Dragging Myself; I Ramble: 16 February 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I think I have soldiered on quite long enough that my body has finally broken down.

Caught the stomach flu bug and the discomfort and pain that come with it simply sucks.

Feels like my entire body is going through purgatory.

Eating and purging until I have lost a kilo or two.

I think I might need to extend MC tomorrow. I still don’t feel so good.

Life is alright but it is work and people that piled on unnecessary stress on me.

I do not feel inclined to elaborate on it. I rather regroup my thoughts and emotions and concentrate on recovering in good time. I do not know how I ended up being more busy than I planned to be.

But I am busy with everything else other than NH21. This really is amazing. Life has been throwing so many curveballs at me that I do not feel guilty for neglecting NH21.

Maybe I do now, a little, considering I have compromised my health to a certain extent.

Hopefully, the bug will leave me soon and I can continue my hustle for barakah.

Life without blessings is so empty. How could someone put in a poor shift at work, extend unnecessarily, and be happy with their output and income? That additional money has no blessings at all. It will just leave you more quickly than you can say “Bye!” to me.

Okay, I accidentally ranted out a portion of my stress.

Anyway, I am going to take a little break from my drive and get back on it once I am ready to go.

I might be meeting up with LEE-Rocka this Friday to work on reviving SMC.

Okay, apparently, even as I am on MC, I have been working on making appointments and bookings and organising stuff.

I should get a medal for my hardworkingness.

Okay, I am feeling pain now. Gonna catch a break. BYEEEEEEE!

And Allah knows best. – MM

I Know Why I Am Different Now; I Ramble: 13 February 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I finally understood fully by what G Hustler meant when he said I am different.

I am really different on a whole other level.

It is not easy to explain what happened to make me realise that fact and it is not easy to explain why I am different.

I seriously need therapy, man.

But I cannot afford that so I decided to tell my colleague that I would like to start work 30 minutes later so I could do some gardening.

I was pleasantly surprised that G Hustler had already prepared the material I needed. I thought I had to do more work with it but it was done to perfection. Noice! I still remember how he passed it to me at work. If I was more efficient that day, I would have been like a North Korean traffic marshal, managing the queues.

Also, I received the key card to our SG office from him. Whuuuuut~ I know, right?! It’s like receiving a promotion! Only better!

I feel so comfortable there. I feel so right at home. Well, I used to reside in Tampines West for maybe 5 years or less so that might explain why I feel super comfortable there. Damn, I miss working in that office now!

As I was sowing this morning, I felt like I was taken back to that small room, with G Hustler hovering behind me, scrutinising the way I work. Sometimes he would bring in his acoustic guitar and play some random song or even make up a song as I went along. But he mostly would poke fun at me and in order to counter that, I would jab back with a sexual joke that would make him cringe so hard that he leaves me alone. Hahaha! Dummy!

Hopefully, my greens would grow well after sowing them with good memories.

Dei Gratia.

And Allah knows best. – MM

To Be Kinder To Myself; I Ramble: 24 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am wondering if I am too ambitious in trying to do a lot of things when I don’t have the luxury of energy and time.

I am also wondering if I have been too hard on myself as a wife. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t cook but I still feed my husband by buying food for us. Does it count as being a good wife? I really don’t know. “Outside food is not healthy,” they say.

I think I let down my husband last night. He was so eager to show me he learnt how to play PUBG on his phone by watching a YouTube tutorial and he was so eager to play with me but I did not reciprocate the enthusiasm. It was hard for me to be as eager because I was wondering if he had studied for the ITE entrance exam with the same amount of passion. Additionally, I completely crashed on the bed. I don’t know why I feel really exhausted that I missed the dusk and dawn prayers.

On a different note, while he was playing, he looked super handsome and gentle. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because my ovaries are twitching for him, if it’s my hormonal sexual rage, if it’s because I sleptover at Tampines previously that the little distance made my heart fonder or if I just haven’t really had a good look at him for a long time. Because you know, I have been super busy.

He has been undeniably gentler with me lately. Perhaps a little distance does do wonders after all.

I dreamt about G Hustler last night. I dreamt I waltzed into his home office and he was surprised to see me. Only then I realised I forgot to notify him of my presence. Luckily for me, he was relieved to see me because it turned out he had to entertain potential clients and he could use my help.

Some kind of dream, huh? Maybe my head was too preoccupied with SG work that I ended up with that dream.

I had also dreamt of him previously but I would say that it was not a dream a married woman should have. So.

But yeah, Huda, just be gentler and kinder to yourself. I know you go hard, like go big or go home, but don’t drive yourself to frequent points of exhaustion. Like right now, you’re trying to make it to work by 9, you’re left with 2 mins and you’re still typing away.

Come on, now.

And Allah knows best. – MM