In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
Finally, I have the time and energy to blog. I have been trying to maintain some form of sanity while trying to keep to the spirit of Ramadan.
Just realised as well that while I had blogged about a week ago, I did not publish it! It is up and live now though.
Continuing from the angst I have from the previous post, I came across an important piece of knowledge that helps me reframe my feelings about things:
I have to bear the hardship of this world with a lot of patience and acceptance if I want to be guaranteed a place in heaven. My current hardship is a means for me to rank up in the eyes of Allah. I just need to navigate my way around this hardship with as much patience as I could muster.
Following that, I should be grateful that my hardship is already one of the easier burdens to bear. For example, I do not have to think about my children because I do not have any. I do not have to worry about having a roof over my head because at the moment, I have two roofs. I have established good working relationships so I do not have to worry about trying to fit in or wonder if I am not doing anything right by my colleagues.
I just have to see myself going over that line. Just a little bit more to bear. Just a little bit more to get done.
But I have to admit that having to redirect my anger as a scorned wife to manifesting a sense of sadaqah or charitable act towards my husband has been extremely challenging. It is a huge battle of my nafs (desire) versus my virtue. It feels like a war I can never win.
I am also struggling very hard to attain a sense of normalcy in life.
Struggle, struggle, struggle. Life is a constant struggle. Yet, here we are at the end of the third week of Ramadan. We are only left with a week more to go. I am still thinking if I should just work on Eid so I can get more money. I am not in a celebratory mood and I do not have the budget to spend on Eid stuff.
Sighs. Life just goes on.
And Allah is Al-Jabbar, The Compeller, The Restorer. May He restore my sense of normalcy in life. Amiin. – MM