2022Goals – Metropolitan Muslimah

Hello, July 2022; I Ramble: 1 July 2022

In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Yooooooooooo….itta meeeeee….

How was your first day of July? Today was a pretty hectic day of work. I’m really tired out by the day’s load. I’m very upset that I missed out on my first two obligatory prayers. Going to really get back to waking up at 5am because that has been my goal since foreverrrr! I still have another 6 months of the year to cement the routine of waking up at 5am. My problem is that I’m always thinking, “What the hell am I doing waking up at 5am? My body is crying out for sleep!”

So I really want to achieve that. I believe once I can achieve that, I can pretty much achieve everything else because things will just fall into place once I am consistent with the time I create for myself and once I am consistent with my daily prayers. It’s that easy to be honest. Just a matter of executioning the plan.

As you can see, I only managed to do 5 of the 10 things I wanted to do. To be fair, I took longer than I anticipated to iron our clothes for a wedding tomorrow because — get this — I had to clean the iron and the ironing board beforehand. That’s how long they have been in storage. Geez. I was already tired from work and then I became even more tired out by the ironing shindig. Goodness. But oh, well. At least I managed to force myself to get 5 things done today. It feels like an accomplishment for me because I usually just don’t do anything when I feel tired. I’ll end up watching videos and playing games to just unwind. I definitely feel more productive today than I usually am so that’s good. I’m happy with that. Although it was not a great start to July 2022, it was a better start than previous starts. I will set tomorrow’s goals tomorrow, in the morning, because I want to approach the day with a fresher mind.

And Allah is Al-‘Alee, The Most Exalted. – MM

July Bujo Setup; I Plan: 30 June 2022

In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Determined not to repeat the mistake of setting up my bujo halfway through the month, I have prepared next month’s setup. Tada!

This month, I decided to do a full spread of the July calendar for easier reference. I tried to copy the design by the following journaller:

She used paint so I used water colour pencils. Of course, her design is nicer and she chose to do a cover and then her monthly log. I found that I do not need the bird’s eye view of the month. I just need a calendar I could easily refer to. After all, I had the yearly log set up earlier in the 2022 section of my bujo.

Then I did my weekly spread in the way that I feel will work for me. I amended certain aspects because I realised that not all tasks take the same amount of time. I learnt this the hard way when I did the blog post on Peaky Blinders’s pilot episode. I took 5 freaking days to complete it! Then that just knocked out my ability to keep up with my MITs and everything just went out of the window. That is why I have created a ‘Duration’ column for me to realise which tasks are mammoth and may need to be repeated on the following days before I can mark it as completed.

However, after looking at my design now, I realised I left no room for me to write down events and notes for the day. I think I will need to dedicate each day’s spread to an entire page for future days.

I should probably make some sort of attempt to make my daily spreads more pleasing but for now, I think my focus is on trying to create something that works for me.

And Allah is Ash-Shakoor, The Most Appreciative. – MM

Subdued; I Ramble: 21 April 2022

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am feeling pretty down now. I think the term ‘Ramadan Challenge’ has just taken its own course.

I did not even realise that we are past the halfway mark of the holy month. It seems surreal. At this point of the game, everyone is stepping up their efforts in a bid to meet Lailatul Qadr. That special night also known as the Night of Power, when supplications are accepted and highly rewarded, and your past sins forgiven.

And right when the bid for Lailatul Qadr is on, so did my personal Ramadan challenge that seemed to have been written for me.

My problems are starting to feel a little heavy but nothing too complex. They are just heavy in weight. I faced one of the problems before so I do not feel too emotionally overwhelmed and I faced another one many times before so I do not have too much fear from it. Then there are a few that are right smack in my face all along so they are not exactly my first rodeo.

Back to my Ramadan challenge. So basically, just when the race for Lailatul Qadr is about to start, my husband contracted COVID yesterday morning. I tested negative today but there is always a chance I might contract it as well although I should be immuned to it since I had it last November. However, mine was the Delta variant so I am not sure if there is a high chance of me getting the Omicron variant. Or is it Omicron XE now?

It came as a surprise. We have always thought that my husband is forever immuned from COVID seeing how he did not get infected when I had it. We practically live in a shoebox and share a toilet. Like how did he not get it with me that time? Haha.

So what I am feeling right now is exactly the same as what I felt when he broke his ankle; alone. Coincidentally, a key personnel from my personal support network has just flown out of the country for months-long respite. I mean, just how much louder can The Maker’s challenge be conveyed to me? He is really telling me, “YEP, YE ARE ON YER OWN, LADY”.

Yes, it is veritable that The Maker is extremely jealous. He does not like it when I attach myself to people more than to him. So right now, He is showing his jealousy by making me feel the exact same feeling that would steer me towards Him. It is indeed a familiar feeling that I recognised it almost immediately.

Of course, it comes without saying that as long as my husband is ill, there is no income coming in. I cannot do our usual deliveries without the driver and he is my deignated driver. Haha. I am just a coordinator. Thankfully though, The Maker gave me a little way out of that hole by moving the hearts of our friends to employ me in supporting their operations. I will be paid hourly while my husband is out of work. Of course, I will need to test myself everyday before I head out as assurance. I will keep my mask on as added measure.

Something is better than nothing.

Want to know something else interesting? I have just asked myself two days ago why exactly am I in a marriage that has not been meeting one of my many many needs. And just like that, poof, tada! Husband gets COVID. And out of that comes another familiar feeling; responsible. Whether I like it or not, whether I want to or not, I have been placed by The Maker in positions that come with a lot of responsibilities throughout my entire life; being a student, being a teacher, being a supervisor, being the eldest daughter and sister, being a wife, and probably on a whole lot more occasions than I actually realise.

