In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
I think I am very stressed out right now because I decided to put myself in a very uncomfortable situation. Slightly panicking at the thought of having somewhat gambled away our financial stability.
63 months of high financial commitment without a full-time job in Singapore is a fucking deathwish.
I will have to start praying harder than I have because everything is at stake now. One little occurrence can tip the scales, even if just slightly and can cause a huge impact on our lives. This is it. It is ride or die time.
63 months. The way I am treating this life challenge is as though a doctor is telling me I only have 63 months to live.
My mental war room is in a frenzy. It is absolute chaos. I cannot figure out how to organise everything in my life, what to prioritise, where to begin, and so on.
I feel like I am constantly being pulled into two polar directions. One extremely afraid of what is ahead and the other extremely excited at the prospect.
I am feeling so conflicted. I am feeling so at war with myself. There is no focus in me. It is like depression, anxiety, and ADHD combined into one, unable to combust, just perpetually bubbling.
So if I have only 63 months to live, what do I want to do before I die?
And Allah is Al-Khaaliq, The Creator. – MM