Whether I Like It Or Not; I Ramble: 14 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I have decided that if I don’t feel, I won’t cry and that if I don’t cry, I won’t feel.

Now all that’s left to do is to regroup and get back to achieving targets I have set for myself.

Let’s pull it up again. Clearly, I have forgotten a lot of things.

My daily Quran reading was halted since I got my first period of the year. This is not good as I should still continue my daily Quran, just that I am only able to read the translation instead of reciting the Arabic verses out loud.

I’m going to squeeze in a bit of Quran translation reading shortly after typing this blog post.

I have been blogging on videos related to Islam, just not according to schedule. I decided to keep my schedule flexible as my life is not as routine-like as most people’s. It’s pretty dynamic so I always have to adapt to any form of situation.

I was inspired to write this song called Ducati In The Distance. Only managed a couple of verses. Not sure if it’s safe for me to work on it as a single for public release since Ducati is a huge global brand. Of course, Bruno Mars can get away with Versace On The Floor but that’s because he’s Bruno Mars, man. But I think I’ll archive that song idea. Probably best to work on something safer.

A’s friend is keen on procuring custom graphic t-shirts, so now I’m thinking if it makes sense to work with him. I prefer being independent because I don’t like to wait around for people to make decisions sometimes but I have learnt that there really isn’t such a thing as a standalone business. You will always need people. But you just gotta be smart with them.

I have set up a meeting with my photographer friend and G Hustler tomorrow as part of my efforts to launch SG officially. I think I will need to really go through the business side of things with G Hustler. Shortly after my Quran reading time, I will have to pen down my plans for both of them so that the discussion will be fruitful for both tomorrow. But I don’t know, at this time, my brain already feels a little fried so I might do it tomorrow morning instead.

I have not been exercising every Monday per se but I have been walking a lot. I will count that as exercise as the distance I covered definitely warrant the term ‘exercise’. However, I’m craving for some good burning cardio. Just so I could feel somewhat Amazonian. Hahaha!

I don’t know if I should feel happy or sad that I haven’t been gaming on console. I mean, it’s good to have less screen time but I did pay for the PS+ membership. Hais. I’ll either play tonight after doing business as a self-reward or tomorrow morning instead.

This is where it gets absolutely obvious that I’m a shit wife. I didn’t even get to work on both wifely goals. Absolutely shitty of me.

To be honest, I really don’t know how to get started with both goals. Those demand a lot of care and time from me, which I struggle to carve out from my day-to-day chaos.

They say that if something/someone truly matters, you will always make the time for it/him.

So what does that say about me? Nothing short of being a shitty wife, right?

Regardless of whether I am the one who has to force myself out of the door to work most days and be away from home for at least 12 hours on those days…whether I like it or not… people will judge me as a wife based on whether my house is in good order and whether I am feeding my husband well.

So whether I like it or not, I cannot allow myself to feel. As long as I don’t feel, I won’t cry. As long as I don’t cry, I won’t feel.

I don’t see any other way out of this. The only way is through it.

I will get through. I somehow always do. Dei Gratia.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Published by Baeda

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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