To Be Kinder To Myself; I Ramble: 24 January 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I am wondering if I am too ambitious in trying to do a lot of things when I don’t have the luxury of energy and time.

I am also wondering if I have been too hard on myself as a wife. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t cook but I still feed my husband by buying food for us. Does it count as being a good wife? I really don’t know. “Outside food is not healthy,” they say.

I think I let down my husband last night. He was so eager to show me he learnt how to play PUBG on his phone by watching a YouTube tutorial and he was so eager to play with me but I did not reciprocate the enthusiasm. It was hard for me to be as eager because I was wondering if he had studied for the ITE entrance exam with the same amount of passion. Additionally, I completely crashed on the bed. I don’t know why I feel really exhausted that I missed the dusk and dawn prayers.

On a different note, while he was playing, he looked super handsome and gentle. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because my ovaries are twitching for him, if it’s my hormonal sexual rage, if it’s because I sleptover at Tampines previously that the little distance made my heart fonder or if I just haven’t really had a good look at him for a long time. Because you know, I have been super busy.

He has been undeniably gentler with me lately. Perhaps a little distance does do wonders after all.

I dreamt about G Hustler last night. I dreamt I waltzed into his home office and he was surprised to see me. Only then I realised I forgot to notify him of my presence. Luckily for me, he was relieved to see me because it turned out he had to entertain potential clients and he could use my help.

Some kind of dream, huh? Maybe my head was too preoccupied with SG work that I ended up with that dream.

I had also dreamt of him previously but I would say that it was not a dream a married woman should have. So.

But yeah, Huda, just be gentler and kinder to yourself. I know you go hard, like go big or go home, but don’t drive yourself to frequent points of exhaustion. Like right now, you’re trying to make it to work by 9, you’re left with 2 mins and you’re still typing away.

Come on, now.

And Allah knows best. – MM

Author: Baeda

Born 1989. Female. Metropolitan Muslimah. Songstress. Teacher in the Early Childhood Care and Education sector in Singapore. Gooner since the signing of Mesut Özil on 2 September 2013. We won two back-to-back FA Cups since. Made my first trip to the Emirates on 10 May 2015 followed by my first home game against Swansea City on 11 May 2015, which we lost 0-1.

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