Lately

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Lately, I have been pretty occupied with quite a fair bit of activities.

To be honest, I feel like my health is crippling. I have been taking my lunch break later than everyone else as I start work at 10am and didn’t want to stay on duty for too long until my shift ends at 8.30pm. I would take my one hour break at 3.30pm earliest when I’m having it myself or it could be as late as 4pm to 5pm. On weekends, though, when I start work at 9am, I would either choose to go at 2pm or 3pm as I would end at 7.30pm instead.

But just last Saturday, I did myself a disservice by taking my lunch break at 6.15pm. Yes, my one hour break at 6.15pm when I was to clock out at 7.30pm.

To be honest, I’m a very lazy person but now I realise I’m probably not lazy but extreme. When I want to lepak, I can totally do that for months on end and never tire of that sonumbulatory life. However, when I’m in the mood to work, I don’t know what is drink, eat, pee, shit, and sleep. I just wanted so badly to get the work done and out of the way. It’s probably also the reason why I like to pack my schedule tightly on certain days and then free myself up on other days to enjoy the time off fully.

It’s really unhealthy and unsustainable. Everyone around me has fallen ill but I’m still consciously trying to fight it off despite feeling the brunt of the symptoms.

I don’t exactly know what is keeping me going although I do have a theory. Lately, I have been more encouraged to take things on the chin and soldier on. This is mostly due to the kindness shown by the people around me. And most of the time, the kindness comes when and where I least expect it.

I have been reminded and re-taught on how to shower others with kindness by my friend turned undercover boss, Shike, today. He received a table service by a hawker at his hood and returned her kind gesture by giving her his coriander microgreens. He didn’t have to do that but he did anyway. In fact he did loads of kind acts today. Now that I think about it, my husband does the same as well. He would give the person who helped him cigarettes if he knows they smoke and if they don’t, he would give them a drink.

I know that all sounds very basic but do we actually do them? Personally, I haven’t reached that level yet. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say my etiquette and manners is only on a scale of 1. That’s how bad I am and the fact that I’m constantly showed ways to be kind to others, proves that I still have lots of learning to do.

Imagine if I had stayed stuck in my old bubble surrounded by toxic men. I am ever so grateful now that I have moved on to a better place. For now, I’m proud of myself for making my way out of my old life with His Grace and Mercy.

My undercover boss also reminded me that I deserve better than the life I am limiting myself too. Maybe that is the source of my drive. By His Guidance and Will, I have been handling my affairs by myself as much as possible. So now, I feel the need to break through by myself.

But I must also remember that my health is all the wealth that I have. I already don’t have the luxury of money so I shouldn’t end up in a position where I have to spend what I don’t already have on a problem I create for myself.

Speaking of which, my husband has just kissed me goodnight before resuming his audio editing and commented on how warm my body feels now when I snuggled against him. Not a good sign.

With that said, goodnight everyone. I hope I sleep like a baby right after this and wake up refreshed.

And Allah is The One I need to bring myself closer to now for I have drifted far away from him by not being kind to others.