Tired But Cannot Sleep; I Ramble 25 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

God, I have so many bosses now.

Hello, there! It is me typing away at an ungodly hour and being extremely conscious of not using contractions because my boss hates it. He does not read this blog though so I do not know why I even bother. Practice makes perfect?

I have no idea what I just typed but with that said, this is what you get from me when I am super tired. I just needed to do something in trying to make me fall asleep and I think trying to flesh out a blog post might just do the trick. Do you guys feel this way sometimes?

I will be working alone today so that gives me a little freedom in trying to accomplish as many tasks as possible. There is a whole lot of backlog to get through and we will definitely only be busier from now on.

I really feel like I need to evolve. I cannot just sit in this very comfortable position of doing things the way I want to. I need to demand people to work with me or work on things together with me. I really hate doing that because it is exhausting. Unfortunately, that seems to be the culture here. Just last Thursday, my ears picked up on a piece of conversation held between other colleagues, “Act blur, live longer”.

My immediate reaction to that was chills. My boss had just mentioned that to me the last time we met. And then I was hearing it from colleagues? That means it is real, right? The mindset is being lived.

And then it just made a lot of sense when I reflect on the work environment.

That mindset is now my pet peeve.

I will not allow myself to adopt it.

It is 2am now. This post has been an absolute rubbish but maybe it has made me rethink some things.

And Allah is always fair. – MM

No More Off Days, Only Off-Duty Times; I Ramble: 21 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

My body is being forced to go through a tough adaptive period in meeting the demands of two workforces while being in a state of menstruation.

I do not think any man can bear this. Hahaha! I have the standard menstrual symptoms yet I am still trying to power through a lot of tasks at one time.

I am telling you right now, I am struggling so badly now.

But I discovered one thing about myself today.

The more difficult things get, the more I push myself to overcome them.

Like having to crack my head in creating online content. Like forcing myself not to stop running as I go up a steep inclined path.

I think my mum’s assessment of me is very apt: I enjoy challenges. And this is very dichotomic because I am a big old lazy bum.

I really have to give myself a pat on my back.

I hope I can assimilate to this new lifestyle of no off days. It will definitely push me to make better use of my time.

It is as though I have been dead for a while and now, I am truly alive.

And Allah is Al-Muhyee, The Giver of Life. – MM

Bag O’ Nerves; I Ramble: 19 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am now a huge bag of nerves. A lot of things are happening at the same time at a very high speed and I find myself already mentally struggling to keep afloat.

It is essential that I stand firm in facing the upcoming challenges with the utmost grit and perseverance.

I will need to employ all of the philosophies that my schools have taught me: be a happy good Muslim citizen (from Nur Kindergarten), “Endeavour and Persevere” (from Elias Park Primary School), “Knowledge is the Torch of Life” (from Dunman Secondary School), “Aim and Achieve” (Tampines Junior College), and “I Look Ahead” (from University of Newcastle).

Many many years of school and I still have many many years of learning to do.

And Allah knows best. – MM

A New Kind Of Life; I Ramble: 17 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Hello, there! Here is a catch-up post on what is going on with me right now.

I am currently heavily committed to various agencies in my life.

Commitment #1: My full-time job.

There is a change at the workplace. I have been entrusted to run the backend like a well-oiled machine while trying to carve out time for my own professional development. It is not going very well but I have been taking it on the chin better. I deeply believe it can be done and it is not like I am not working hard but I feel that I am not working smart. The one change that I had wanted to see in myself that I have not been able to achieve is to ask for help when I need it and I am proud to say that I have been doing that a whole lot more. So now my improvement point is to perform my daily mandatory prayers while I am at work. I keep on missing them on the basis of needing the time to finish my tasks. This is where I should throw my words back in my own face, “Work will never end”. But life will end and I do not want to tell my Maker I had to choose work over him. Correct, I am being paid by the company to work so it is not wrong for me to continue with my tasks. However, there are break times and we are allowed to use the loo to answer nature’s call for 10 minutes. So why not utilise my break times and answer God’s call right? See, I call bullshit on my excuses.

Goal #1: Perform mandatory prayers at work.

Actions to take: Always take my one-hour break from 3.30pm to 4.30pm to pray Zuhur before meal and Asar after meal. Always take my half-an-hour break from 8pm to 8.30pm to pray Maghrib and Isyak before chilling out.

Commitment #2: My part-time job.

I received a part-time job offer that would require me to really dig deep into my qualification in Communication. I mean, I did a major in Journalism and a major in Public Relations. And now I finally have a more solid opportunity to practice what I studied. It is definitely going to take me a while to get rid of all that rust in that section of my brain but I cannot thank Allah enough for this opportunity. Alhamdulillah, I actually received another side offer on the very same day that I received the offer for my part-time job. I was offered to build a website for a wealthy client but I decided to turn that down. I feel I could use more time to study before I can execute within the 10 hours stipulated.

