saturdays in my final month of working and a whole chunk of my time after my resignation (days actually), I was getting ready for bed when I saw my cash collections…of overseas currency. More precisely, I saw Pilipinas Piso. My jaw dropped. I took down the glass bottles containing the overseas money and lo, in total, I had PHP511.25. It is good for two meals. Alhamdulillah! What a blessing duing these difficult times! In fact I even found a 50 000 Korean won note. If I change that I could get at least SGD45. I was so tempted to take it! But… I felt that it is best to leave it there until I need it. Maybe one day, I will be grateful to have kept it for a future trip to Korea again. Wallahualam bisawab. Only Allah knows best. I’m just very thankful to Allah for all the good things. I’ll take responsibility for the bad things.

I hope that we can both continue to seek help from Allah through patience and prayer. He always answers, just in ways we cannot imagine or in the time He decides when is best for us.

I’m going to miss you terribly, my darling. If you ever feel lonely, you can always text King. 🙂

Yours forever,

Bae ❤

I Ramble: 5 May 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

So I spent yesterday at home instead of attending my sister’s graduation as planned because I still wasn’t feeling too well. Plus, the fact that the doctor gave me an MC for yesterday as well just shows that it ain’t fly for me to spread my ‘blessings’ with the world. Hehehe.

So what I did yesterday was to clean my room. Damn, it feels good to finally be able to see the floor of my room. I threw out a lot of things too. I can’t possibly hold onto every single thing. I can’t take anything with me to the grave eventually. Now I’m left with is the dusting of shelves and sorting and organising. That would take a lot of time so I’m hoping to do something about it on Sunday. I’ll be spending today working on my Malay children’s portfolios. Tomorrow, I will be packing up and listing whatever it is I need to do for the Malay resources at work. I’m getting le fiance to swing by to speed up the process and then we’ll zhao for paktor from there.

As I was trying to get back some control in my life, I realise that if there is something that I’m blessed with that doesn’t get messy, it would be my relationship with le fiance. It’s a healthy relationship and a very loving one. I never felt like I have to try so hard to make it work. In fact, I feel like I should try harder in loving him back! Hahaha!

My man has roped me into playing Cabal Online with him and it has been amazing and fun!

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He is always reassuring me and always coming to my rescue without me telling him or asking help from him.

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He even brought me to a dungeon with him although I pretty much suck at dungeon mechanics. The way he played with me and guided me through it is very kind, just like the way Nora does it. I really gotta give it to Nora for roping me into cool games and roping me into MMORPG. As for my man, he pulls me in deeper into the mechanics of a game. He loves programming more than gaming so it was really refreshing for me to see a different perspective of games and computer technology in general. In fact, his passion inspired me and I have been reading up on computer science such as this:

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It’s a very good read. I would recommend it for anyone who wishes to know some historical backgrounds on the pioneers of computer science and how a mathematical problem transpires the technology we have today. Call me dumb but I finally get what SQL and Boolean strings are from reading this book although they were mentioned briefly. I must admit I don’t understand the entire book 100% but for an average reader like me, I really got some general insights from it. If ever, this makes a good introductory read to computer science.

That aside, I received my first wedding gift! Hehehe. I’m not married yet but since I’m leaving the workplace soon, my ever reliable colleague decided to get the gifting out of the way. Hehehe. She’s older than me and gets amused by my antics and she is one of the people who knows how my friendship with A turns into a relationship and finally engagement. She really bought me a classy gift, which I felt is much needed for my soon-to-be-new home.

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She’s only a part-timer yet I feel the love so much. I guess that’s what happens when you touch people’s lives enough for them to show some care towards you. I must admit, I enjoy the positive human emotional aspects in a workplace.

With that said, well, here’s to moving forward.

And Allah is Al-Malik, the King. – MM

I Ramble: 15 March 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

How do you fix your relationship with God? :/

Sometimes it feels like I don’t thank and remember Him enough.

How do you maintain your relationship with your fiance?

Sometimes it feels like I don’t tell and show him I love him enough. No, I’m not coming from a bad space. Just that I feel so, so blessed to have this man in my life. He truly loves me and cares for me and shows me that very well. But I? Hahaha! My name on his phone is Baeda Sayang but his name on my phone is still Amirudin. Get the picture? Hehe.

But then again, he knows that I have an unhealthy obsession with people’s names. I like to ensure that I know their full names and that I recognise them by their first names. Instead of putting ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ and ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ on my phone, I have them listed by their first names instead. And yeah, I know he is not affected by such petty things unlike other guys because he is weird like that. And I’m weird. So. 😀

One of these days I’m going to sneak in an emoji beside my name on his phone. Hehehe.

Do you know why I’m suddenly having all these thoughts?

He told me I remind him of Belldandy from Oh My Goddess! or Ah! My Goddess! and I feel like, eh, sure or not? So many people will be choking on their drinks when they hear that! Hehehe.

I personally feel like I’m a far cry from Belldandy but then by now, we both know that we see in each other what the other does not see in himself/herself.

And Allah is As-Sami, the Hearer of All. – MM