Metropolitan Muslimah

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I don’t exactly want to do a retrospective post but I guess I need to let a couple of things off my chest before I evolve into a 34-year-old.

Firstly, I just can’t believe what I’ve put myself through the past year and frankly, I’m quite amazed I somehow survived it? I’m badly wounded financially but I survived by the grace of God.

Secondly, I still can’t believe what I’m doing to myself now. It’s a toughie. The decision I made is a bold one. It’s not easy. It hurts like hell but I told no one and showed no signs of being affected. It doesn’t help that the decision is forced to be dragged out due to administrative reasons.

Thirdly, what’s going on? I don’t understand! Is it all in my head or is it really happening? I thought I finally knew but I guess I still don’t know a thing!

Regardless, I just want to stay focused on being a better person now. I struggle a lot in being a better servant of God, family member, a better colleague, a better friend, and a better lover.

I want to be happy again.

I want my 34th year to be more meaningful than the past 33 years of my life.

And Allah is Al-Waduud, The Most Loving, and I need all of His Love more than ever now. – MM