In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
I can be a very mean girl, I realised.
Now I find myself having to make a more conscious effort in regulating myself.
I get affected a bit more easily nowadays. Co-leading a production is not easy, especially when it comes right after a huge award application and reception. Plus, I need to work on assessing my children’s proficiency in the Malay language already. On top of those, I have my regular teaching duties. 
Sometimes I feel like taking off my captain’s boots and letting someone else wear them because they are getting a little too big for me.
Still, I will have to trudge on.
I know I am not alone but I have to isolate myself a little bit so I can find my equilibrium everytime something happens that affect me quite a bit.
Well, the bills are in. Pay day is coming up in three days. My dad lost his job recently so now I will have to pay HDB $1155.20 per month. That means I can no longer pay for my study loan, which I have been paying $1070 per month this year so that pushes back my aim of finishing the loan this year. I will have to pay $170 per month instead for the loan.
Given what’s left of my money, I may have no choice but to cook my own lunch already.
In fact, I’m fasting today…because I has no money for food and I already owe three people money for food. T_T
Maybe I need to think about making money on the sideline?
Haisss… I have all that money I worked hard for in my CPF but I can’t use it in my time of need because of shenanigans… yes, dumb laws and policies that look more like shenanigans. I sound like I earn a lot, close to 3K per month but in the end I could only bank out 2.1K… where got enough for the bills and expenses…
.____.
Even if I find myself crawling at snail speed, I will have to go on. Passion is not the problem here. I am never lacking it. The problem is I’m too full of it that I end up neglecting other things and only realising it too late .
Sometimes I wish I can find the stop lever in this bullet train bound for an impending crash.
It’s okay. If we’re going to crash, at least make it a beautiful explosion.
He Knows best. – MM
Metropolitan Muslimah 