The Ramadan Diary: Days 22-25

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am starting to feel distant again.

I keep on wanting to be all by myself. All alone in the dark. And I am usually terrified of being alone in the dark. So that is how I know something is terribly wrong with me.

I think if it were not for Nora’s invitation to game with her, I would have probably fallen into a deeper end of my mind.

I am just not in a talking mood with people and I have been avoiding communications with people. I just somehow managed to force myself to finally reply to queries moments ago.

Being grateful is definitely harder than I thought it would be. Simple concept, arduous to execute.

Now to make a sudden switch of topic, let us talk about my health. I have been going through diarrhea lately, mostly occuring during the earlier parts of my day. I am feeling it again. Does not help with my sluggishness at all.

One more drastic switch of topic, I am grateful for the amount of knowledge I have required by being an Arsenal football fan. It is easier to converse with the football fans at work. Although I do not play the sport, they were pretty impressed with what little knowledge I have and commended me for it. I believe that is what a community should be; welcoming. You cannot onboard an enthusiast if you cannot make it easy for him to gain access into the community.

Also, I wish I have money. Read that very carefully. It is not ‘more money’ but ‘money’.

I am feeling very tired of living… what more people who are trying to survive hunger, famine, diseases, homelessness, invasions, and warfare? It almost feels like survivor’s guilt but that is always ensued with me feeling like a narcissist instead.

I do not know how to live so I am just following the words of my colleague, “Be like water”. I can only do my best to trickle along the crevices of life just like water at the moment.

And Allah is Al-Mutakabbir, The Supreme. – MM


Author: Metropolitan Muslimah

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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