I Ramble: 3 September 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

A shared with me recently about how his life is no longer the same after knowing me.

He told me that after bumping into me, he found himself working on his old passions, namely music and programming, and that the quality of his works now is much better compared to before. He has become more serious than ever in music and programming. There is no turning back for him.

He also mentioned how I have inspired a lot of his projects that he is working on now such as the games he want to create and the songs he want to finish.

I am secretly grateful that I was able to have had a positive impact on him.

Apparently, he has also followed my habit of snacking on biscuits with a warm beverage. Hahaha!

Gosh.

To think we were once strangers…having led our lives oblivious to each other’s existence… and now we’re close as though we’ve known each other our entire lives…and affecting each other in various ways.

I don’t think he will ever find out how he has impacted me in return because he doesn’t read my blog and I’m too lazy to share with him personally. :p

He… made it easier for me to want to get up in the mornings. He doesn’t even need to call me. He made me believe in myself, especially my voice. He knows how to push me in the right ways towards the right directions. He makes me to always want to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I think I am becoming more domesticated because he has influenced me to be so, given how his solo lifestyle is, having to cook and clean for himself on top of supporting himself. That’s how I should be living my life if I were to really proclaim independence.

Most of all, I think he allows me to feel safe and he allows me to be myself.

Although I get upset and have problems, I don’t find myself being too weepy or moany or depressed all the time like I used to. I am still generally happy even during these difficult times. That doesn’t mean I didn’t cry or rage. I did but every negative reaction has went down a notch for me.

Maybe we both grew old. We both admitted that.

But it’s always nice to feel like we affect people, isn’t it?

I’m really happy that finally I’m able to make the person I care about feel happy too.

Sometimes I think it’s such a shame I couldn’t do the same for the guys in my lives before him.

But then I realise, the problem wasn’t me and that I wasn’t supposed to make myself feel accountable for their happiness or lackthereof. Yes, I used to carry this weight around — that I am the one who caused them to feel miserable and that I deserved to not be loved.

But really, I gave more than I should to them.

But anyway, I have pretty much cut them out of my life. I have never mattered to them to begin with in the first place.

So I’m sure they don’t feel any loss.

I’m just another girl and they can just get another girl.

But to A, I’m not just another girl. I’m a weirdo. :p

A weirdo he wants to team up with in projects we are both passionate about.

So alrighty. Let’s embark now. 🙂

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

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