I Ramble: 6 September 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I feel so tired that I am just lying on my bed right now when I should be up and going.

I think stress can really affect you physically indirectly.

Somehow, being a winner takes a lot more hard work than I realised. Hopefully, it will feel sweeter to receive the award after being put through all of this hard work.

I am really glad Nora helps me out at work a lot. My colleagues and A are very supportive of me too.

Can somebody carry me around today? Sighs.

On a more energetic note, I need to get the following done at work today:

  • Letter to parents regarding our fundraising project
  • Answer interview questions asked by a local magazine
  • Song charts for the songs that will be used in the Light of Love musical
  • The Light of Love musical script

Okay, that is enough to set my mind focused on the tasks at hand. I will share more about our fundraising drive and the musical production I will be overseeing with Nora in another post because I have got to get to work now.

And Allah is the Knower of all things. – MM


I Ramble: 3 September 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

A shared with me recently about how his life is no longer the same after knowing me.

He told me that after bumping into me, he found himself working on his old passions, namely music and programming, and that the quality of his works now is much better compared to before. He has become more serious than ever in music and programming. There is no turning back for him.

He also mentioned how I have inspired a lot of his projects that he is working on now such as the games he want to create and the songs he want to finish.

I am secretly grateful that I was able to have had a positive impact on him.

Apparently, he has also followed my habit of snacking on biscuits with a warm beverage. Hahaha!


To think we were once strangers…having led our lives oblivious to each other’s existence… and now we’re close as though we’ve known each other our entire lives…and affecting each other in various ways.

I don’t think he will ever find out how he has impacted me in return because he doesn’t read my blog and I’m too lazy to share with him personally. :p

He… made it easier for me to want to get up in the mornings. He doesn’t even need to call me. He made me believe in myself, especially my voice. He knows how to push me in the right ways towards the right directions. He makes me to always want to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I think I am becoming more domesticated because he has influenced me to be so, given how his solo lifestyle is, having to cook and clean for himself on top of supporting himself. That’s how I should be living my life if I were to really proclaim independence.

Most of all, I think he allows me to feel safe and he allows me to be myself.

Although I get upset and have problems, I don’t find myself being too weepy or moany or depressed all the time like I used to. I am still generally happy even during these difficult times. That doesn’t mean I didn’t cry or rage. I did but every negative reaction has went down a notch for me.

Maybe we both grew old. We both admitted that.

But it’s always nice to feel like we affect people, isn’t it?

I’m really happy that finally I’m able to make the person I care about feel happy too.

Sometimes I think it’s such a shame I couldn’t do the same for the guys in my lives before him.

But then I realise, the problem wasn’t me and that I wasn’t supposed to make myself feel accountable for their happiness or lackthereof. Yes, I used to carry this weight around — that I am the one who caused them to feel miserable and that I deserved to not be loved.

But really, I gave more than I should to them.

But anyway, I have pretty much cut them out of my life. I have never mattered to them to begin with in the first place.

So I’m sure they don’t feel any loss.

I’m just another girl and they can just get another girl.

But to A, I’m not just another girl. I’m a weirdo. :p

A weirdo he wants to team up with in projects we are both passionate about.

So alrighty. Let’s embark now. 🙂

And He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 30 August 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I know I should be writing something here but I have been rather private lately. I apologise for my inability to share a lot of things at this point. It is not like I am feeling depressed or anti-social or anything else negative. I suppose as I grow older, I become less bothered to narrate. Hahaha!

Well, at this point, I am still feeling happy. Sure, I still have my ups and downs but nonetheless my current state of mind is in good condition… I just need to push it to an empire state of mind!

Right now, I am steadying my ship, to be frank. I am trying to form my good habits. Unfortunately, I must note that I have been very tardy despite being up early. I am so so so grateful to A for texting me every morning at what seems to be ungodly hours of 4am to 5am hahaha! And also for texting me every night and making sure I get my shut-eye by 11pm. Alhamdulillah. 🙂

So yep, gotta work on punctuality and sticking to my laundry days! Also, it seems like every Thursday is cooking day for me. I was thinking why not eh? Thursdays are cooking days. Fridays and Saturdays are laundry days.

