And I’ve Got No Plans To Retire

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Hello! So the Singapore government decided to open Phase 2 this Friday.

If you can only see the look on my face right now. If you know me, you’ll know exactly my sentiments. I’ll leave it up for interpretation.

Now that I’m forced to recondition my body to be ready for work, I have found some consolation in Eminem featuring Juice WRLD’s Godzilla.

LOL, I know. I’ve been sharing a lot of Eminem music. But I have a reason for this. This is going to be a long post. Strap in.

My newfound obsession began with a random stumble upon a video that detailed the feud between Machine Gun Kelly (MGK) and Eminem. From that video, I stumbled upon another video that propagates why Eminem’s diss track, Killshot, is better than MGK’s Rap Devil. I learnt that Eminem actually wrote his raps/lyrics with a lot of depth. So much depth that you need to study it closely like a piece of literature schools made you read.

Needless to say, I started to look for more breakdown and reaction videos to Eminem’s music. And needless to say, I began to like Eminem’s writing style more and more. There are so many layers to his sentences. It’s only a matter of whether you get the context of his lines or if you just needed somebody to switch that lightbulb on in your head. Not only did Eminem play with metaphors intelligently, his use of literary devices is next level, yo. Assonance, alliteration, homophone, rhyme, rhythm, flow, and more… he doesn’t use those devices simply for the sake of using them but purposefully. What I like about the video I shared above is that the guy shows the difference in the writing calibres of the young generation artist (MGK) and the old generation artist (Eminem).

I enjoy good writing. That’s my favourite part of music. Good lyrics are harder to come by in today’s music. If you couldn’t catch the lines in Godzilla, there is an official lyric video.

I pity the bloke who had to produce the lyric video. Hahaha! That speed at the end. Oh, my God. Eminem is also clever in naming this song Godzilla. His fastest rap was in Rap God, which people said he had set a record. Many believed he has beaten that record in Godzilla. If you’re going to beat yourself, and you’ve already claimed that you’re the rap god, then how do you outdo yourself? How do you outdo a (rap) god? What’s bigger and better than a god? (That’s imagery for you!) Godzilla! (That’s wordplay for you!) See? Bloody brilliant!

I hope you manage to comprehend what I tried to convey so far. Hahaha!

So that’s Eminem and his impression on me.

I’m going to talk about another person who has made an impression on me, Michelle Obama.

Netflix recommended her documentary, Becoming, and I watched it. I enjoyed it. In fact, was so inspired by it that I bought her book, Becoming, and its companion guided journal.

In her guided journal, the first question she posed was, “What is your story and how have you embraced it?”

And I’ve been stumped by it for what feels like weeks now. I really have no idea how to answer that. It has even partly contributed to my insomnia. I kept tossing and turning in bed nowadays, kept awake by the contemplation of that question.

And even now, I still don’t have the answer. I feel like I’ve entered this existential crisis. Like, damn, what is my story?

I feel like my life comprises of many stories. On one hand, I keep wondering, okay, do I just pull out one story from the hat and on the other, I keep thinking, there must be an overarching theme to my series of stories. I just couldn’t figure out what that is.

Most people will go for the thing that has the most impact in their lives or the identity that they’ve established for themselves. I mean, how else would you answer that question, right? It’s like introducing yourself and what you’re about. But I’m struggling with that introduction. It’s much easier to state my name and how old I am, where I came from, and the likes. But when people ask me, “So what’s your story?”, I’m like, “Eh?”

Look, I’m still stumped. I don’t even know if I will be able to answer it in this post.

*Thinks really hard.*

It’s starting to feel like that itch on my back that I can’t scratch.

Let’s just hold that thought process for a while because I also wanted to share something else.

A couple of nights ago, I decided to start a new Let’s Play and bravely picked Call of Duty: WWII. I didn’t have the faintest idea of what the game is about and how it works. It was made free to play by Playstation Network for Playstation Plus members and I thought, why not give it a go? So I did and I was so terrified to play it. I still am terrified to play it! Haha! I believe I shared my second recording last night. Here’s the first ever recording and I absolutely love my genuine reactions while playing it! Hahaha!

I was so clueless! I had no idea what was going on or what I was even supposed to do for that matter. I felt like a headless chicken entering a barbecue! Goodness! It was so intense! I’m still sorting out the audio issues. Hopefully, the quality of the playthrough will get better over time with the right audio adjustments.

This really was the first time I actually enjoyed watching myself play. I’m happy that I get to experience the joy of doing a blind let’s play.

Now back to the what’s-my-story conundrum.

Still stumped.

Gee, you know what? Let’s just lookup the Quran randomly and whatever verse I land on, that shall be the hint to help me answer the question.

Okay, I’m on Quran.com. Let’s try typing in ‘story’ in the search bar.

First result: And has the story of Moses reached you? (20:9)

. . . -_-?”

HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP ME?! HAHAHAHA! I’m no Moses! I’m no prophet! Help! Hahahaha!

I vaguely know the story of Moses so let’s refresh my memory. Might as well take the opportunity to learn more about him since I was on the topic about people who made an impression on me.

Wow, yeah, I just realised it! Allah just gave me a better role model to be impressed by. He truly is The All-Knowing and The Best of Planners.

Gosh. I’m gobsmacked.

Guys, now I’m stunned after reading the next verse because I see my name at the end of the verse! :O Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Oh, wow. Chills, man, chills! Oh, Lord, I only asked for a hint not for goosebumps. What is this?!

(20:10): When he saw a fire and said to his family, “Stay here; indeed, I have perceived a fire; perhaps I can bring you a torch or find at the fire some guidance.”

There, guidance. Oh, wow. Oh, this is so creepy. Moses was looking for something. I was looking for something. He was looking for a source of light for his family just based on that verse alone. I was looking for an answer to Michelle’s question. Moses thought he might find some guidance at the fire; his source of light, which applies figuratively as well as he mentioned guidance. I thought I might get find a hint from the Quran, my figurative source of light.

Oh, my heart.

Okay, you know what, I don’t even have to read on. I know what’s my story now.

My story is that my name is very special and I have embraced its importance to me.

It’s very special because I was supposed to be named Nurhazwanni, which ended up being my younger sister’s name. My dad went for Friday prayers while keeping that name in mind the whole time. (I was born on a Friday at 10.32pm.) However, when he was about to register my name for my birth certificate the next day, he was stumped. (Wow, how eerily similar is that to my situation just now?! :O ) He just couldn’t remember the name that he wanted to give me. He totally spaced. His favourite singer at that time was Wann, a female Malaysian, which inspired the name he wanted to give me. Even that didn’t come across his mind. What struck his mind instead was another female Malaysian, but this time an Olympic swimmer, Nurul Huda. (At this point, I’m thinking my dad watched too much Malaysian TV. XD )

So that’s how I ended up with Nurul Huda. Light of Guidance.

My name is very important to me as I used to feel the burden of its weight. I am no exemplary creature. How am I supposed to guide others when I feel so lost? I used to have no confidence in my abilities. I used to wish that I had the name Nurhazwanni instead because my sister was pretty and cool. People found her friendly and approachable. I envied her for all that. All that changed when she told me one day that she envied me. That I was pretty. That I was cool. That people looked up to me. That made me more receptive to my name. I’m not the best but I could kind of lead. When people needed help, I could come up with some creative solutions sometimes. I don’t always give the right directions but I feel like I can read the map better than most. Haha!

So yeah, that’s my story and that’s how I’ve embraced it. Thank you, Allah, for your blessings on me.

Not a fan of the reciter but this was the best short video I could find.

And Allah is Al-Ahad, The Only One. – MM

Published by Baeda

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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