I Ramble: 4 June 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

When it rains, it really pours.

My personalised Ramadhan challenge suddenly pales in comparison to the real life challenges I am facing in Ramadhan right now.

Received worrying news about le fiancé’s current health situation. He had to quit smoking cold turkey, which is causing him to relapse into a mild stroke. His hands are starting to be numb. I feel more frazzled right now. I truly hope, in case of an emergency, I would be able to respond accordingly and promptly.

Now I have to replan. The plan now is to make sure I don’t break under pressure. It is a race against time now and we have to pray hard that our situation right now does not worsen further.

I haven’t been able to sleep well for a couple of weeks now and even if I do, they’re mostly mares. I know for a fact that this is caused by the stress that is overloading my head. And my heart is ever oh so heavy.

Suddenly, I have to grow up overnight, overwhelmed by the prospect that I might lose him but at the same time, I have to accept my fate if all of my efforts fail and if Allah wills it to be.

For now, I am still trying.

It is back to those times when I had my cancer scare in 2015. I hope everything right now is just one big scare and nothing more than that.

I hope when I wake up tomorrow morning, both of our lives will turn around for the better. I need to hustle a couple of people tomorrow and if they do not deliver, I will have to march down and pray that I can walk in for an interview at Uniqlo.

Bright side though, I have finished reorganising my closet. So that is one Ramadhan challenge met. And that we all know that it takes Nurul Huda three days to do so.

Will update the ‘CHALLENGES’ page when I use the desktop computer. Right now, I am on my mobile.

If anything, I am most probably being tested for my readiness to be a wife; to see if I have it in me to be someone’s lifetime partner, to ride and die with. So far, I haven’t been doing well in the test, really looking like I’m flunking it but I don’t want to cave in yet. I am determined to the point of absolute stubbornness.

Ya Allah, please make it easy on me. I just need that greenlight…so near yet so unreachable. It all hinges on that one lifeline I have been counting on for some time to be fair. Ya Allah, grant me strength and resilience in asserting my rights. I waited to be interviewed for the job for hours only to be stood up and even after being interviewed, I am still waiting to be given the online test that was agreed to be given to me two months earlier. For this alone, I know I am one who has been done wrong. My prayer as someone who has been done wrong is for me to get the job tomorrow in order to sustain my livelihood and my families, both current and future. Amin.

And Allah is Al-Mu’min, the Guarantor. – MM

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