I think the biggest project right now is cleaning room! Muahahaha! I am trying to speed it up though.

He is Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 17 August 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I am slowly but surely changing, just when I thought I am condemned to be a beast for the rest of my life.

You know how my silent depression can go on days for end. Well, it seems like I managed to keep it to just yesterday. I don’t feel all moody right now. I feel alright. I am still stressed but I don’t feel like keeping to myself all the time.

I guess what made the difference was my decision to reply A’s texts. It took me about four hours maybe before I felt bad about not replying him and decided to push myself to do so.

Well, it was nice to not have someone throwing the if-this-is-your-passion-then-you-should-be-blahblahblah lecture into my face. I know A also has that in his locker but hey, girl’s having a bad day. She just needs some sympathy — if you can’t afford empathy — so give it to her and she will be alright already.


Well, I wrote the above when my day began and I am writing now when my day has ended. Well, I was quite cranky but more smiley than yesterday. Although I am feeling the heat from work, I at least don’t feel like digging a hole and staying in there. I feel somewhat focused because I know what I need to do and when to get them done. I will finally be able to catch a little breather in the afternoon tomorrow.

For now, I would like to exhale a long sigh after a looong day.


Only He knows and He is the Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 16 August 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I am entering that silent depression mode again.

I am feeling the weight of my workload. The problem with feeling this weight is when you have to pull it alone instead of having the opportunity to share it with others.

Maybe I just don’t know how to ask for help? Maybe having all these responsibilities handed down to me leads to the mentality that the burden is mine alone to bear.

I need to enter Godmode already.

By the end of today, I will need to have done up two wall displays, submit a 100-word profile, come up with three different dance items for three different levels, and draft up a fundraiser proposal.


Allah knows best and He is the Knower of all things. – MM

I Ramble: 14 August 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I am in bed right now getting ready to sleep instead of getting ready to watch the first match of the PL season. And it’s Arsenal v Liverpool some more. Wow, I am growing up.

Well, not really. It is more of A encouraging me to be responsible.

I am pretty sure he wants to see me grow up knowing how to cook and taking good care of mself. Basically, being more independent and less reliant on others, which leads to being more beneficial to others.

How sweet.

Anyway, so yup, a lot of things have happened and/or are happening for me but maybe, growing up also includes being more private; I just don’t feel like sharing them publicly although they are all good things that are happening to me. Alhamdulillah.

Well, here is to growing up. Will be 27 soon anyway. Why wait for later on my birthday when I can begin now?

Wow. A has changed me quite a fair bit. Hmh.

And Allah is Knower of all things. — MM

I Ramble: 8 August 2016

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

I wish I can wake up like this everyday… I was woken up by A just now around 10 mins before 5am. Wheeee~ He texted me good morning, wondering if I’ll be fasting today. I actually had no intention of doing so but since he woke me up and he’ll be fasting today, I thought why not. Hahaha! Got friend! Hahaha!

I find it extremely weird that I can’t get up to loud alarms and phone calls… Yet I could get up to the notification of his WhatsApp message. I told him that just now and he too found that weird. Muahahaha!

Well, what can we weirdos do? Hehe.

At this rate, I will be cultivating a habit of fasting on Mondays and Thursdays! Thanks, A! Good habits are very much appreciated. He wants me to be up earlier on other days too so I will have powerful and productive days. Yaaaaaayyyy!

One of these days, I might grow into the habit of cooking my own breakfast and/or to dabao for lunch at work. Ha! Huda finally wanting to cook. Shhhh!

I really feel so happy right now. Alhamdulillah. I am very well occupied with work and all the things going on in my life right now and on top of that, I have wonderful friends to keep me company.

He Knows best la and He is Knower of all things. – MM