Looking For Huda; I Ramble: 8 October 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am pleased to report that setting my silent alarms faster actually helps!

I could finally find the time for me to perform my prayers at work because I was able to quickly wrap up the task I was working on before proceeding to pray.

There were occasional blips where I would miss one prayer. So now I’m now working on ensuring that I get zero missed prayers.

I really do not know how to explain the uniqueness of my position at work. Maybe it would be easier if I describe myself as a key personnel that is not indispensable. Anyone may still replace me. The workplace will never die without me. It will still carry on. Business as usual. So this is one of the hard truths that motivate me to not compromise my spirituality.

Yeah, colleagues keep looking for me sometimes, even during moments that are inconvenient for me. Like when I am trying to eat or when I am trying to take a piss.

I guess it is a good thing I do not have to look for myself. I just need to look for the way out of each of my struggles.

I hope work will be bearable today. I gotta pull a longer shift for a few days this week so I can attend my family members’ birthday party this Saturday.

And Allah is All-Knowing. – MM

Hyped Brain; I Ramble: 6 October 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I received a wake up call last Friday night during my funeral course. The Prophet (pbuh) had mentioned that when we die, we will die with the one we like the most during our lifetime.

For example, if we idolise a celebrity, when we are about to die, we may sing the celebrity’s favourite song with our final breath.

Needless to say, if we enjoy reading the Quran, we may recite our favourite verses with our final breath. What a way to die. I want that.

So that made rethink the current state I am in. I am constantly thinking about work. Every time I am supposed to rest, my mind starts to whisper, “We can rest after we do this one thing”. I realised as well I have neglected my prayers completely at work. I find it very hard to sneak away to pray, always consumed in the thought of lack of time to complete a task.

That is when I realised my strategy has been wrong. I have set silent alarms on my Fitbit as reminders for me to pray but I had set them later than ideal. I would be in the middle of a task, which I could not complete in 5 minutes so by the time I had wrapped things up, it was time for another prayer. And then I would move onto another task instead of praying, thinking I would still have to time to make it for that prayer. And then it is just a vicious cycle.

So I have to end that vicious cycle. End of story.

And Allah is the best. – MM

Tired But Happy; I Ramble: 28 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

There is a bug going around at the workplace. One by one, my men are dropping like flies, tossing in an MC for a day or two. I am attributing it to the weather; it has been rainy lately. I think we may be lined up for a wet October at this rate. I am also attributing it to slight paranoia perhaps. The number of new COVID-19 cases here in Singapore is predicted to be as high as 5000 daily. I do not know about you guys but I sure do not appreciate the way our minister commented on it. How I interpreted it was that this is the norm and we all gotta live with it.

I did not vote for this bunch. You guys did so live with it.

I digressed. But yeah, it may have been a psychological thing, you know, you believe you are sick because you keep hearing about how the people around you are falling ill.

But mostly, I believe, we are all falling sick because we are trying to do two to four people’s job at one single time. I know this for a fact because I am going through it at the workplace. That is why I have been grumpy but I really do not want to be so because I want to remain kind to all the poor souls who have to power through at work like me.

I have been having like the runs and I came home from work with a terribly sore throat yesterday and I was coughing so badly. Today, my head was super heavy. Probably from the stuffed nose and the irritated throat. I even felt a bit feverish.

But I forced myself to go out for a run today. I intended to run 1.6km in 13 minutes. But I ended up running 1.8km in 17 minutes instead. Yeah, I was slower. I was afraid of slipping while running on the wet ground. The rain poured when I wanted to head out at 4pm. I only managed to get out at 6.30pm after it has ceased for a while.

I am feeling better now although I know my body is tired. I was very sickly when I was a kid. I would have a fever and it never went away. One day, my family and I had to chase after the bus. I ran and after that, I felt a whole lot better. The fever went away immediately. Even my mum was surprised. So I figured, running is actually a good cure for my body. Please do not copy me! All of our bodies are different. Mine is just weird like that. I do not consume a lot of pills. I hate medicine. So maybe running just forces my body to go through some huge ventilation, you know, like opening all the windows of your house wide enough for the stale air to exit and fresh air to enter. I think that is how my body works. Any other person, maybe, if they run while they are sick, they will get sicker or just pass out. So please pay attention to your body and know it well.

My only problem in life is not drinking enough plain water.

I am listening to the work and jazz piano live radio I linked in the previous post while typing this post. The tunes are better this time compared to when I was doing the previous one. Lucky me. Hence a nice little post here.

I have my work cut out for me. I am not complaining. I am happy. But a girl can only shoulder so much difficulty. So I need to siphon out some parts of me that feel overhwlemed and because I do not really talk to people much, I do that by writing here. I have a huge work ego. I do not like admitting that I am struggling. I think that is why it is hard for me to ask for help. I keep believing that I can accomplish all the tasks but sometimes, it is just not humanly possible. Or sometimes, it is just not how God planned it for me.

I am definitely going through a vigorous work week now, both full-time and part-time.

I am going to keep on working hard and keep on taking care of my body.

And of course, stay insanely happy. 🙂

And Allah is Ar-Rahmaan, The Most Merciful. – MM

In Pursuit of Passions; I Ramble: 26 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I wrote this post while listening to some jazz piano. If you would like some background music playing while reading this, press play:

I realised I became quite grumpy at work. I do not enjoy being that way as I feel like it chips away at the essence of myself. Like I start to lose a little bit of myself. It is not healthy and I do worry if it is due to an overwhelming work load but at the same time, going through menstruation could also have implicated my moods. Really not easy being a girl, eh?

