In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
I had lamented previously about trying to keep the instrument I was practising on to myself.
Whadya know, the very next day when I played it, le husband didn’t take over. Instead, he came from behind me and played with his arms around me.
It felt very intimate and it was the kind of intimacy I had been craving for a long time. I leaned a little on his right arm as he played, wishing we could have more of such moments.
But, a shame really, that despite being off duty and being available to my husband the whole day, he was absorbed in his computer learning.
It felt like a wasted day yesterday. I did nothing but sleep like a depressed person.
I just wanted some romantic attention from my husband. Why is that so hard. Lol.
And now I find myself having to get back to work. Dragging myself as I type away on this little phone.
I feel like digging a hole and disappearing into it and never having to surface.
But that sounds like digging my grave and resting there forever.
I guess, I can sleep some more when I die. But to sleep a peaceful sleep when I’m dead means I have to first ensure that I have destroyed all my sins and fully paid my debt to God.
I dreamt that I was cleaning out a bathroom. I Googled what that meant because it was a perplexing dream. Apparently, deep down inside, I am trying to clean out whatever is bothering me, cluttering me.
After much thought and a whole lot of hesitation, I finally said a prayer in the hopes that He have the best plans for me that His best plans for me will come to fruition easily for me.
And Allah knows best. – MM