I Ramble: 17 October 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I can be a very mean girl, I realised.

Now I find myself having to make a more conscious effort in regulating myself.

I get affected a bit more easily nowadays. Co-leading a production is not easy, especially when it comes right after a huge award application and reception. Plus, I need to work on assessing my children’s proficiency in the Malay language already. On top of those, I have my regular teaching duties. :/ Sometimes I feel like taking off my captain’s boots and letting someone else wear them because they are getting a little too big for me.

Still, I will have to trudge on.

I know I am not alone but I have to isolate myself a little bit so I can find my equilibrium everytime something happens that affect me quite a bit.

Well, the bills are in. Pay day is coming up in three days. My dad lost his job recently so now I will have to pay HDB $1155.20 per month. That means I can no longer pay for my study loan, which I have been paying $1070 per month this year so that pushes back my aim of finishing the loan this year. I will have to pay $170 per month instead for the loan.

Given what’s left of my money, I may have no choice but to cook my own lunch already. :/

In fact, I’m fasting today…because I has no money for food and I already owe three people money for food. T_T

Maybe I need to think about making money on the sideline?

Haisss… I have all that money I worked hard for in my CPF but I can’t use it in my time of need because of shenanigans… yes, dumb laws and policies that look more like shenanigans. I sound like I earn a lot, close to 3K per month but in the end I could only bank out 2.1K… where got enough for the bills and expenses…

.____.

Even if I find myself crawling at snail speed, I will have to go on. Passion is not the problem here. I am never lacking it. The problem is I’m too full of it that I end up neglecting other things and only realising it too late .

Sometimes I wish I can find the stop lever in this bullet train bound for an impending crash.

It’s okay. If we’re going to crash, at least make it a beautiful explosion.

He Knows best. – MM

Published by Baeda

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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