63 Months; I Ramble: 25 February 2022

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.


I think I am very stressed out right now because I decided to put myself in a very uncomfortable situation. Slightly panicking at the thought of having somewhat gambled away our financial stability.

63 months of high financial commitment without a full-time job in Singapore is a fucking deathwish.

I will have to start praying harder than I have because everything is at stake now. One little occurrence can tip the scales, even if just slightly and can cause a huge impact on our lives. This is it. It is ride or die time.

63 months. The way I am treating this life challenge is as though a doctor is telling me I only have 63 months to live.

My mental war room is in a frenzy. It is absolute chaos. I cannot figure out how to organise everything in my life, what to prioritise, where to begin, and so on.

I feel like I am constantly being pulled into two polar directions. One extremely afraid of what is ahead and the other extremely excited at the prospect.

I am feeling so conflicted. I am feeling so at war with myself. There is no focus in me. It is like depression, anxiety, and ADHD combined into one, unable to combust, just perpetually bubbling.

So if I have only 63 months to live, what do I want to do before I die?

And Allah is Al-Khaaliq, The Creator. – MM


Author: Metropolitan Muslimah

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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