I Ramble: 20 June 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Don’t worry, no spoilers ahead.

I watched two TV shows today — Game of Thrones and House of Cards.

What I find really interesting is the fact that both episodes I watched featured battles — the former physical and the latter political.

Interestingly enough it made me think of the strength of each protagonist. Are they really that strong or are they just lucky?

Well, while on one level a person will need to be personally stoic to overcome the odds, the person will also need fate on his side.

I wonder sometimes if I am strong as them just that… I haven’t been as lucky as them.

Well, if something is not meant for me, I cannot reverse that decision. However, I can dictate the choices I take and be confident in defending my choices.

Another thing I learnt is the importance of loyalty. Both protagonists had very loyal circles. I know that I used to have them as well but because I neglected them, I no longer have them. Makes me think about reuniting with those great individuals but I do fear that they might not want to renew that loyalty. I don’t blame them if they don’t want to.

Yes, I too can be very loyal to people and like other people as well, my loyalty wears out when it is not trusted or when it has been chipped away by hurt.

Sometimes, I believe, the way I treat people or interact with them, can be quite imposing… quite demanding like a fierce leader. I believe I get carried away sometimes by the safety net uncannily formed by all those wonderful people who never cease to at least give me their smile. Sometimes they make me feel like a don. Unfortunately, a don’s ways can be quite contemptous. Who am I to demand favours from them?

I think that is why I went through whatever happened to me. My life’s experiences have killed the airhead in me and forced me down on my knees as a beggar in life. That was how I learnt humility. I am very thankful for that lesson in life and to this day, whenever the ugly beast in me stirs, I desperately pray that I will be granted humility.

I don’t have to contact my friends regularly, right? I think we can all mutually agree on that. I just need to make an effort to maintain the connections I have made. I am not a bad person; I am just really bad at keeping friends.

Well, point being, I am finally acknowledging that I do possess some sort of leadership quality… potent as it is, I know it takes more than capability to be a leader. It takes strong moral standings and principles. It takes emotional and mental strengths. It takes loyalty to people and people’s loyalty in return. It takes luck and fate.

It takes all of me.

I will have to awaken that beast in me. That gentle yet firm leader.

Wake up, Nurul Huda.

Wake up.

And Allah is Knower of all things. – MM

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