I Ramble: 14 June 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I woke up feeling a whole lot better this morning. Sleeping on things help sometimes. Panic level is brought down a notch. Still feeling the urgency but calmly dismissing negative thoughts.

When I went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands, I realised that the dishes were left unwashed. Usually after breaking fast, I would wash them but last night I didn’t as I was really anxious to find out more about the GRE and to get a measure of the commitment level it requires from me. So looking at those unwashed dishes reminded me that I would definitely have to compromise a lot of things in merely applying for PhD. You see, even if I give my 500% to this application, the institution may not want me in the end. Am I prepared to receive the bitter outcome mentally, knowing that my efforts were at a certain cost?

Yes. I am prepared. In fact I reminded myself I should put in effort to maintain my usual good habits while pursuing a passion. Let that be the last time I neglect my duties.

That was one lesson learnt this morning.

Another lesson learnt was when I asked my mum if she would like to have a pan washed as I noticed there was substantial oil in it. I knew it was used to fry eggs for the pre-dawn meal but I was not sure if she wanted to re-use the oil. I mean, I am no cook and I don’t help out with the cooking so I am very blur when it comes to such things. I was expecting a direct yes or no. Instead, her face lit up and said, “Why, Dada? Dada nak tolong cuci? Syukur, rajinnya anak aku”. I must admit I was not only amused but my heart was warmed as well. Then a moment later I felt spooked. A’s words rang in my head, about how my parents would feel when I finally learnt how to cook.

Spooky wooky, seriously.

So, okay, A. I shall accept your challenge to cook fried potato slices with sambal tumis ikan bilis with a little bit of bee hoon as my 2016 Cooking Challenge. Muahahaha! The ‘Challenges’ tab above has been duly updated.

The final lesson learnt is related to my current position at the sea of life. Friends shared this video on FaceBook about a former CIA who gave insight into the varying perceptions shared between counter-terrorists and terrorists, which in the end, turned out not to be so different after all but based on similar interests and hopes. It reminded me of my Honours research…. The passion I felt for the subject… I could have chosen to research on my plethora of interests such as gaming, music, movies, or animations, and so on. However, I decided to work on quite a serious matter instead of a recreational one like the above.

I realised that although I am now involved in Early Childhood, I am still quite rooted to Communication and Islam. I have indeed been looking at things all wrong as I have suspected in my previous post. I do not actually have to worry about which area I should research on and that no matter what I choose to investigate, I am not going to lose my touch in my previous studies. I do not have anything to fear or worry about. I also do not have to be so gan chiong and try to force Communication, Islam, and Early Childhood together.

So yeah, Alhamdulillah. All my concerns and worries that made me panicked were addressed all at once within a short period of time and in one morning.

And He is most definitely the one and only Knower of all things. – MM

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