In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Merciful.
It has been very tricky for me in navigating the 34th year of my existence.
It has not even been a month since my birthday and I am just grappling with some issues already.
I lost my cool at work. I broke down. I badly injured myself.
And now everything is just hitting me all at once.
There is never enough time nor energy for everything.
My praying problem is still super unfixed. I am like halfway to my death but also a heartbeat away from my death as well yet I am still not fulfilling the five daily prayers.
Can someone please just help me with it?
Sighs.
Deep in my heart, I truly believe that I can overcome a lot more of my challenges once I get that part fixed.
I think we have been having this conversation since this blog started even. It is such a recurring thing that even I get bored of blogging and reading it.
Come on, Huda. Skills issue.
I have also been super insomniac this year. I think mentally, I am not well at all but I am just overriding my mental wellness with responsibilities.
I mean, look, we cannot all afford to take a day off for our mental wellness. Fuck that shit. HAHA.
The reality is, as adults, in this fast-paced world we live in, we have to tough it out. Sometimes we have to do things because we must, not because we want to and not because we like it. For the most of us, we just cannot shirk away from our responsibilities.
Sighs.
I really do not like being left alone with my thoughts sometimes. They get heavy then my heart gets heavier.
Today is my off day yet I have not planned what I really want to do because in the back of my mind, I have a bajillion work tasks to complete. I want to play sports but my right knee is still shot. It still hurts like fuck.
I want to play a game but I am terribly afraid of playing it because… it is Alan Wake. It just scares the heck out of me and I stopped playing it on Steam like a decade ago? I simply have no balls to play it through! However, I have recently finished my Let’s Play of Peaky Blinders: Mastermind and since PlayStation decided to give the Alan Wake game for free for PS+ members, I thought, why the hell not stream Alan Wake as the next game? I would get excited to do so but then hesitant because of just how scary the game was to me. However, if you ask me, I cannot remember how the entire game went. (I had watched other people’s playthroughs on YouTube.) So…maybe it actually will not be as scary?
Hmm, that is hard.
Anyway, what I really wanted to blog about though is a compliment I received at work yesterday. I was complimented for my voice in sharing my workplace’s products with customers.
I have always felt inferior to others when it comes to my voice no matter how used I am to presenting in front of people. So yeah, it was nice to receive that compliment. It means a lot.
A point of improvement is my intonation. I will work on that.
I have been itching to do a short news video clip every morning and call it Metro Minutes. I think that would be incredibly fun but I just have not been able to wake up early so I could have more time to make it. Maybe I should not be so hyper focused on just producing it in the mornings. My intention is to make Metro Minutes something small to accompany commuters to work. Just a little bit of perk me up and at the same time a quick overview of news headlines. Like a mini-cuppa.
Me and my ideas and my dreams and my struggles.
Huda, are you happy?
I am not 100% happy but I will change what I must in order to be happy again.
And Allah is Ar-Rahman, The Beneficent. – MM