Goal #2: Achieve a good work review after three months.

Actions to take: I need to read my old relevant textbooks just to refresh my knowledge and skills on top reading relevant news and new books with regards to the social media field. Execute each week successfully according to the bosses’ expectations.

Commitment #3: My funeral course.

Laugh at me all you want but I signed up for a short course on Islamic funeral rites. I really miss going to school. I really do. So I thought why not I enroll myself in a class to learn something that I will need in the future. Given that I am the eldest in my family and given that my husband and I live alone, I have to be prepared for deaths to come if I am destined to outlive them and if not, I have to prepare for my own death! I have been putting it off for a good decade since I became of legal age to make decisions without parental consent. It’s a virtual course anyway, within the comfort of my own home so why not?

Goal #3: Create a Standard Operaton Plan for myself to follow in the event of a loved one’s death.

Actions to take: I need to simplify and condense the know-how into steps that will be easy for myself to follow. In the event that I am unable to do so, at least one of my loved ones would be able to follow that SOP instead. In the event of my own death, the SOP should also include online accounts and passwords so that they are able to erase me from the face of the digital world if they wish to or if they hope to keep my legacy alive, they are able to edit out content they do not feel comfortable with.

Those are my big three commitments right now that I absolutely cannot compromise. I have many other various commitments but for now, I need to make damn sure that I know where my main responsibilities lie.

And Allah knows best. – MM

The Earthly Woes Are Only Temporary; I Ramble: 12 September 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Hello! It has been a while since I have posted. I have been busy at work with new term related stuff. Transitions are always more demanding.

I am finally acknowledging the fact that I am feeling a little handicapped at work but ironically it is because I am acting as a crutch most of the times. It is quite draining because I always find myself having to power through tasks that should have been done in the first place.

So I kind of have to put in double effort if I need to make time for others but more so for my own training and development. Sucks, right? But on the other hand, I have to look at it as earning my own bragging rights and it makes good training in becoming a manager anyway if I were to ever consider that path. I have to be able to deal with never-ending tasks, non-cooperative personnel, high expectations from upper management, and fast demands of the industry.

Actually it is pretty sucky to be in management because you are sandwiched in between your personnel and your bosses. Jeng jeng.

Glamorous jobs can be a farce, sometimes.

Anyway, I have to cut this post short. Instead of having some peaceful time before I start work, I have just received news of a complication at work. Sucks la. Here we go again.

And Allah is All-Knowing. – MM

Morning Riser; I Ramble: 18 August 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I haven’t been able to wake up at 4am. I have been very stressed out at work that I spend a lot of time destressing when I get home.

I only play two things now when I’m destressing: my ukulele and my console games, either Overcooked or Diablo III. But mostly it’s D3. I could never seem to get bored of it, no matter how many times I played it.

However, I have been waking up between 6.30am and 7am to pray Subuh. And I would chill after by reading the Quran, exercise if I am in the mood, eat breakfast, play D3, wash up and get ready for work. I even get to play my ukulele while waiting for the right time to get out of the house, in time to catch the bus.

Mornings are powerful but I still wish I am not so sluggish so that I can optimise my mornings.

Oh, wells. Just two more busy days and then I get to rest up before the weekend grind.

Can’t wait for today to be over. I should leave the workplace earlier by nine minutes today to clear my OT.

And Allah is The All-Knowing. – MM

But Here I Go; I Ramble: 15 August 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

It is always very tiresome when you find yourself struggling alone.

But that is essentially how life naturally pans out. Even in a crowd, you find yourself lonelier than ever sometimes. Because they do not fight your battles and because they see the perfect sides of your shoes but not your worn out soles. Sometimes the person you are closest to can be the most distant. And that slices through your heart. But because you are used to that pain, you learnt not to show it anymore. And because you are used to struggling alone, the pain becomes just another challenge to overcome.

I could not get up at 4am today. I think I exhausted myself from work and maybe from the excitement of a wonderful surprise I received from my friends! I love surprises!!! I am always happy to receive surprises and gifts!

They gave me a yellow smiley ukulele and cool keychain to attach to my ukulele bag! Ahhhh!!!! Wunderbar!!!!

I feel right at home sitting in between them last night when they came over to visit. I feel very very very loved. It feels like a dream.

I learnt how to play a nursery rhyme on the ukulele after they left. And shared with them an audio recording of it. Hahaha!

How do people know me better than I know myself? But I am always aloof and clueless when it comes to knowing their likes and dislikes. I need to improve on this.

Thank you so much, my beautiful band of brothers. I am more inspired to do more music and as your singer, I will write more songs with the help of your smiley ukulele!

And Allah is The All-Knowing. – MM