In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
I….don’t even remember what happened during those days of Ramadan. We are already past the halfway line of the month of Eid’ul-Fitri, which is Syawal, and I finally brought myself to update this forsaken blog.
I don’t know, man. I know I am alive but I am not living.
I am just amazed I have lived as long as I have. That I have gotten this far. What else will happen to me, where else I will go, who else I will love…it makes me reminisce the old principle I always held onto — just follow wherever the wind takes me.
Life is hard for me right now. Anyone else would have gone insane. I honestly don’t know how much strength I have left in my tank. Sometimes I just want to give everything up.
But where there are causes, there are effects as with actions to consequences. That may be a sentence full of broken English but for some reason, I feel, is the best way I can express myself. If you get it, you get it. If not, nevermind. There are plenty of life mysteries for you to take a crack at.
Despite the storm I am caught in with regards to a certain aspect of my life, I am pleasantly surprised by a recent turn of events with regards to another aspect of my life. I think, I never really paid much attention to it but now, it’s like, the force is strong with this one.
At this point, you’ll go, “Oh, hey, Huda, thanks for ghosting me and now all you’re giving me is cryptic bullshit?”
Heh heh. No, I’m just giving you another life mystery to solve. Have a go at it.
Sometimes, I feel like Harry Potter when he kisses the snitch before he faces Voldemort. The whole “I am ready to die” shindig.
However, I am an awful sinner and my Lord will not put me in a good abode in the Hereafter as long as I have not dealt with the present debt and difficulties in my life.
I am just thankful to Him to have allowed me to meet beautiful souls thus far.
I am just perplexed by the mixed signals He is giving me.
Should I stay or should I go?
What does He want me to do?
I need more clues than these, my Lord.
And Allah is Al-Khaaliq, The Creator. – MM