The real reason I resigned is because I just want to be selfish and just do whatever I want to do but even that went south because The Maker decided I have to be responsible. I have to always push away any and all selfish needs of mine because He wants me to be responsible.

So this is His way of showing me how much this marriage needs me, which is just as much as how I need this marriage in order for me to stay responsible.

The higher you ascend, the heavier the crown. That is what my mind has just come up with.

That feeling you get when you get the heavy things off your chest. The darker the hour, the heavier the thoughts. I am on a philosophical roll here!

I can close that topic now. I am now in the mood for another more persistent load I have been carrying around. It is about my body image and body issues and basically the entire package of it.

Trust me, I am comfortable in my skin but I am just not enjoying how I look right now. I realise now I feed off the power I feel from enjoying looking good. It has been difficult trying to feel attractive when constantly wearing masks has damaged the mask-wear areas on my face and now I think I am at my heaviest of 62.6kg.

I believe developing the look that I want is one of my goals this year. It has been hard to commit to caring for myself. I do not know anything about proper skincare, good makeup fixes, refuse to buy clothes just to flatter my current bodyline (I much rather lose the damn weight and wear the clothes I have, plus it is more economical that way), refuse to adopt effective exercises, and I do not know how to start preparing balanced meals for my husband and I when we do not have the budget for superfoods.

Tough.

There. It is all out there now. I feel less burdened and more subdued now. Today is another day and another chance at meeting my goals.

Just be brave, Huda. You have dealt with this before. You are a seasoned player. The games do not get easier. They are just different each time. And you season with time. (Spotted a potential pun here: Season with thyme. LOL.)

And Allah is As-Samee’, The All-Hearing. – MM

Positively Failing At Everything; I Ramble: 15 March 2022

In the name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

My friend, Shike, has been checking on how I have been doing since my last day of working at the old workplace.

So I thought I will just put it out in the open.

I am failing.

I am positively failing.

I am positively failing at everything.

I am failing as a wife, I am failing as a delivery coordinator, and I am failing myself.

Heck, I even discovered that my old schoolmate has turned out to be a successful public prosecutor.

So yes, I am an absolute failure.

But weirdly, I do not feel upset by my failures. I am kind of excited.

Have I finally turned old? *gasps*

I mean, by right, at any given point of time, Nurul Huda would have just snapped and broken down or whatever shit she would usually do when her self-esteem gets beaten up.

But somehow, this Nurul Huda is responding so differently upon acknowledging her failures in life.

I do not know what gives. Maybe all the walking I have been doing has somehow cleared my head and allowed me to think a little more compared to feeling. Feeling is how I get carried away most times. Overthinking does my head in too. Yet, at this point in my life, maybe finally I have somewhat resonated with the Islamic principle of accepting the fact that what is written for me is not meant for others and vice versa. I cannot always want to have what is written for others because what is written for me may actually be better for me. I think this abstract concept is very hard for a lot of people to grasp because people are so used to more tangible experiences. And that is why it is very hard for people to grasp the concept of equity, which consequently caused them not to understand Islam. The idea of equality is easier for them to grasp because the concept can be demonstrated more tangibly. Like when a woman gets an orange, a man should get one too to be equal. So when the woman gets an orange but the man gets two instead, it no longer becomes equal. However, what if the woman gets an orange because she lives alone and the man gets two oranges because he has to share the oranges with his wife? The distribution of the oranges is definitely not equal but it is definitely equitable because in the end each person gets one whole orange to himself or herself. So how could it make sense then that the single woman gets one orange and the man with a wife gets one orange too?

So while my old schoolmate is probably saving many individuals’ lives through her profession, which looks a lot like saving the world, I am actually probably saving some individuals’ lives as well without realising and to these individuals, I may actually mean the world to them. In the end, it works out equitably. I wish people who constantly punish themselves for not doing more or feel bitter or resentful towards the success of others can understand this concept, really. People need to be whole lot more positive about their failures in order to learn and grow.

Yeah, it sucks to fail a lot in life and I mulled over this on a public park bench for a good amount of time during one of my recent walks. But my failures shaped me into what I am now. I feel like this Nurul Huda, this version of myself, is exactly what is needed at the present moment in the course of what has been written.

While I have failed to meet some of the targets I set for myself this week, I am happy to say that I have been learning how to monetise blogging. I did not realise just how much there was to cover until I start to get headaches from trying to absorb all of these information.

And yeah, I will definitely try again to wake up at 5am so I can spend more time studying. The faster I study, the faster I can spring into action, and the more time I can carve out for Street MOB Clothing and Smiling Greens.

And Allah is Al-Fattah, The Supreme Solver. – MM

Monday; I Ramble: 14 March 2022

In the name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Oof. Hello, Monday.

I have been having trouble sleeping, it is unreal.

And problematic. Because I would really need my sleep now.

Full-time housewife, part-time hustler.

I hope I can achieve some results.

I do not have a lot of confidence in monetising this blog but it would not make sense for me not to, eh?

Weirdly enough, I seemed to have raked in 70 WordPress subscribers after some good years of blogging here. But we all know that some users may already have abandoned their account. I have always started out with the intention of enjoying myself, doing this little hobby of mine. But now with our livelihood at stake, maybe it is time to increase the stakes. Ha.

I mean, after all, I am paying for the domain of this blog. I definitely need to earn the capital for subscribing to the domain, right?

Looks like I have a lot of studying to do with regards to earning back my capital via blogging.

My focus for this week is therefore to: