I Ramble: 7 May 2021

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I have been listening to a lot of heavier music. I think I am somewhat imploding. It’s like those high school feels never quite left me. Maybe our teenage years are far more formative than we realise them to be. It shaped our current perspectives, values, and character to quite an extent.

And in one of the heavier songs I listened to, one line never failed to haunt me, “Where you gonna be in the next five years?” (Spit It Out by Slipknot)

Right now, I’m going about my life with absolutely no plan.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

I don’t know how or what I’m supposed to contribute to the grand scheme of things.

I am 31 years old now and turning 32 in August. I am only a Retail Supervisor in a global flagship store of the number two clothing company in the world right now.

And then we have people like Sanna Marin who became Finland’s prime minister at 34 years old.

I feel so much paler in comparison to other people. It’s not about the success that bothers me. Success is subjective, to me, at least. It’s about the implication of productivity that comes with the success. In simpler terms, have I done anything meaningful with my life? Have I utilised my time and energy optimally as an individual?

I think that always bothers me. Which is very ironic considering I am a lazy bum.

I feel quite divided on taking Ramadan as breaks from my usual commitments. On one hand, I feel it will be good for my soul by just concentrating on the core things in my life. On the other, I feel quite vexed by the lack of work I do. I think I shall stick to treating Ramadan as a summer holiday from the daily grind. I think it is the best time to rest the body and nourish the soul. I imagine that if I were a rockstar, I wouldn’t want to attend any interviews or shows or participate in a tour during Ramadan. I would rather take that much needed spiritual break.

I should probably lay out some plans and work towards executing those plans.

Sometimes no plan is the best plan but sometimes no plan will get you nowhere because you didn’t plan on getting somewhere in the first place.

And Allah is Al-Mu’min, The Giver of Faith. – MM