I Ramble: 26 August 2017

In the name of Allah, the All-Compassionate, the All-Merciful.

It has been a huge struggle trying to come to terms with reality.

I think all these while I have not accepted wholly my fate.

I have been crying for the past three hours and still am.

Maybe I’ll stop once I have fully embraced my life.

I am shouldering the financial burdens for myself, for him, and for my family.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it.

I truly regretted not working part-time today for $50 cash. I could have used the cash and I could have saved myself from the massive heartache right now.

Do you know why I accepted retail work with long hours?

Because it is my way of running away from reality. From the pressures of time. Time just passes by when I’m working. From the pressures of home. Nobody will have an issue about me being unemployed.

All I wanted to do today was to rest my weary body and soul.

But not everyone could respect that.

And almost unfairly, it led to me being disrespectful when I swear, I tried my best not to be.

But my efforts were futile.

But all were said and done. I can only get on with things.

I think now, I’ll just work on my off days just to get away from everything and to help my finances.

My family never has to know how much I looked forward to the birthday celebration all day…but my mood just spoilt everything…because my mood was spoilt by something ai did not know how to manage. And now my family hates me for not being appreciative.

And now I absolutely hate myself for that.

And hence, why I just want to make myself scarce in their lives.

I think, it’s better I stay away from them. They’ll be happier without me.

So note to self, just accept any good work that comes my way on my off days.

And Allah is Al-Haqq, the Truth, the Real. – MM

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