Talking To Myself; I Ramble: 19 August 2022

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I do not like talking to people because sometimes their reactions can be off-putting or their thoughts are not aligned with my principles.

However, I have a natural human need to talk things out.

Therefore, the solution for people like me who are unable to find that satisfaction in talking things out with other people is to blog or write in a journal or just talk to one’s self.

I used to write in a journal before the age of Internet and blogging. Now that I have blogging at my disposal, it is how I try to process my thoughts without having to filter out so much shit.

I acknowledge I have this insane need to tell someone like, hey, this thing happened and it sucks and I just wanted to tell you what I feel about it. On the other hand, at the same time, I am not looking for anyone’s opinion. I just want to be heard.

Why is that so hard for people to do for me? Lelz.

Anyway, I just wanted to let out that the pain in both of my feet are acting up really badly now. They used to just ache at the end of both weekend days that I work but now the pain is persisting throughout the week. The pain is especially at my heels. I guess my heavy footing, cheap footwear and the standing/walking nature of my weekend jobs are really chipping away at my foot health. I finally begged my husband to give me his cushiony insoles that he got from Decathlon. Hopefully, that will ease my pain throughout this weekend. We shall see.

I wish I could get a break. I guess this is why people need off days. I can already feel my sharpness falling by 60% and I am just mentally not there when it comes to paying attention to things and people. Social interactions feel burdensome. Social requests become mammoth tasks. I am not even in the mood for my upcoming birthday, which is about six days away, I reckon.

That’s the first gripe.

The second point of contention is why the hell does Singapore think I do not deserve a minimum $4000 paycheck and kept on pushing me to settle for less? Do I really have to stick my paper qualifications onto my face? Write the years of work experience on my cheeks? Must they really tell me how they had to fight for me so that I can earn that job?

Fuck.

I can work like a dog but I hate being treated like a dog expected to sit, stay, and roll over on command.

This blog post is a much needed reliever because damn, I have so much aggression, frustration, and resentment. These mental walls can only hold so much turbulent thoughts.

I am tired. I am unwell. I am in pain. I badly want to date my husband but there is just no energy and time for a date. There are mean people out there. People are attacking our integrity without checking themselves first. I am really starting to bear a lot of grudges and resentment now because I have been so great at taking things in my stride and absorbing a lot of negativity from stupid people.

Gah. Urgh. Mergh. Grrr. Raaghh.

Gosh, I feel so much better after blowing off some steam. Now, I am going to stress-eat some Maggi noodles and just watch some Arsenal documentary series thingy on Prime Amazon.

So long, suckers.

And Allah is Al-Muqeet, The Sustainer. – MM

Author: Metropolitan Muslimah

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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