In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
Firstly, happy birthday to my younger sister, Hidayah! Please extend your prayers to her so she may lead a good and fulfilling life. Amin.
Okay, I am still trying to get back into the groove of things after being COVID- but I feel like I got thrown under the wheel of life and I feel like I have been ground into so many pieces. I am so scattered. I am aching all over. I fell sick immediately after I got better. I really do not like feeling this way.
I also absolutely hate working now. I just really do. I think being kept away from work only made me realise what exactly I want to do in life and what type of work I will actually enjoy doing.
Recently, I have also learnt about the type of project personality I possess, which is Hardball Mission Specialist. Basically, come hell or high water, I am keen on completion.
That does not bode well for me because I put more than 100% into the work I am committed to, to the point where I am totally tapped out by the time I come out of it.
I am so tired all the time and so lazy to do anything. I am just forcing myself here to do things I do not even want to do. But this is life. It gets really hard for me so the best way to deal with it is to just go harder at it.
I feel like I have talked about this a million times on my blog but I still need to let this frustration out because I do not talk to people about this kind of things that goes on within myself. Whenever I need an outlet, this blog is one of those outlets I go to.
Headache.
Anyway, today I discover that I am not familiar with the 99 Names of Allah. I think that shall be my sole focus for the rest of 2021. A servant needs her master.
I am trying to work on myself as a Muslim. Did you know that Akhlaq aka the moral education equivalent in Islam is a huge aspect of the religion? A lot of people are so zoned in onto the philosophical and practical aspects of Islam that they lose sight of the characteristics a Muslim should have. That is how you get radicals and haters of the religion. They lack the knowledge of Akhlaq that Islam teaches. And whose fault is that? We can blame a lot of external factors but to a certain degree, I feel responsible for my inability to display exemplary manners befitting of a Muslim. The following clip carried a profound effect for me when Akhlaq is explained as the ability to do good to others even when others are not good to you.
And that is very very hard to do. It is the fallacy of human beings to think that good manners is simply being good to people in general and being reciprocating.
By right, if anyone should know I am a Muslim, they should immediately know I am an exceptional human being. Unfortunately, I have been so incapable of doing so that I am definitely one of those people who give my religion a bad name.
Haiy haiy haiy sigh pie.
I can only keep trying.
“Manners maketh Man.”
And Allah is Al-Malik, The King and Owner of Dominion. – MM
Metropolitan Muslimah 