I Ramble: 5 July 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Ola.

I actually didn’t want to blog until the next update for A Singer’s Dream. However, there were a few things I needed to get off my chest.

Firstly, I have mentioned before that there was something that has been haunting me for a bit. Well, I was supposed to co-own the house yesterday in a bid to pay off the remaining house loan through my CPF as my dad wants to stop working already given his age and health. However, when we were at HDB, they explained to us that that policy had ceased in April. Now, if I would like to help in paying for the remainder, I would need to reapply for the loan with HDB or the bank under a completely new transaction of me being a co-owner or my parents selling the house to me. At that very first mention, my mind was already decided to forget about the whole matter. It is best that we fork out the $1157 per month by cash. I am unable to help this year as I am currently paying my study loan at $1070 per month but should things be too difficult, I will have to borrow off from the monthly $500 I give to my mum.

Yea, the sadness therein lies in me looking forward to financial freedom next year upon settling the final payment for my loan in December this year. However, I guess it is not to be so. I will have to instead stick to the usual $1k and more flying out of my pocket.

Once again, I find my back driven to the wall.

So one fateful day had turned into fateful years ahead.

Secondly, for some reason A had a lot to say about the injustices I suffered in my life. It even seemed to outrage him more than it outraged me. Anyway, we came to the topic of my past. He told me to love myself.

Okay. Stop.

I have a huge problem with that statement to be honest but I was not able to be honest with him about it.

To be fair to him, he was saying it in the context of my past when I had absolutely lost it and gone astray, ironically in the frustration of guys telling me to love myself when I offered to love them.

Okay, look here, maybe it never occured to them boys that I was already loving myself that the love grew bigger than myself and that I was ready to share it with someone special.

Deal with it, I am fine on my own with or without. I went to football matches, seminars, and other events by myself when even guys themselves brought company.

And quite frankly, I am quite sick of admiring my beauty myself. Muahahaha!

Okaylah, I may not be a supermodel but I have my good days when I look absolutely gorgeous. *hands you bucket for you to vomit in*

You’re welcome.

However, sure, since it came from a humble 35-year-old who had been through hardships, I would be an arrogant fool to not heed his humble advice/reminder. God knows we all need reminders, even when we think we don’t.

So, since I don’t know how much more I can love myself than I already do, with my back driven to the wall once again, I am basically putting myself off the market.

I am done asking and looking. If you want me, come and find me and get me. Even if you do try to find me, sorry, there are no guarantees that I will bother.

This is the stake I’m planting on my ground: I can’t be bothered.

So, boys, how does it feel now that I have been loving myself?

Yeah, I thought so.

And Allah is Knower of all things. – MM

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