My friend and I had a discussion on the young people today and how they have everything to their favour in life but do not utilise those blessings well. Instead, they look for trouble and complicate their lives unneccessarily. They even spit back at the providers of their abundance. My friend and I attributed such attitudes in life to a lack of passion. Some of these kids, man, they really should get a hobby. Your world expands so much more when you immerse yourself in a passion.

I envy those who have a sole passion that they dedicate their lives to because it means they are masters of their trades. Whereas for people like me with so many passions, we could never really truly specialise in one thing. Instead, we are quite scattered about, happily learning everything under the sun that sparks interest in us.

Jack of all trades, master of none.

It is not neccessarily a bad thing because it means we are able to relate to so many people. We are more of the explorers in this world.

In whichever way we are blessed, we should continue pursuing our passions. I am not exactly passionate about work but I enjoy putting in a great shift. That is what I am passionate about: making sure I do my best in a job I am entrusted in.

So a passion does not neccessarily have to be an activity or a skill. It can be an aptitude, it can be an approach, and it can even be a personal value.

The world is so vast, guys. So vast.

Give yourself a chance at picking up something new.

For example, I never thought I would be growing greens at home. Suddenly, I met a guy who specialises in growing greens and suddenly, I find myself growing greens.

What a wonderful world, eh?

Today, I decided to give myself some time to churn out a better post than the one I did previously. I am starting to learn the importance of carving out time daily in order to do the things I love. My concern lies in the well-being of my body though. I feel like I am really working it very hard whenever I am at work. I know this because I keep looking forward to my time off from work. It can feel like a huge mental load is taken from me when I am not on the clock. Unfortunately, I sometimes sabotage that blissful state when my mind is still buzzing from the adrenaline of powering through work. If not, it might be others who approached me outside hours on a work matter.

Sighs. If I do not keep this in check, it may spiral out into other areas of my life. It might create unneccessary expectations out of the people I am working with.

It is gets pretty draining just thinking about all of these things.

Alrighty, I am going to stop writing and just do nothing for a bit. I need to recharge.

May Allah ease my affairs and may He draw me closer to Him. – MM

Tired But Cannot Sleep; I Ramble 25 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

God, I have so many bosses now.

Hello, there! It is me typing away at an ungodly hour and being extremely conscious of not using contractions because my boss hates it. He does not read this blog though so I do not know why I even bother. Practice makes perfect?

I have no idea what I just typed but with that said, this is what you get from me when I am super tired. I just needed to do something in trying to make me fall asleep and I think trying to flesh out a blog post might just do the trick. Do you guys feel this way sometimes?

I will be working alone today so that gives me a little freedom in trying to accomplish as many tasks as possible. There is a whole lot of backlog to get through and we will definitely only be busier from now on.

I really feel like I need to evolve. I cannot just sit in this very comfortable position of doing things the way I want to. I need to demand people to work with me or work on things together with me. I really hate doing that because it is exhausting. Unfortunately, that seems to be the culture here. Just last Thursday, my ears picked up on a piece of conversation held between other colleagues, “Act blur, live longer”.

My immediate reaction to that was chills. My boss had just mentioned that to me the last time we met. And then I was hearing it from colleagues? That means it is real, right? The mindset is being lived.

And then it just made a lot of sense when I reflect on the work environment.

That mindset is now my pet peeve.

I will not allow myself to adopt it.

It is 2am now. This post has been an absolute rubbish but maybe it has made me rethink some things.

And Allah is always fair. – MM

No More Off Days, Only Off-Duty Times; I Ramble: 21 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

My body is being forced to go through a tough adaptive period in meeting the demands of two workforces while being in a state of menstruation.

I do not think any man can bear this. Hahaha! I have the standard menstrual symptoms yet I am still trying to power through a lot of tasks at one time.

I am telling you right now, I am struggling so badly now.

But I discovered one thing about myself today.

The more difficult things get, the more I push myself to overcome them.

Like having to crack my head in creating online content. Like forcing myself not to stop running as I go up a steep inclined path.

I think my mum’s assessment of me is very apt: I enjoy challenges. And this is very dichotomic because I am a big old lazy bum.

I really have to give myself a pat on my back.

I hope I can assimilate to this new lifestyle of no off days. It will definitely push me to make better use of my time.

It is as though I have been dead for a while and now, I am truly alive.

And Allah is Al-Muhyee, The Giver of Life. – MM

Bag O’ Nerves; I Ramble: 19 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am now a huge bag of nerves. A lot of things are happening at the same time at a very high speed and I find myself already mentally struggling to keep afloat.

It is essential that I stand firm in facing the upcoming challenges with the utmost grit and perseverance.

I will need to employ all of the philosophies that my schools have taught me: be a happy good Muslim citizen (from Nur Kindergarten), “Endeavour and Persevere” (from Elias Park Primary School), “Knowledge is the Torch of Life” (from Dunman Secondary School), “Aim and Achieve” (Tampines Junior College), and “I Look Ahead” (from University of Newcastle).

Many many years of school and I still have many many years of learning to do.

And Allah knows best. – MM