I Ramble: 10 February 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

I have been quiet for a few days because I had spiralled down into depression. The stuff at work, preparation for my engagement, my financial situation, and my period have led to my emotions reaching to the point beyond my ability to cope with it. I wasn’t being loving towards my man and I wasn’t being fun around my colleagues because I had mentally shut down.

So yesterday, I did what we all call ‘kheng MC’. It was for a selfish reason but it did me a world of good. I am in a better headspace now. I felt happier yesterday. I got to get rid of all the negativity that had strickened me. It is such a good feeling to do away with the emotional meltdown and shutdown.

At this point, I don’t care if people see me as being emotionally weak. That’s who I am. However, I am concerned about my manic depression. I am pretty sure, after reviewing and monitoring myself since I developed consciousness, that it is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Okay, I know that I will have to deal with it as it comes. Now, a more pressing concern is, will I be passing it on to my future child/ren? I seriously hope not. It is not a fun thing to have and it does push people away from you so shoo, depression, shoo.

And Allah is Ar-Rahman, the All-Compassionate. – MM

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